Hi I am Ann and this is my story. I have grown out to be a wonderful girl. Or atleast I think so. I am not a ten out of ten pretty girl with clear glossy face but I try hard and I do love myself. Even though I have not been in a relationship, I have always controlled my urge for a relationship. Why? Because in the end all the relationships are just a dead end. Because you are too young to love and because you don’t know what is love, it’s hard to describe it. Will we all end up like our parents marriage? Happy? Sad? Satisfied? There is no perfect answer for that. But yeah anyways I have lead a quite and a happy life and look forward to be like this in the future.

I am an ARMY!! I love korean dramas I fantasies having relationships like one of my favourite drama...but it’s not real isnt it ? I guess the fear of being left out alone makes me so defensive and negative...😬

When I was in class 8, my mom introduced me to a boy, who now has been my friend for 3 years now. Our relationship is very weird. I am not good at making friends very soon and boys are out of question. But we both got along well and became good friends. Yes, we were only FRIENDS 😂. He had a girlfriend then has a girlfriend now. He is the only real guy friend I have. That guys name is Peter. He had presentable or decent looks...black curly hair and a tall, slim body 😂😂. I was very shy and embarrassed around him at first ...but over the years we became friends 👫

I was afraid to fall in love becuase I thought it was too much to handle. Even though many people would tell me that I am young and dumb...I know that it’s not true. I am 16 years old I can choose and decided what I want for myself in life. I have had bad relationships in the past with guys. I would sometimes feel that I am not good enough so I would break it off first instead of getting dumped later. Now a days everyone has pride, be it the girl or the guy. In the practical world can you live a korean drama like life or a manga like life? No i guess.

There is a handsome CEO waiting for you. Like who are you kidding...there are less than 2% ceo who are young and handsome...let alone choose nobody like me. Also I don’t think women will agree that they would be clingy like in the mangas female lead...like the typical dumb and cute ones😂😂😂

Yeah that’s not the picture I have in mind.

Can something magical happen to me in this boring life of mine?

Can somebody break down these wall I have created?

Can I learn to trust somebody? To love some body?

I guess we can learn and grow together as you read this.

Summer Break.

Something really embarrassing happened. I guess this was one of the most most like literally the worst days of puberty I ever had!

Few days earlier...

Mom: So Peter’s parents have invited us to their vacation house this summer. Are you excited?

Me: * Honestly no. I mean I would rather spend time binge watching Kdramas, eat junk, not take baths everyday ......to put it sweet and simple...live a pigs life!* Yes very EXCITED 😫😭.

Sometimes I feel if someone really knows how I stay at home...will they really like me? I mean sometimes I dress like a beggar or depending on my mood for that day I would put on my expensive dress with neat hair and make up on.

Both the ways my parents and friends don’t recognise me. 😒😂

Since their vacation house was on a beach...we had to go on shopping and buys swim suits!! My mom was very excited for this trip.

Mom: Lets go to a saloon and do some face treatment. We have to be prepared for everything.

Me: 😫

So we went to the saloon...and this was the first time I was doing to do some face treatment.... anyways it was done.

If by face treatment you mean my pimples would be seen more clearly...it was the best treatment I could have. 🥺🙄

Few days later,

Day Before The Trip!

The worst nightmare happened to me...there was some chemical reaction on my face which lead to a BIG MESS.

I felt as if my life had turned up side down. Like as if nothing in my life could go smoothly.

I had a big burn type layer on my upper lips. I was so scared when I looked at myself in the morning with such a big burn.

I was looking beyond ugly. We went to a dermatologist but no medicine can heal that thing in a next day. The trip was tomorrow! How am going to face anyone...it may be childish to think what others think but at that time I could not help but think this.

I ofcourse wanted to look good in Peters eyes...all though I would be 89.98889% less pretty now in his eyes.

The Day Of The Trip!

I could not sleep a wink. I carried a hand mirror with myself and kept on looking at the burn which was not getting any better. I thought if god was taking some kind of let’s-see-how-embarrassed-she-can-be test.

My eyes were down the whole time. Yes peter asked me what had happened and did not say anything else but that was not making me feel any better.

The whole time I was looking down. I avoided my eyes and was talking less to him. I guess he could feel those do-not-look-at-me vibes.

The whole trip was mostly spent in silence.

I was just thinking if he thinks

I looks ugly? I am not attractive?

I just wanted to go to my room and hide. I could not bear to imagine how I was going to face my rest of so called vacation days.

Can some body fast foward the next few days?

Will I be able to survive with this face infront of him?