Jane was walking on the street out of her mind, walking like a zombie. Head low and without any energy. What the doctor drop earlier made her deaf even the loud beeping of the cars and the shouts of the drivers at her with full of frustration, scratching their heads as if they have dandruff.

“Hey! Do you want to die?” an unknown man asked.

She looked at the man directly and answered politely “How, I wish Sir” then bowed her head, asking forgiveness for the traffic she have caused and continue walking until her feet touch the floor of their home.

She doesn’t even know if this is called a “home”, since the death of his older brother the whole mansion become dull. Her parents doesn’t want her because for them she was the reason why her brother died that soon to be her Dad’s successor but turns out to be dead and buried 6 feet below the ground. Thanks to her.

“I’m home” she said as if someone would greet her back.Stop dreaming, Jane! They hate you! She silently scolded herself.

She walked sadly on their grand staircase that worth half million. At the middle, she stop and sigh then continue on walking until she’s in front of his brother’s room. She put the key on the key hole and open it. She put her shoulder bag on the bed and touched the big picture frame of his beloved brother. Later on, she talk.

“Hey, Kuya. I know you are watching and guiding me from above. Thank you for saving my life even though I didn’t deserve to live. You see? I’m dying, kuya. Hahaha unlucky you, you risked your precious life for this dying girl.” She blinked and tears escape from her eyes.

Flashback*

“Doc, Good morning. I received your email last night and you said the latest result just arrived. How was it?” Jean asked gleefully.

Aside from being a cancer patient which was her parents didn’t know because of the incident happened to 5 years ago which she’s just thirteen at that time. She’s turning 23 next month but her parents never forgive her.

“Hey! Come have a seat Jane” Doc Ryan said. He was the one who help my brother when I collapsed outside the café. Also he was the one who told us about my condition, I don’t know if I would be thankful or not.

Jane sat at the client chair. “Then? How was it?”

“Are you sure you don’t want to undergo a treatment?”

“You know my answer would still be the same”

“Why?”

“I don’t have a reason to live. You see? My parents hate me, my brother died because of me, nobody cares for me”

“You still have a month to live, Jane”

“What?”

“You still have a month to live”

*End of flashback*

Crying and shouting silently for all the pain she have felt every day and the fact that her parents didn’t know about it for 5 years. They are not interested anyway. She was just 13 when she and her brother find out about her condition.

Before she was eager so undergo a treatment but now all she wanted is to see her older brother in heaven. I miss him. I miss my protector. I miss my shield. I miss my strength. How I wish that I can turn back the time so that I can correct my mistakes that lead to my brother’s death.

“I’m so sorry, ya. It’s been years but still I can’t forgive myself. I always dream about that incident, it was deeply carved inside my head and whatever move on I make will always a failure”

Jane felt her knees weakening, she lie on the bed and continue crying until her heart's content. She was exhausted and fall asleep and she was awake because of her mother’s angry voice.

“Why the hell, you evil thing is here?” her mom asked like she was not her own flesh and blood.

“I did tell you a hundred times that you are prohibited to enter this room! How many IQ you’ve got in that head of yours? For you to forget huh? What a retard shit”

That was hurt. *Sighs* Never mind I was immune being called one for 5 years; I just hate the fact that they didn’t throw me out! I would gladly leave if they would ask for it.

“What?! Why the hell are you not answering? Why are you not defending yourself? Guilty are we?”

She remained silent, mouth close and low her head as if she’s a dog being scolded by her master’s. I wished this would stop. I wished my heart would stop beating. I wished I was the one who died. Before her Mom continue with her monologue, Dad interrupt.

“Hon, I want to rest! Let her be, for now”

“Good for you, evil thing” Mom said before shutting the door.

I didn’t know if I should be thankful or not. What Dad said was not to let me go. If mom is angry about my brother’s death, my dad was more angry than mom. If you’re asking why I did not leave this home that’s because of my brother's memory.

Jane with swollen red eyes go to her room and crumpled on her bed as severe headaches attacked and her vision become blurry.

Arrrrrghhh!! My head is like going to explode in any minute! Arrrrrghhh, Jesus!

The grunt of the hurt woman could be heard in the four corners of the room, its Jane’s. Nobody was there for her, nobody wants to be in her side not even her parents. She was alone all through the years, she doesn’t have someone to lean on.

Arrrrghhh! Shitt it so hurt! Is this my karma for being a stupid sister? Is this?

Her headaches last for many hours until she fall asleep without eating anything. At exactly 3 a.m she was awaken by her nightmares again. I don’t know if there’s a night that I will sleep well without getting awaken because of my nightmares. Maybe that would be the day when death welcomes me.

She go to the kitchen and drink a fresh milk after that she go back to her bed. Lying down, thinking.

Should I need to move? Before I die I want to leave my life to the fullest and being with this house is like caging me.

With that thought she got up and get her diary, there she listed down her 10 bucket list before dying. After that she get three pairs of clothes, one pair of flip flops, one pair of shoes and 18 designer bags. She left the bags that her brother gives to her special occasions. When she finished, she slowly lock her room and quietly leave the house. Before she left, she looked at their house that she leaved for 17 years.

Kuya, I hoped you would understand and support my decision for leaving our home. I’m so sorry, I just want to do this my way.

After that, she completely leaved. Good thing there’s a taxi outside their subdivision. It was an old man, maybe around 60s or 70s.

After that, she completely leaved. Good thing there’s a taxi outside their subdivision. It was an old man, maybe around 60s or 70s.

“Child, where should I drop you?” the old man asked.

“Ahm, take to the near bank Grandpa where there’s 24/7 ATM machine” she answered.

When they arrived she go out then said, “Grandpa, can you wait for me? I just need to cash out some money”

“Of course” he answered.

She swiped her card then put her pin. She cash out five hundred thousand pesos, half of her trust fund amount. Gonna use it wisely. After that, she go back to the taxi. The old man was felt awkward and intimidated as he saw the huge amount of money.

“Now grandpa, take me to an orphanage you know that was far from this city” she said.

Without any thoughts the old man start driving away from the city, it took them 3 hours drive so basically they arrived at 6 in the morning. She give the old man 30 thousand pesos for her fare.

“But this money is more than enough, lady”, the old man said as he try giving back the money but Jane held his hand and answered.

“I know, grandpa. I give that amount of money for my fare and also to help you even if you don’t tell me I know you have a problem in your home. Look, an old man at your age should be resting and sleeping comfortably in your home at this hour not waking up at 3 a.m. and start finding money. So please take it.”

The old man can’t say no because true enough, he have a financial problem facing at that time. When the old man goes back to the city, she enters the orphanage. She was welcomed by Mother Teresa, the one who handle the orphanage for a long time. The owner of the orphanage is Mr. Ruiz, the father but they heard that the orphanage was under his sons' supervision. But the man wasn’t always there so Mother Teresa takes place.

“Good morning, Miss. How may I help you?”

“Mother, I need a place to stay. Can I stay here even for a month?” she asked.

Mother Teresa nodded her head and guides her until they reach the room in the backyard. The children playing with their toys stopped and looked at them. Maybe they are wondering who I am. They entered the room; it has minimal designs with black and white theme. It looks like a guys' room. Before she could asked Mother Teresa talk.

“Its Mr. Mercadejas son’s room, he’s not here so for the main time you can use this. His in New York, next month will be his return”

She just nod her head and thanks for the kindness Mother Teresa showing. She enters and close the door, she hold the doorknob tightly and the other hand is on her head as her headaches attacked. As days pass, her condition become worst.

Arggghhh!!!! Shhhh No, not again. I don’t have enough arrrrghhh shit shit shit! I need to hurry.

She get her pain killers inside her shoulder bag and eat it without any water, the sour flavor of the medicine doesn’t have any effect on her. She take it as if they are just candies. When she feel that her body can take it, she stand up and start putting her things in the right places.

After that, she go to Mother Teresa’s office. She talked about her plans on donating 400 thousand pesos in the orphanage for the cancer patients and her reasons why. I doesn’t want them to be like me, no attention from their parents, doesn’t feel loved by their own parents. I know they we’re left behind by their biological parents but having a lot of Mother and Sister guiding and helping you until you grow up is more than enough. I rather choose water than blood.

When they finished talking, Mother Teresa hug her and held her hand because according to her they’re going to eat their breakfast. It was a breakfast that full of laughs, at that moment her heart felt light. I wish time stop if only this kind of happiness I’ll get every day. Too late to regret Jane.