"Nik, what the fuck are you wearing? Come on, change into something new." Rev points his finger at the stairs, commanding me to go back into my room and change.

"What?" I drastically frown at him, trying to convey him my protest. "I can't change into something new, this is my only set of tux and tie."

"We are going to Tiff's debut. She wrote in her invitation card," he ravels his hands inside his black pants' pocket and get the invitation card. He clearly reads the invitation, "You are cordially invited into Tiffany Rio Cal's Debut Celebration. Motif: Black and Bloom. Do you understand that?"

No, I don't. What kind of motif is that? Black and Bloom? Who in their right minds would think of such idea.

Okay, the first time I read that, my fancy mind eventually thought of something colorful. I did not mind the word "black". My bad.

"You should have atleast bought a set of black tuxedo, pants, and tie. Not that checkered style. You really look like a disco ball." He says. Yes, he's right. I am wearing a green, yellow, and red patent tuxedo over my white polo shirt with black tie. Yeah, I look like a walking traffic light.

It's not bad actually. I always think it's cute the first time I saw it in Lazada. I ordered this set last week, it's a good catch actually. It only cost Php.1,599. And besides, the word "bloom" from the invitation card could mean differently. As for me, it means maximum color composition or lively life.

"You should've atleast ask me before you buy it!" he says, his face now clearly conveys irritation.

I was stunned by what he said. I could really remember last week when I was begging him for his help, but he only said he was busy with his project so he can't help me.

"What?" I ask with my face emmitting rage. "Don't you remember, Rev? Last week I came into your department to ask you to  help me find clothes but you just shut me out!" I scowl at him.

"What are you saying? I don't remember you asking me to help you. I don't even remember you going into my department."

What the fuck! Rev, the master of dodging bullets- that's what I call him. We've been together for a year, not to mention, we've been friends since high school. We shared the same circle of friends, we even live at the same home town. That's why I know him so well. So basically, we've known each other since childhood but we only got close when we went to the same school. Our families are close to each other as well.

Actually, I never had thought that we will end up being together, living in the same apartment. You know why? Because at first I treated him only as friend, neighbor, or schoolmate. Yes, we were close but only as a friend or like brothers. But when I was at my senior year, when my sexual awakening starts, he was the one whom I found I had been crushing with. My deep affection to him grew more and more each day.

Rev is a type of boy you can have a crush in a snap. His charms wanders around the area when he's passing through the hallways. He's got perfectly round eyes, Mount Apo's nose, and a fucking red lips. Rev belongs to a wealthy family, he's quite spoiled and he spends his money like licking eating ice candy- not even worrying that every peso he spent came from his parents' sweats. Such a handsome fucker.

Rev's sense of fashion is over the top. He can actually bring a worn old filthy cloth into a bright high-fashioned sheet.That's why he's been mocking me for almost half an hour about my look.

You probably wonder why Rev fall inlove with me. I don't know too, to be honest. I never thought he will find me as his partner. I am just a plain skinny guy who loves watching bl. I can't say I'm ugly because that would be too depressing. (That's my advice to everyone, don't look down on yourself. Suppress the hate and uplift the great!) I'm actually cute and handsome too. I may not have perfect eyes but I have nice thin framed eyes (Chinese eyes) with long and thick eyelashes. I also happen to have pointy nose and a perfectly shaped lips- but Angelina Jolie has better lips than me, I'm just her subsequent version.

I'm an only child and I also happen to have parents with stable jobs. So that's why I can bond with Rev and our other fucking rich friends.

So you may also wonder why Rev and I end up being together. That's easy. I can even answer that in one word. "Mutual". Yup, I found out that we've been feeling the same way to each other. On the graduation day of our senior year, he confessed his feelings towards me infront of the whole batch and the whole batch's parents. He's shameless but also brave.

You know what's funny? Our parents are our greatest shippers of all time. At first I thought that my parents would abandon me for loving someone with same **** as me - I was wrong, they knew all along. Aunt Dilea and Uncle Argus, decided that we should be going to the same university, so we did. My parents, Rosie and Verm, also rented a huge apartment for both of us so we can live and take care for each other. Yup, we've been living like a married couple.

Right. We're the perfect couple. But I think, "perfect" could be used to describe us in the beginning. Because now, we're fading.

Eversince our college life starts, we've been distant to each other. I must admit, on the first half of our relationship as boyfriends, we've been very close. Rev and I usually went out to have dinner date after our classes every night. He used to give me ride into my department. Rev apparently texted me what he's been doing every hour. Every break time he calls me to know what I've been doing.

"Couple Goals", that's what they call our relationship. Everyone in the university, every student and professor knows that we're dating.

Hah! Now I don't know what happened.

The start of the second half, our relationship eventually changed. He had been very busy eversince. Sometimes he would come back home from school late and tired. Usually, he texts me if he'll be late but now he stopped doing it.

Actually, I can understand that he's been very busy because he's majoring an engineering course. They have hectic scheds and I can accept that. But that's not the only thing that scars our relationship.

We have our occassional fights about anyone who allegedly dating me. It's like every week he'll be crushing someone over me. His possesiveness is out of place. And that's his biggest flaw. Last week we had a big fight about some guy in the Arts department that had been hitting me. But I know it's not true. And I don't know why the hell he'd been doing that. Is he making all these fights just to make an excuse to break-up with me?

Aside from our occassional fights, our every night date has been stopped. And he never drove me again to my department.

That sucks! Every night I'm worried of his whereabouts. I'm always worrying about him to the point that I can't handle my anxiety and frustrations that I just go to our bedroom, lock the door, and cry as much as my heart can.

Can I still handle this? I don't want to give up on our relationship. I don't want to waste our time together. I don't want to throw everything that we had.

I just wanna hold on to him. But how long will I be holding on? I'm afraid that my grip is already loosing and my heart starts breaking. Please Rev, please. Can we go back to the way we've been loving each other before?

Ring!

A text message comes from my friend, Lucky.

"Where are you guys? The party is about to start. Hurry up!"

"We are on our way." I lie.

"Okay, just hurry up. The roses will be called anytime soon."

"Okay."

"I think we should go now. I'm not going to change anymore. Anyway the guards will still let me in." I say to Rev. Rev gets up from the bed where he's lying and gets his car keys from the key stand then opens the door. I'm about to go after him when he says…

"I think I should go first. I don't want anyone from my friends think that I'm being with a lousy boyfriend."

What? What the? What the FUCK? Since when did you feel embarassed about me? Fuck that hurts!

And that's the trigger. If I must, I'll Kill This Love over him!

"Nikolasi, where the hell are you? I thought you'd be going with Rev?" Lucky asks over the phone.

"Yeah, I thought so to. But stop calling me Nikolasi or I'll tell everyone your scientific full name, Luncarium!" I tease him, trying to drift the topic so that we can't talk about Rev. He's such a jerk! Oh God help me, I don't want to make a decision that I will probably regret in my whole life. But I'm so upset that all I can think is brea- Stooooop!!!!!

"Fuck you! Don't you dare tell anyone or I'll be running around the campus yelling and telling everyone that you've been crying over your relationship with Rev. Haha!" Lucky laughs mischievously.

"Hey, did the party start?" I ask, trying again to misdirect the conversation. But to no avail-

"Oh Nikolasi, don't try to change the topic, honey." Honey, my ass. "I know that you two are fighting again. Because if you two are still ok, you'll be coming with him tonight." Yup, Lucky is the smartest assed prick I've ever known. He's the only who knows that my relationship with my boyfriend is fading, while everyone think that were still sweet to each other, being honey-bunny cocoa-milk to each other.

"Shut up!" I hiss. "Since you are there, can you tell me what he's doing right now?" I ask.

"What? You are not coming here? Oh you'll be in big trouble with Tiff. You are one of her roses. She'll be so mad with you."

"How can I go there? My boyfriend left me here." I explain, my voice almost crack because of dissapointment.

"Want me to come and get you?" he asks.

"You will?"

"Yes, I will. The program will start at 9 o'clock, I can still  come and take you here."

"But you texted me earlier that the party will start already. Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Nikolasi don't be stupid. When I said that the party will start, just the party not the program." he explains, making me feel like an idiot.

"Okay then, start dragging yourself here so that both of us will be there in time. It's already 8:15." I demand.

"I'll hang up then. Bye."

"Bye." I answer then he hangs up the phone call.

While waiting for Lucky to come around, I, myself must take care of my reddening eyes. Yes, I cried after Rev left me in my room. I know it was just words, but it does hurt so much. There's a peircing pain to the heart that words can give. The way he said it, the way his face showed disgust and disappointment, and the way he acted like he hate me, it was so fucking painful! "I don't want anyone from my friends think that I'm being with a lousy boyfriend." His words plays all over again in my mind, his shrilling voice defies my will to not cry again. But my tears roll down to my cheeks and I hear myself sobbing. Geez, relationships musn't be like this.

I heave a deep sigh and stand up from my bed and go to the bathroom. My eyes reddens even more. I quickly wash my face not minding the make-up then retouches again.

Few minutes later, Lucky's car horn blows, signalling that he's there outside my apartment. I go out and greet him with "Hoy!" which he greets back with the same manner.

"Have you been crying?" he asks directly.

"What? No." I deny. "Why would I be crying? Has someone died?" I ask back with sarcasm.

"Yes and No." he says. "It's not someone but something. And that something is, your heart!" he explains loudly that the whole neighborhood can hear.

"Sshhhh. Shut Up!" I scowl. "Okay, Okay, I cried. Are you happy now?"

"Not yet. I need to know why." Hah! Such a nosy prick! This jerk doesn't even want to miss a single event in my relationship. It's like his life mission is to be nosy about me all the time.

"He left me because I look like a disco ball."

"What? That's it? You cried for such a lame reason? You are such a crybaby." Sometimes I wanna smack Lucky in the head, sack him, and throw him into the lake. He doesn't even let me finish.

"Fuck you! That's not it. When you texted me earlier, we decided to start going to- "

"Hah! I know you were lying to me." He snaps. "You said you were on your way!"

"Okay, shut up! Can you let me finish first?" I demand. "When we were about to go out, Rev stopped me then said that he don't want me to go with him because he doesn't want anyone from his friends think that he's going with a lousy boyfriend."

Lucky remains silent for  few minutes. Then he finally says, "Shall we go now?"

"What? You are not going to comfort me?" I say while following him to his car. He opens the car door for me and says "Señorito". Lucky always do this, being sweet with me. Eversince, he's the only one who drove me to my department when Rev is not available. And these past few weeks, Lucky became my official driver because Rev had been so "BUSY!".

He starts the car and starts hitting the road. We remained silent for few minutes, then he says…

"He's a jerk."

"What? I mean who?" I ask.

"Your boyfriend." he says while his gaze focuses on the road. "Who in their right minds see their boyfriend as an embarrassment to someone. I can't believe him!" he bellows loudly while nipping his lips with his teeth.

"Yeah, but let's not talk about him anymore. I don't want to ruin my mood anymore." I say even though my mood had been ruined for a long time already.

"Okay." Why do I suddenly feel Lucky's rage inside his car?

We remained silent again for the whole ride.

We arrived at the venue 5 minutes earlier than the official program time. We took the elevator of the hotel to the 15th floor where the large  mess hall is located.

"Good evening, sirs." the guard greets us with his bright smile. "Can I check your invitation please?"

I scan my suit thoroughly.

OMG! I left my invitation card in the apartment. Gosh, I'm so stupid. I'm about to back out when-

"Here is our invitation card. It's a couple card." Lucky says then gave the card to the guard. I look at him, he's smiling again. I remember him being moody in the whole trip.

"Oh, I see." the guard looks at us. He smiles and says, "Mr. Nik, you really look like you are the one who's debuting tonight."

"Excuse me?" I ask because I don't understand him at all.

He smile again and opens then door for us, hinting us to come inside. We said our 'thanks' to him and went inside.

The guard is right. I seem to be the one debuting because the venue's design is similar to my suit. The vibe of the venue is dark but the luminous patents attached to the walls, curtains, and the stage make the venue look like a city night. Along with it, there are numerous lights swirling and curling up and down the mess hall. It's beautiful.

"Let's grab something to eat." Lucky says while making a baby face.

"No, let's find Rev first and we will eat together." I say to him.

"But I'm hungry and I'm sure Rev had already eaten something." he says.

"Okay." I answer him and we walk to the side of the mess hall where the buffet table is located. We fill our plates with delicious food the catering service boy offers and we sit down to a large table where most of my friends sit. They greet me and ask where is my boyfriend.

"I don't know." that's the only answer I could tell them. "Haven't you seen him earlier? He came here ahead of me." I ask. They all look at each other then Ridgy (my classmate and one of my friends) answers, "Err... Before you came and sat here with us, he went to the bathroom and he looks a little tipsy. Maybe you should go after him."

"Oh okay, thanks." I stand up and decided to go to the bathroom.

The bathroom is located at the edge side of the hall where few lights are installed. I rush to the bathroom when I suddenly halt my steps.

I see him standing at the wall with a girl infront of him. His hands are around her waist and their eyes lock at each other. I see them smiling at each other, their faces getting closer and…

I turn my pace and I hurry back to the table. My tears falling rapidly to my cheeks. I can't believe him! That's why he's been so cold to me all this time. That's why he's been avoiding me. That's why he doesn't have anytime for me because all his time is given to that girl!

All this time, when I was worried so much about his whereabouts, being late and all. He's with that girl. All this time when I was waiting for him at the parking lot, he has been driving her to school. All this time when I was waiting for his texts and calls, he's been flirting with that girl. All this time, I've been such an idiot to not know it all.

I'm crying so hard when all my friends noticed me. They looked at me with their worried faces.

"What happened?" Lucky asks while patting my back. I don't want to answer him.

"Ah, Nothing." I say with my voice trembling and my face soak with tears. "Can you take me back home."

They all look alarmed and one of them says, "I'm sorry Nik. But you can't go. The program already starts and they are already calling the roses."

"No. Please Lucky, drive me back home." If I only knew how to drive I would've dash to my apartment right now.

"Mr. Nik? Mr. Nik?" the host announces my name, calling me to the stage. There's no point in going back, the program already starts. So I just stand up again, wipe my tears, and start walking to the front stage.

I see Tiff dancing with her tenth rose, smiling proudly at him. She looks stunning. Her glowing gown and her 6-inch heels made her the star of the night. As the tenth rose stops dancing, he offered Tiff to me. I quickly reach her hands and dance her around.

"Are you crying? Why are your eyes so red?" she asks while we dance around the mess hall.

"Happy Birthday Tiff, you really look beautiful tonight." I say. "My contact lenses are hurting my eyes."

"Oh, you better take that off after our dance. Don't let it get irritated!" she says.

"Mr. Rev? Your turn!" the hosts says. I'm trembling when the hosts says his name. Even though I don't want to see him, I still give the hand of Tiff to him to show my courtesy.

I walk through the crowd not looking back at them anymore. My tears fall down again, heavier and warmer. Hah! What a night Nik! You have to endure the pain just to give people the impression they wanted to see. I have to look like the happiest man on earth. Because if not, their views on us being the "Perfect Couple" will be stained.

So while walking back to the table, I hear the host once again calling my name and Rev. "The debutant want some message from her two male bestfriends."

What? I have to go back again? And with Rev?

The manager of the venue gave me a microphone. I hold it with my trembling hands. I go to the stage where Rev stands up infront of Tiffany and the crowd. I stand beside him but the manager says we need to stand close. What?? Oh God! Do you want me to cry infront of the crowd.

I didn't want to argue with the manager so I did stand close to Rev, even though I hate him right now. To my surprise, Rev wounds his hands around my shoulder and he smiles at me. I did not smile back, I just avoid his gaze and focus my sight on the crowd.

"Any words for our Debutant?" asks the host.

"Ah yes. But before that," says Rev, still his hands clinging around me. "I wanted to announce that I…" he pause for a bit trying to procure suspense. But I already know what he's going to say. I think he's going to annouce that…

"I'm breaking up with my boyfriend, yeah." I say while gripping my hands tightly on the microphone. The urgent crowd exclaims disbelief with their eyes full of sorrow.

I turn my gaze to him, he looks stunned.

"Hey! Where are you going?" the man from the back asks behind me, following me as I start rummaging my steps to get out from the crowd. I walk endlessly infront of everybody with my head down. I don't mind everything, their scornful gazes, their continuous hushes and gossips, and their dissapointed faces. I just can't keep my head up.

Tonight, I just said the words

that I thought my mouth forbids to utter. I never thought throughout my entire relationship with him, those words wouldn't come up. But what can I do? It will be more painful if I heard those words from his mouth. I wanted to say it to him personally and privately, a perfect timing to say it. Breaking up isn't something you say publicly. But after seing him cuddling and… and... kissing somebody with my bare eyes broke my heart and my mind derilously blurt it's decision to break up with him. It was such a drastic decision but it was solid and unbreakable.

I keep my head down while walking rapidly in the crowd. I forge my will not to cry until I finally get home. My heart right now is in million peices, bringing a big bag of dissapointment, tears, and hate.

I suddenly halt my steps almost at the center of the mess hall when I see Tiffany walking towards me. She looks confused and a little bit irritated. As soon as I stop, the man who've been following me grabs my elbow and manuevers me to face him. I keep my face down. I don't want to see his face. Never.

"Guys, what the hell is happening?" asks Tiffany, she move infront of me beside Rev.

Rev did not answer her question and so do I. I don't want to talk right now. I just want to get out from here and ran away from him and the crowd. I don't know what devil words will come out from my mouth. Seriously, I want to throw snakes at him until my tounge twists.

"Nik, Rev, you do realize that you're ruining my party." Hah! Such idiotic and selfish sentiment, Tiff.

"I think we must go now. We must TALK about it. I hope he's just drunk that's why he said it." Rev excuses us. Tiffany nods.

Drunk? The only one who's drunk here is you, moron. (I think I'm starting to curse now.) Yes. He smells purely with alcohol but I don't how he look right now. I will never look at his face tonight or ever again.

What? Talk about it? No fucking freaking way! I will never talk about it with you! There's nothing to talk about! What's there to talk about? We are fucking DONE!!! (Curses rushing from my mouth.)

As soon as he excuse us he forcefully clamp his hand on my elbow, stronger than before. He starts to walk forward dragging me by my elbow.

I must admitt that it feels like he doesn't want me to let go. It feels like his grip is resembling ownership and possessiveness. It feels like, I'm wrong.

Right now I'm starting to think twice about my decision earlier. Did I really misunderstood something? I don't know. I think there is something to talk about.

Yeah, I'm such a mess right now. I simply couldn't hold my words. One single move from him makes me think twice. It's just a grip and I'm starting to rebuild my heart again. Fuck Myself! I'm a mess.

We move rapidly leading towards the door. The guard turns consciously and opens the oak door infront. We are about to get out when we bump into a lady.

It is the lady that Rev kissed earlier. It is the lady whom he have been fond of. I'm stunned seeing her. And Rev have been stunned too, he halt his steps and his knees are trembling. This time, he looses his grip on my elbow and let my hand go. Fuck!

"Where are you going, Rev? I just got here to dance with you. I'm happy that you chose me as your date-… Oh." she stops as soon as she saw that I'm at Rev's back.

Seeing her and hearing those words from her brings back the piercing ache in my heart. And the hate that I have with him grows more. I guess that what I said earlier was the best decision I have ever made in my entire life.

If he's happy with another one, why do I have to hold onto him? If he's needing someone else, why would I fight for my own sake? If he's loving someone else, why should I keep my self in his life? If his happiness is with that lady, I guess it's time to let go because I know that I'm the one who's losing and hurting. Then it's time to let you go. You two could fuck each other as long as you want. I don't care anymore! ANYMORE!

I desperately move outside the oak door passing them. I run crying until I reach the hotel's elevator. I never look back. Never.

As soon as I land my foot on the street I wait for a cab, still crying my heart out. I know I said I don't care anymore but it fucking hurts, so just let me cry until I can bare with the situation. My face is soaking wet, even my handkerchief drips tears from it.

I'm crying and waiting anxiously when a horn blows twice at my back. It is Lucky's car, I oddly memorized the sound of his horn. He goes out from the door and walk rushing towards me. His face looks concerned and his eyes breaks a little value of comfort.

"Hey, are you ok?" he says as soon as he reach me. He ravels his hand on his tuxedo's pocket and pull out a black handkerchief. He gently wipes my tears off my face while muttering, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have forced you to come here and I should've drove you earlier when you asked me."

"No. Its… its... Ok." I say while my voice shaking and cracking as I cry hard.

"Yeah, he is really a jerk." he says. "Come on, I'll drive to your apartment. Or do you want to go somewhere else?"

"Can you... Can you hug me? Just to comfort me." I say pleadingly.

He smiles and hug me tightly. His hug is all I need right now. I'm glad he's here with me. No matter how dull my day is, Lucky is always there for me. My bestfriend never failed doing his role even though sometimes he's acting like a douchebag.

I feel a little less tense while hugging him. I feel like I'm safe. I feel like his embrace makes me feel needed at some ways. The need that Rev never let me feel.

I'm drowned with his hug when a voice comes annoyingly from someone. Someone who made me want some hugs.

"Enjoying my boyfriend's hug?" says Rev mockingly. Lucky embraces me tighter than before.

"Yes. I think so." answers Lucky. I don't know what Rev look right now because Lucky has no plan of letting me go. I still keep facing the other side of the street. "I really enjoy my bestfriend's hug very much! And I have no plan of letting him go."

Why do I feel something strange with what Lucky says? Is there something I should know?

"Let him go." I can feel Rev's anger in his voice. Why is he angry?

"No." says Lucky defiantly, hugging me tighter. I can't breathe.

"I said let him go. Come on, man! I need to talk to him." Rev says, his voice has the mixture of anger and pity.

"What do you want to talk about? Is it about your new girlfriend?" says Lucky mockingly.

Honestly, I want to punch Lucky for bringing back the topic but I realize that he just want to mock Rev and get him stay out of my sight.

"Shut up! Give me my boyfriend if you want to keep your fucking face tight." says Rev angrier than before.

"Give? What is he a 'toy' you can play over and over?" That must startled Rev, I heard few crickets chirping because of his silence.

"No. He's not a toy to me. He's… He's... My heart." I swear I wanna see his face right now.

"Oh Rev, stop with your nonsense. For all I know, you're using your sweet words to win him back. And for what? To play with him and break his heart again? No fuckin' way! Give him the space he probably need right now." Lucky says and he finally release his tight hug but he hold my hands tightly.

For the first time, I see Rev's face. I don't know what should I feel. His eyes are about to cry. His face is in beet red. And he slump his shoulder and his body's trembling. Should I feel sorry for him? Should I come to him and comfort him? Do we really need to talk? Why am I so vulnerable? Fuck myself.

"Let's go." Lucky says and he drag me to his car. He starts the engine and he starts to drive away.

Rev still standing there, near the post and his gaze follows our way. For a moment, I see his tears dropping down. Shit!