Living in a society where whatever you do isnt correct. where do you go then? after rejection with a heavy heart where do you find the comfort?

I don't remember the last time looking back at the place I adore.. it's been long since we moved out of there but the Truman hasn't left me empty. I can admit truly that I was never left all alone by myself. I had my memories, anxity, Rejection and myself. the biggest gift I've ever was gifted by the universe was this body, a worthy, strong, powerful soul, mind that was able to create imaginations which saved me so many times that now I almost live in one of those worlds with all my loved ones. I never open up to anyone. people take me as an mysterious and smart person who is able to stand all alone in a society which hi-lights the negative parts of ours, then that's what they really want to see? isn't it? because when we fall we feel, then why is that feeling so heavy? I think a murder is less heavier then this one. often when we show the broke side of ours to the society they get an point of picking that part over again and again. why is that. I'm not good at sports, for which I often get pulled and judged for my body. I never mind on those useless comments because I know what I am and I know at the best point least I have an perfect and healthy body. that is what matters to me. who sees that. all are often looking for the weakness that when we turn strong they think we are changed. why is that? aren't we all suppose to change? nothing is perfect! no matter what you do and who you are.. to them! you are too skinny, too fat, too flat, too dark, too pale, too tall, too short!!

Nothing is perfect to them.. no matter how hard you try everything will still remain the same as it always was. why? because we ourselves are dealing with this society and also at the other side. We are the same Society from which we all are trying to run from. what I'd I say is.... there's no place to hide.. no matter wherever you go.. because the closest one is the person you are afraid of being humiliated or hated from. the closest often don't discriminate but among those "often donts" there are these one possible chances they do consider you weak at some point.. Never let that put you down. remember the trial for trusting yourself is the first path to resistance.

if I could turn back time, I would have changed the stereotypes not the society.

it all starts from the inside. after all it's just a lie. a lie of living the happiest among the happy. What eats up is just a phase that never really ends.

See, I'll be honest with you. Being a only child isn't so bad also in the other hand. it Isn't SO Good.. sometimes you feel like, all the attention is up to u! and that's good.. but also at some certain times.. you are expected to be "360" at ones. And That is when you feel miserable.

I felt the same.. why not.. I'm only a human being.. how am I suppose to do everything at ones.. it is real that you can expect me to.. but not everyone's good at everything right..

yea.. this are the lines.. I'm tired of explaining to my parents. being the only child my mother's side.. I was their center of attention in a family reunion also an center of jealousy frm my cousins. yeah, my cousins hate me with all they have.. Hate isn't enough sometimes.. so they plan tricks to prove that I'm stupid and clumsy.

Yet they fail everytime.. it's not like they hate me.. and I love them and accept they are ideal cousins I ever had.. I hate them as well, why? oh because they hate me.

so this way the hate continues.

I'm a only child, I don't know the struggle or feeling of having siblings.. some say it's fun, while others say it's worse. but I say..when you have siblings the pressure of being the "360" is less.. like if you are the older you are supposed to be the "second parent" of your sibling which explains that weather you be the good one then your sibling gets compared with you.. BUT IF THE OPPOSITE HAPPENS.. and your sibling is better than you!.. TRUST ME! YOUR LIFE IS RUINED!. you get so compared with them that their will be time when you will feel so miserable and unworthy that you will think that you are not important anymore and you need to give up on everything. which leads to suic**el thoughts. **( I recommend professional help for situations like that. mental health issues need to be specialized under professional help)***

well these are the answers I got from my friends who have siblings or I saw such stuff in my cousins. to be honest, I don't think I need these kind of stuff or troubles at my daily life as the 24 hours I spent are already much troublesom.

my parents have higher expectations with me. from an early age I was engaged in several actives such as Art, music, culture and education is their of course. now what I mean by "culture"? culture means.. learning different educational stuff as an thing. such as - having the knowledge about what's going on around the world, famous personalities and their deeds and so much more. growing up with all these added to my unwanted list.. I created bases upon art, music and the mythology stuff.. I created special interest upon the "Greek and Indian mythology" I loved their stories and mythic talks. but I barely had anyone to talk to.. mum was always tired by the household work and dad came home from work tired as well.. and I didn't had enough friends.. barely a few of them.. so I spented most of my times alone and in silence because I had nobody..

as I grew up.. as a teenager I felt the waves of loneliness and soon I felt depressed about myself as I was lonely and had noone to talked to Or listen too. now I felt like I am leftover among my friends and soon I started to ignore them as well.. and was left with very few.. and I was laughing and smiling and talking with some of those that I really felt good.. but it was only for some hours.. after that again.. all alone..

I saw the colours when the lights were on and fell asleep into the colourless nights.

I fell deeper into the social media feeds watching the rich and the famous. I lost myself. their was times when these entertained me no more and that's when I was again surrounded by the loneliness.

Now you know. I am the only child. it takes allot of trouble to be one.

I grew up as expected but I didn't find it as attractive as I thought it would turn out as an child.

As an child. it's often was so colourful to think of growing up! as we saw the adults do whatever they liked and there was no one to scold them or to tell them what they need to do.. we saw the adults eat whatever they liked and did whatever they wanted to.. and that was all we wanted to do as grown ups.. and often when we think of those memories we laugh or smile and think "those days were so good, I wish I could go back to those daya". where their where no stress, no problems, no grief, no nothing. just wake up, have breakfast and go to school, meet those friends and start an usual day. where the only stress was a "class test" which we forgot to prepare for.

As we grow up somehow everything seems to loose interest in our eyes or we often don't have much time to waste on the things we had great interest when we were kids. as we grow our opinions and interest start getting more and more complex, just like our time and we just keep getting more messed up between them.

Now almost everything is colourless and pale after a rough day at work or a morning, woke up and feeling Numb and nothing.

we call it "Growing up".

Teens today are dealing with allot of things that they like to keep their parents away from. I agree, as they are growing they need privacy and this much is usual. Well, it was all fine as an teenager but growing up I often feel like "I wish I had my parents next to me". but they are not. they are well aware that now I am an stable adult and am capable of keeping myself busy with various activities that I WOULD NEVER HAVE A TIME WHERE I WILL stand Infrornt of the Mirror and search the old me through the reflections of today. OR I WILL NEVER FEEL LONELY STILL COMING TO A CERTAIN AGE. or some nights I can just stare at the ceiling and feel the need of them. they know. they are well aware that we can but still choose to be silent. Just to make their young blood even more stronger. the same COULD happen with teenagers. but the problem is they are not adults and At a age like this they want their family, specially parents to support them with the best they could give.

...But the reality Slaps all!...

... the child when they realized they can't grow all over sudden. the teenager when they know they are getting questioned about their trial of hiding their Problems with the best they can. ...

...And The adults when they fall asleep with tears running down their cheeks, knowing they are Alone. ...