...FATE PULLS YOU...

......IN DIFFERENT DIRECTION ......

*indeed, but mine is so complicated that cant be predicted. I am certain to my future but when it is come about love life .I am uncertain , very very uncertain!!

I don't know why do I think about my future whenever I come to toilet !! like seriously ! I have fucking 24 hours to think but I become conscious to my future especially my love life when I sit to poop ! may be my destiny is linked with my other gu-mates[poop-mates] . let's see what are they doing in group chat ?!

"huh probably roasting each other " probably ?! indeed they are roasting each other , why do you lack in confidence miss. inner self . "none of your business " ara! ara! that's the spirit I like in my inner self "whatever" probably my innerself just rolling her eyes as she's annoyed . oh God! I am roasting myself now !! how cruel ! anyway I open my WhatsApp and as usual our the gangster chat group is showing more than 150 messages, atleast this group is still alive unlike my other chat groups that were alive only few days then died in peace . in our the gangster gc we only have four members including me , Suvashini, Kavya and my only bhutani friend Goldeheve . Suvashini who is the only person who makes this gc lively assisting by Goldeheve and me. My NRI friend Kavya Daksh the one who only appears for her own needs as usual no where to be seen in the gc. as usual! ha ha!! and the comedian Miss Suvashini never misses the chance to roast her bff . "twink twink" "Bikram v puri send you a friend request " as I saw that notification , i check the profile , i have a habit to check the profile it only depends on my mood . "hmm BIKRAM V PURI that guy is cute " oh common dude he looks like a kid how could you call him a guy "but you just saw his bday 8th April 2003 his older than you " oh come on! i sometime don't understand my inner self I am rolling my eyes in annoyance on my innerself , ok enough chitchat, now let's check that guy profile , oh he is a friend of Rohit then he must be good not like typical annoying boys "but nobody texts you except your gumates! why do you think so high of yourself " how much do my friends pay you to roast me like this ? you're me and I am you ok?! you should encourage me but you're just mocking me !!! " A bitter truth is hard to swallow Parineeti" she smirks and I want to feed her bitter guard smoothy since she is she is being so affectionate to truth but anyway let's accept the request !! I accept the request and then suddenly group call has started yep ! my favourite!!

as usual we are gossiping about my love life, others love life nothing has changed everything is as usual just like the messages that I send him 2 days ago as usual received, seen but ignored everything is as usual nothing has changed !! I want to talk with my friend but my commerce teacher has come to teach me accounts . he is in his forties , despite of his age he looks so young . he accepts me as his arjuna, he believes that I have something in me but he does not know I am not arjuna from mahabharata I am shakuni from mahabharata . but, in spite of me being shakuni, I accepted him as my dronacharya . so, my dronacharya has started his gossiping about his student whom he likes least . i am on my bed , sitting , solving sums and he is in his chair as usual complaining and slandering his least favourite student. and here I am his favourite student smirking and listening my teacher's slandering . at 11 PM I finally done studying my dronacharya has already gone to his home . I am having my suffer still there is no reply ! is it my bad day ? or I have really bad luck when it is about love . I am Parineeti Gupta, always get success in everything but when it is about love I am hopeless " I think karma is still paying back to you " how much ? I ask to innerself " a little left" ok that's fine . To take a break , I play the one song that fits best right now , I open spotify and start the play button

Sometimes I'm my own worst enemy

Two paths stretching out in front of me

I'm walking the one less heavenly now

Sometimes I forget about honesty

Sometimes I forget about modesty

Days turn into months, I can't figure it out

JP Cooper is an underrated singer and his songs always fit me better than I think

sometime, I do pity on us we act like we're happy but we ain't. I wish if we could be young and dumb again like we were when we were kids no worries, no love and of course no study as we are getting older we lost our self , in order to feed the cruel world's desire we had to change from dumb and innocent to cunning ones cause world only values the cunning ones .

I have seen tons of smiles and all of those are fake because when you smile from bottom of your heart you glow differently . I have one wish I want to smile from the bottom of my heart , I want to become dumb as I used to be , the cunning me is so dramatic...... and I hate dramas.

" why wont you cry " I want but my tears is dried up . " have you remember when you last cried for love ? " yeah when I was in class 8th , so Mr. innerself what shall I do now ?

"There is so much hatred in the world

But still there is love in the hearts

believe in SRK " I knew her answer , but I want to believe her answer even on very next day I know that I will tell her to **** off her bullshits .

I am believing on this ,

love is poisonous, love is cruel , yet everyone , calling it beautiful but nobody warns you when you're newbie in love

they will call you lovesick when you're addicted . love is like rose has it's own thorn .

"meeting with Pradyuman I guess it was my faith . I thought I would find a new way to live my life but as usual too optimistic me lead it to destructive phase of my life.

sometime I feel why am i being like this ?! craves for love when it finally comes to me cant even handle it properly, switching on my dominant mode to show em how cruel I am !!? is it cool to be cruel ?! is it cool to be savage !? is it cool to be ruthless ?! I guess I need to change myself or I will lose him too" - every day before going out of bed I tell myself , I have to be kind for Pradyuman but guess what? myself never listen to me , never listen to anyone ! i wake up , have showered , put headphones on ready to leave the world where I dont

even fit .

Songs are something , you know an invisible person with so many personalities who can makes you cry , or makes you realise you're in love or makes you feel wet underneath your underwears without touching yourself . if song is a person then it would definitely make best boyfriend or girlfriend .

currently I am obsessed with ELLEY DUHÈ , her voice never dissatisfied me

my music taste changes according to the season of my mood it's not easy for a song to be my sweetheart , to be my all time favourite ! but there is one song that always makes me too much optimistic it's the old bolly hit song of 1959 yes The raj Kapoor era ! for me that era was the bestest one , the b&W era , The era of mukesh, manna Dey , Rafi sahab, Kishore da more more the time when a merely humen being transforming themselves into gods , into memoirs that would help people to remember them even they they wont exist .

Wine tastes good when it ages so do the movies of old times . The concept is clear yet cringe .

who am I ?

> You're Parineeti

what was my past ?

> normal as usual

why am I being like this ?

> you're being too toxic

Toxic people attach themselves like cinder blocks tied to your ankles, and then invite you for a swim in their poisoned waters but people are not toxic from birth , situation , people make them like this .

there is a serpent among us , unable to point out the real one but when it surely increases its number

but but hatred, love, affection, trust , sorrow , fear , happiness etc are the parts of the life.

these are my philosophies when I am in my own world but when my world meets with the real world it shatters into pieces.

still one song makes me smile my all time favourite......

Kisi ki muskurahaton pe ho nisaar

(Offer yourself to bring a smile to someone)

Kisi ka dard mil sake toh le udhaar

(Share a shoulder to bear someone's pain)

Kisi ke vaaste ho tere dil mein pyar

(Have love for someone in your heart)

Jeena isi ka naam hai (This is the name of life)

thank you mukesh ji