That Christmas night, when everyone is loaded with happiness and presents in hand. While I laid half dead, blood running from my wrist to the cold floor making every inch of my newly brought white sweater stained..My body was getting cold as if the earth core is tempered to bury me into its sore. And slowly, my eyes are getting blurred.I mumbled the word -" so th-is how-its feels to die~~?"assuring them as my last words!

IN THE HOSPITAL

"Rest assured Mr & Mrs Kim, she is out of danger now. But she have a weak mental health now. I suggest not to get her involved in any activities that could be harmful for her weak brain". The doctor was explaining my mother and father. "dear..why did you do this?" my mother said and burst out crying. I while was still pretending to be sleeping. "it's all your fault" my dad blamed my mother. He slammed the door and then left, mother followed him after telling me -" Mummy is sorry...".I opened my eyes assuring the foot step's disappearance.

Its been like almost 2 weeks since i have been taken to hospital. Mom visited me every single day, buying me a tons of stuff i adored, but are no value to me anymore. Many times i even tell the nurse to not to let my parents in too...

2nd January

At night, the door creaked open i instantly close my eyes thinking that my mom as come again, but a nurse entered instead. She said-" relaxed..." in a soft tune. I slowly open my eyes, and came across her heartwarming smile the smile which i used to see in my grandmother's face before she passed away. She did some examination and note them down in the small file she was holding. She again gave me that smile of her's and was about to leave but then she halt. She turned around and asked " do you know who BTS is?" .She then left.

I knew that nothing interest me anymore but anyhow that question, asked by her somehow i wanted to asked it. "B-BTS?"

That night, i stay awake searching all about of BTS. I searched their first album, songs, awards, family, their motivation, their love, their voices etc that makes my heart DA-DUN !!! The very last thing that i finger search were that THE BTS FANS ARE CALLED "ARMY"... "ARMY?" i whispered the word and shut close my laptop.

But i instantly ended up playing a album of them, i let the music played and closed my eyes-

...🎼✨The day I hate being me...

...The day I want to disappear forever...

...Let's make a door in your heart...

...Open that door and go in...

...this place will wait...

...It's okay to trust me, I'll comfort you...

...Magic Shop...

...drinking a cup of hot tea...

...Looking up at that Milky Way...

...you'll be fine oh...

...This is Magic Shop🎼✨...

... ...

That night for the first time in a while i sleep peacefully... forgetting all my pain! AND I BECOME AN BTS ARMY🇰🇷💜

2 weeks later ...

I get discharged from hospital and was coming back to my hom- no house, it's not a home anymore it's was like an living hell where they fought fading away all of our sweet memories together...the car halt.

I enter the house it was cozy as mom ever kept it. Truthfully, i asked my parents to just let me stay in hostel. But they made promise to me that "they will not fight again" which made me believe them. But at that time i forgot that rage is higher than promises....

I came back to my room and sigh laying down in my bed, i instantly fall asleep...i was tried.

"AHhhhhhh!!!" i heard a scream that make me woken up. It was middle of the night, so i could hear their screams louder. Tears automatically generated in my eyes and fall off. Through the blurred eyes, i saw the blade in the table. I stood up and start walking towards the table. i reach out my hand but out of the blue my eyes locked to my phone lockscreen popping out with a BTS song notification and and which was still plugged to my earphone maybe i had forgotten to plugged it out! Unknowingly the direction of my hands changes to direction of my phone. I put my earphones and play their songs as loud as i could.

At that time, i tried to made myself strong and comfort myself whispering to myself the inspiration of them- "You should learn to love yourself!" ; "love begins from loving yourself first" ; "Your body isn't a paper don't cut it" and many more......

My glance fall on the mirror that was in front of me, i realised how devastated my parents fights have made me. I have scratches in almost everypart of my body which i made maybe in a sense of hope that they might stop fighting seeing me wounded, after all they are parents, they are my parents but all gone wrong. I have not study, and school it's been so many weeks i had skip it. I pull out the cream and put it in all my wounds. I peek out of the window, i could see many buildings through the dim light of the moonlight which is spreading inside my room, looking down i could feel winter chills by looking at the Japanese Magnolia that are blooming passionately , under it i could see two newly born kittens being fed by their mother. It's been so many while that i haven't look out of the window and admire the beauty of nature. That's when I thought to myself that i wanna love myself, and wanna love BTS! I wanna live a happy life just like before, wanna smile in jokes and wanna cry in pain and wanna express myself! And atleast gonna try to make life less hurtful!

I crawl into my bed and laid down, still hearing the songs.... sleep possessed me so well 'cause i was really tired this time.

^^^TO BE CONTINUED....^^^

MORNING 6:30 AM

I woke up at the gentle singing of a bird outside my room. Today i planned to go to school, i followed my regular normal school routine and get ready. I pull out my books which were in my wardrobe drawers, in the past few month, i have kept them hidden.

While i was getting dress, i could feel the dead silence outside my room. Ready for departure i got out of my room. I could feel my father's absence in the house while i saw my mother sleeping surrounded by a dozen of alcohol bottles. i tip-toe out of the house.

I reached my school. But what shocked me was like an updated app my friends and classmates had change. The girl in our class started doing make-up while boys are adapting adulthood. I was shocked the friends i spent my childhood with, are now... different and far away happy from me. I was... embrassed? scared? idk one thing that hold my mind was not today. I quietly sat on the back bench.

Class started. I could feel the few stare on me by my friends, like they want to approach me but they too were hesitating. But no one humiliated me. Finally the break time occured. I felt the great layer of loneliness near me, maybe this was hesitation or were mine. I again started feeling suffocate, in hope to breathe again i leave the classroom. My legs are not in my control anymore, it lead me to the rooftop of my school. I inhale a large some of air and exhale it out slowly. Without delay i pulled out my phone and played a BTS song, and a claim layer fill my air...my heart rate became normal. I collapsed in the floor. I was relaxed.

I thought to myself that - "No this can't be like this i have to change, i have to become someone everyone adores and value again. I have to...."

The break bell rang and i stepped towards my class. Time pass.. School get over and I went back to my hom- i mean house, with a mixed feelings in my heart and several thoughts in my mind.Slowly night was approaching in the dim light of the drowning Sun. I reached my house and saw the darkness.

My eyes were searching for mother, but i realised that no one was there. I went straight to my room close the door and changed my clothes. The fact that i have to changed was still young in my mind. i came out of my room hearing a call from my relatives, they say that mother is in their house and that they also want me to come. I refused in the name of school. A few hours ago i also got a call from my father's office quarter that he is safe in their.

I was left alone in the house. Unknowingly a drop of heavy tear fall in my arms. I was crying, because i knew that i can't changed. No matter what i do i am still the same and that scares me...

^^^TO BE CONTINUED..^^^