"I don't love you anymore."

This sound still lingers in my ears, like the last

song syndrome.  The only thing I was able

to say at that moment was the word "Okay."

This isn't the first time I heard those words, but

every time it hits different, it makes me feel numb and more indifferent than

the first time these words are said.

And this is how our story started... as the other

one ends...

"I LOVED HIM WITH ALL OF MY HEART. I GAVE HIM

EVERYTHING I HAVE; THERE IS NOTHING MORE I CAN GIVE!" I blurted out of

dismay while having coffee with my best friend, Kyle.

"Stop crying! You look so F*CK*ng terrible\,"

he said.

Kyle is never comforting. He is not the type of

friend you should count on when sugarcoating and making you feel better. Kyle

is not that type of friend; I can never emphasize that enough. He is the one

who says things straight to the point! Kyle will tell you what you should hear,

whether you like it or not, and that is what I like about him! He is always

genuine, he might not be kind, but he is always the sincere and honest friend

you can rely on.

"You know, babe, here is all I can say, and

you better listen because my time is so expensive, and you keep on wasting it!

You do not deserve this! There are so many fishes in the sea. Stop your

obsession over a F*CK*ng SHRIMP!" Kyle said in a tone that is calm but

stern.

"But I love him! It is not something I chose

or something I can easily control, as they say, Love is Blind," I

retorted.

"You know what, I am done here! This is a

waste of my precious life and valuable time! Go chase after pot of gold at the

end of the elusive rainbow, the hell I care, "Kyle responded in a cold

tone and is about to leave the coffee shop where we are.

"Where are you going?" I asked while

grabbing his arms in an attempt to stop him from leaving. "You are

supposed to console me and listen to my stories. That's what friends are for,"

I said in a firm tone.

"Friend? Friends listen to each other. We are

not Friends!" Kyle returned as he storms out of the coffee shop.

I ran after him after I paid our order, this guy

walks so fast! He is nowhere to be seen when I got out of the Coffee Shop, I

tried to call and message him, but he is not responding to any of it.

I've decided to just go home and finish the novel I

am writing; by the way, I work as a Writer on a web novel application, and not

to brag, my work is always on the Top 10. I love to write about femme fatale

characters who are strong and untamable, women who are good at everything they

do and are loved by many men. Men who will die for them and who are willing to

give everything they have even for the tiniest attention, the slightest sign of

them being loved by the main character. I hope this is also true for me.  Well, at most, I am good at everything I do.

People call me intelligent and beautiful who seem to have the "Midas'

Touch." I am a consistent honor student, and I also slay pageants; this is

why most people will think that I am living an easy life. Well, at some

aspects, yes, except for one -Love!

For some reason, I always end up falling in love

with assholes! I mean, I do not even know why. I seldom have suitors; people

say men get intimidated by me and my achievements, and I am not sure if that is

true, but that is how things seem. I had my first real suitor in college; he is

my first and only boyfriend with whom I have had an on-and-off relationship for

five years now. He cheated on me, called me boring, ignored me throughout our

relationship. Still, for some reason, I am tied to him just as an elephant is

connected to the pole he was stuck into while growing up- I know I can get out

of this abusive relationship, but it is easier said than done. I always end up

either clinging to him or accepting him regardless of the situation. I know

this is stupid, and I should be the one suffering, but I can't help it.

I think the Black Pink song Kill this Love before

It kills me too, and I know Kyle is frustrated with me. He is always the one

who picks me up when I fall. Whenever I need a drink or when I just need

someone to talk to. He never comforts me the way my other friends do, but he is

always accurate and on point. Sometimes, we need a friend who will not

sugarcoat our stupidity and tell us upfront that we are messed up and that we

deserve better. He is always there for me when I needed him. He is such a good

friend, if he is not gay, I would have married him already, but he doesn't like

girls. I would admit that I have this gut feeling that he likes me; however,

that is RIDICULOUS, so I would just drive away that illusion and look at things

from an objective point of view. Do you know what destroys friendships almost

100% of the time? When the line between friendship and romance is blurry, I do

not want to lose this friendship; that is why I always look at things

objectively, but let me tell you a secret, sometimes he makes my heart flutter.

"Hey! "I shouted when Kyle finally

answered my call.

"What" He responded.

"I have been calling you the whole day! Why

are you not answer my calls? What is wrong with you? I sh…" Kyle hung up

the phone, and I was not able to finish my sentence.

I redialed his number, and it was out of reach. "What

is wrong with this s*n of a bi*tch!" I said to myself while trying to find

my car keys and about to drive to his place. I do not understand this behavior;

he was always there for me. Yes! Often, he will find me annoying and weird, but

he never shut me out like this. Even though he doesn't have nice things to say,

he is always there to listen and talk with me, patiently waiting for me to

sobber and bring me home drunk. I do not understand.

"katok" A Kakaotalk notification came in.

"Do not go out! I will not open my door. I do

not want to see you today! You are annoying. "Kyle messaged me on the app.

"Wow! So, I am the one annoying now?!" I

said while staring sternly at my phone.

"I can't take this anymore. I need to talk

with Kyle and ask him what is wrong. I am the one who broke up with my

boyfriend, but he is the one throwing tantrums at me! Wow!" I said

annoyingly as I walk out of my house wearing a black hoodie and jogging pants

and firmly clasping my car keys on my hands.

I was about to start my car parked outside my gate

when I heard a familiar voice behind me.

"Hey! Didn't I tell you to not get out? "It

was Kyle, holding a box of beer and Fried Chicken in his left hand.

"Yaa! What is wrong with you? "I shouted

at him.

Silence, he just looked me blankly in the eye and

winked.

I ran towards him and hugged him. I put my face on

his chest and mumbled, "What is wrong with you?"

"Do not wrinkle my shirt. It's an LV, "he

playfully said while playing tapping my head.

"The F*CK! Are you teasing me right now?"

I retorted.

"Haha, it is a fact. Let's go inside; it is

freezing here. It is not good for our skin" I look at Kyle with irritated

eyes, but I smile.  I grabbed the chicken

in his hands and followed him inside.

This makes me happy.  Talking with my best friend while laughing

and annoying him.

"So, Let's get down to business; what is wrong

with you today?" I asked Kyle with a sharp tone.

"I mean, you never shut me out; what is wrong?"

I followed up since he did not answer my first question.

"It’s just annoying, “he said in a calm tone

while eating his chicken wings.

“What is annoying?” I asked while drinking my beer

in between words.

“Your stupidity is starting to annoy me,” he said

in a calm yet serious tone while looking at me straight into the eyes.

“I mean, I do not understand the logic behind all

these years. Are you not tired? Of how your relationship with that Shrimp is

going? Girl, you deserve better than this, and that what annoys me,” He

continued.

I did not say anything and just continued drinking

my beer. What is there to say anyway? That is on point. Somehow, I realize it

after all these years. What am I doing? Even I get tired of all these charades

and shenanigans, and I know I am near the point of no return.

I tried to salvage our relationship because it was

my first date, my first kiss, my first everything! But right now, even these

first, it feels nothing but a memory that needs to fade away. Instead of being

in love and being happy, my first love felt like a cell, a holding cell that I

cannot escape in, no matter how hard I try.

“Hey,” Kyle said in a low tone,

“Huh?” I responded

“What were you thinking? Look, I think your phone

is ringing; check who’s calling,” he said while pointing at my phone.

When I checked my phone, we both got dismayed. It

is a familiar name that we both dreaded to see.

“자기야(jagiya)”

“Wow, this jerk is something!” Kyle said in an

annoyed tone. While I just stare blankly on my phone.

“Yaa! Don’t tell me you will answer that?” he said

in the same tone again.

“Huh?” I answered blankly.

“If you answer that call, I am telling you now, I

will never talk to you again! I mean it, Angela!” Kyle said in an angry tone. I

know he is serious; I mean, DEAD SERIOUS. But something inside of me is

boiling. I feel that I need to answer this call.  I think that I might be able to end this on a

good note. Somehow, something inside of me, a little voice of courage, tells me

to answer the call and stand on my ground.  And there it goes; I pressed the answer button while looking at Kyle’s

eyes. His expression changed so fast, from confused to annoyed and then angry.

He stormed the room so quickly that I was not able to run after him. He did not

hear what I said on the phone.

“Hello,” I answered the man on the other line.

“Babe, I’m sorry” Michael’s voice sounded so

sincere in my ears, I can hear his sobs.

“Huh?” I replied blankly. My mind seemed to stop working

right after I heard his voice on the other line.

“I did not mean what I said, I still love you, I

know you love me, do you still love me? “

He said on the other line.

I know I heard it clearly, but for some reason, I

cannot understand. It is like a resounding bell that doesn’t mean anything to

me. I felt numb. I can’t even describe what I am feeling now…

“Babe? Are you still there, “said Michael.

“Oh? Yes,” I answered expressionlessly,

“Do you still love me?” He asked again since I did

not answer him the first time,

“Yes,” I said impassively,

“Are we good now?” He asked in a happier tone as it

seems to me,

“No,”

I said sternly and hung up the phone, blocked the

number. I threw the phone on the couch, stare at it blankly for some seconds,

and somehow this felt good. It felt relieving! The handcuffs and chains that

have been with me for all these years are is finally broken!  I chucked for a good five minutes while my

head is lying on the couch,

“Did you see that, Kyle? I did it!” I said while

looking at the ceiling; when I heard no response, I lifted my head and tried to

look around for him, and then I remembered that he stormed out of the room when

I answered the phone.

I went out of the house and tried to look out for

him outside the gate. I wanted to call him, but he is screening my calls, and

he is not responding to my Kakaotalk Chats as well:

“Ya! Where are you?  I did it! I broke up with him for good! “

“Hey! Where are you? Did you go home?”

“Oppa, why are you not responding to my chats and

my calls!  Do you want to die?!”

“I am going there now!”

I went back inside my house to get my car keys,

when I am about to open my car door, somehow, I felt dizzy, everything is

turning black, and there is a popping sound in my ears. Before I entirely lost

consciousness, I saw a stranger approaching me, a black silhouette that I am

not sure If I am familiar with.