"it's the last week of October 2021" ...the extreme winters r about to start and I began to thought about "you". I don't remember how long I had been with you. maybe three or four years I don't remember clearly now. but what I remember is I used to live in a mansion which feels a little "bit cold" even in my memory. we used to act as strangers even after living together for more than five months. u would always keep ur distance from me as if I am some disgusting creep. even now I can't forget the feel in ur eyes which always gives a indifferent look towards me.

"christen William"....

people still fears u a lot like they used to back then but then u were far more worse than this. maybe u get urself someone who can tame you.

your face has become a blur memory to me thanks to my "illness" I can't remember much of my time with you. the day you asked a divorce from me on our fourth anniversary is the most vivid feeling till now.

you didn't even change your clothes and directly threw the divorce papers on the table ordering me to sign it. and I was not even shock back then. "neither did I argue back nor did I beg you to sustain this marriage."

I just quietly take the divorce papers read it again and again and at last sign it...

if I remember correctly your foul mood instantly brighten and you even shake my hand in business type manner the first and last physical touch between us ever. and instead of feeling anger I became happy that at the very least you didn't feel disgusted as usual. I went to my room pack my stuff which can be fit in one roller and left the very same day.

born as an orphanage I didn't even know where to go. after donating all my money to the NGO you fund this morning as an anniversary offering I don't have anything

"just wandering alone on the road with a luggage wouldn't be weird"... "right"......

luckily one of my juniors in university was passing by and even recognised me... he lend me some money and finally I was able to rent a sixty meters small condo size room which was decorated with layers and layers of dust..... cleaning it was another battle for me which at that time I barely win .

I always thought that someday I out of all people would be able to warm up your cold heart but as time passed by only distance kept getting increasing not our relationship.. it remained stuck at contractual from the very beginning.

and just like in novels I also hope that after the divorce you would fell my absence and then come back to confess to me so all I do is to wait and wait and wait...... "a long wait it seems "

"I am still waiting but with no hopes to meet you but to see your face for the very last time in this short lifetime".

maybe u still don't know that I am leaving and even if you know I guess there would not much of a difference.

I always thought that I would not be able to see a warm and gentle smile hung upon your lips but you proved me wrong. "u smiled for the first time ever so gently but the only difference is that the person you smiled for was not me". seeing this unknowingly a lone tear escaped from my eyes. maybe I become too ignorant that I can not see the reality clearly .....and now when I want to see it these tears are being stubborn and did not allow me to see you and your partner clearly.... maybe they still do not want me to accept the hurtful truth and want my eyes to keep waiting for you in solitude even when there is no light left...

I always know that the end of the rope which I was holding so dearly never belongs to me in the first place.seems like the dream of living a simple and contentful life with you will only remain a dream which I now cherish in my imagination.

it's been about a year since the last time I see you and also the last few months of peace for my depleting health rate. doctors are still consoling me that they would save me .they think that I don't know about my situation. maybe they think I am not mentally strong to accept it or maybe they are afraid that other patients in the hospital digonised with the same illness as me will feel down and dishearten if they got to know about my condition. but all I know is that now I have maximum of one month to live on.

and what's more funny is that I have no one... not even a single person to take my corpse to my grave. actually thinking of it I never dreamt about dying while living with you and now ....you will not even get the air of my departure.

all these years that I loved you were hard to live but now without you it feels numb inside maybe the after affects of excessive love.

I feel very lonely sitting here all day just looking outside the window ...and breathing which also become very hard now a days.. doctors said that one of the arteries of my heart has blocked due to which I am not getting sufficient oxygen.... how funny ? as if this illness is less of a burden to me God thought to surprise me with a gift so that I can come to him a little early. whatever the problems are I do not even care anymore. everyone has to die one day. "I am just an unlucky soul who has to leave a bit early than others ".

the Gardner here in the hospital has planted a lot of jasmines and there fragrance reminds me of our wedding venue. everyone was happy excluding you and everything was beautiful except........... for my face in your eyes ...

I still think if your grandfather don't force you into this marriage maybe u would not know about my existence. u used to smile a lot during our university's days but on the day of our marriage ur face only shows anger as disgust. I still think maybe u don't like men and that's the reason for ur hate towards me but after the day I saw u with him I realize a bitter truth..... that u just don't like me.

how contradicting our feelings were...

I used to like winters a lot but nowadays I am a little afraid of it. I get cold easily and it decreases the chances of my survival for this year. the doctor want someone to sign on the contract for taking my corpse's responsibility after my death....

it seems I really lived a lonely and meaningless life.. the only person I thought about was you but at last I sign it myself and said to doctor to bury me anywhere they want....

looking at the falling orchid leaf reminds me of the hurtful memory when I used to wait for you in the freezing cold room all alone in the darkness but u never come back.....

now very few days are remaining and even the doctors begin to pity me and why not I am just 27 years old and all my life I have done nothing more than just waiting . first waiting for u and now waiting for death....

"angles are not there and wishes never came true" at least in my case it seems all the angles has resigned from there post or maybe they also know that my wishes to live a long life with you is nothing more than an absurd idea...

now the only thing I hope is you to love that person with all ur heart and if you still remember me don't forget to mention me in front of ur love... 'always see this world with a gaze of love and happiness'....." Because ur eyes have everything that I once thirst for"......

(DENNIS FRANK)

Tears began to fall from my eyes after reading this. my wife sees me and take the diary away from me ..

"it's ur fourth time reading this since u come back from ur regular checkup at the hospital today" - Terry said.

"what is written in it to make you cry like this" - he asked

for a moment I don't know how to reply but after a while a sad smile graze upon my lips and with tears collected at the bream of my eyes I replied.....

..."Its someone's last breath ...

...still with me "...

hello readers 💗

ur author this side 🥰

I hope u enjoy reading this novel.its my first creations so I hope u all to Plzz comment and let me know ur reviews.

I have some more ideas for a new novel..

if you r interested then do tell me in the comment section.....

a lot"s of love to my first commentor ( sorry ur dumb author forget ur user name ☹️🙄😣)

and stay healthy all of u.. get vaccinated

although I myself hasn't vaccinated yet 😉😁

💜💜💜💜💜💜