Diarywalk
aira passes
aira
why did you give me birth, if i should live like this! why why why !!
"while crying out all the anger"
inda mother
it's because your father made my life miserable you deserve to blame him, not me, he make your life is like that! I have given birth to you, you should be grateful for that, you live like this because of your own father. his shoes he gave me money for me to take care of you. but he is busy working but never give me money where he put all that hardworking money, and he also starved me while you were still in my stomach, i need to find my own food while im pregnant to you, and I also gave birth by myself because he suddenly died. I have no choice !?
mother always blamed father who I never knew who since birth. because he died when I was born.
"is my life just a mistake? like the world doesn't hear me cries it's like I don't deserve to live. do I should die, so why did gods give me a life why?
because I don't know who to blame? What should I do? I became helpless.
"where i was born? I even dont know? because I don't have a hometown. I only know I grew up in all the small villages. until my mother took me away, when I was 5 years old, because of a sibling quarrel in the family that was crazy about my grandfather's inheritance from family of my mother
"should still i can called it family? "
when I grew up in that village. I am very close to my mother's grandmother name is kalsum. she is 80 years old but she looks like she is still 60 years old.
" i don't have identity? because of my mother dont write me born on paper. but because the teacher was a good friend of my mother's, I was able to go to school with her help. because she saw that I was good at writing at the age of 4, so while my mother was busy working, I was at school as if someone was taking care of me. but i dont feel like it, because everyone at school looking not like me in. i cant feet in but im pretent ok. at mother is eyes so she will no worries about me.
but when mom taking me away i lost all my future. i live without no future or dream. even if i want i cant bring it on i just still 5 year old kids. need support from parents. i cant live alone on a street that i never know where? and beside that im just a little girl im scared.
after mother was in another country mother met mr. saif and because he helped mother a lot to provide shelter and employment and invited the mother to marry him. mother just accepted his proposal.
so i got a stepfather on my 5 year old. for the first time
" i feel like i dont belong here."
even he is love joke sometime but he never give me anything Attention more than just a joke that i hate it sometime.
at my aged 8 year old, i finish all day just by staying home. not like other kids going to school or hang out with friend, but i even not have what they called it a friends.
My mother is pregnant again. when I was 8 years old and my stepfather asked to move house because it was close to work place. and there i meet daya.
daya is the daughter of uncle malik and aunt ani she is the next door neighbor, uncle malik and aunt ani was kind person, and they're dauther daya was only 1 year old that time. Their families always invite us to eat together. i was shy sometime because i was jeleous they have a good family that i dream it.
after a few months of moving to a new house, he left my mother and got married with another else woman that his parent like, he was lie after he returned to his parents' house and left my mother forever. at that time my mother was pregnant with his baby 5 -month.
that's when he returned to pick up his belongings at his friend's place. and mother knew it immediately went rush to look for him at his friend's place.
when my mother arrived at his friend's house.
inda mother
where!!! where he is!!! tell me!
my mother screaming with angry
my mother rush run to him.
inda mother
why! why!! why!!! why doing it while i was pregnant to your son. why!!! your married other else woman because your mom not like me! but she know that im pregnant. why!!!
the sound of shouting while crying held back the heartache.
ken
*embrassing * whispered
he left when my mother knelt down, weeping pulling on her shirt.
because my mother who is still pregnant can't move to run to him
so my mother overflowed angrily, tearing all her clothes.
while crying screaming outloud.
I could only see, could not help because I who was still a child could not interfere in the affairs of adults. but my heart aches to see a mother like that. even so my mother still didn't blame him. even after his departure. when my mother still pregnant and crying all night, she still love him very much.
"I do not understand that feeling"
"but one thing i know by seeing it i can feel the pain"
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