I’ve always dreamed to be one of those girls really cute and full of energy from mangas or animes. I wish I could be as cool as them, but it never occurred in my life that an event gives me the opportunity to become a star or anything. I’m just a plain and normal girl.

I discovered manga pretty young at the age of 7. I got dragged in the beautiful universe of the mangas. A soon after, I found animes too. Then I found an application where I could read other’s work of manga. I fell in love and I kept login in cause it made my day. Every morning or night I was reading the mangas that were taking me in different universes. It’s like the time didn’t exist and I was alone in my little space.

It made me feel a lot of emotion, it made me cry, happy or even angry at some stupid boys in it. It was part of my routine. Manga. When

I saw those smart girls with a boyfriend that loved her for who she was, I wish I could be that amazing girl. The smart girl with a pretty face and a dream body. I’m fat, ugly and dumb, no one likes me for who I am. I need to put on a mask everyday so people could appreciate me. I don’t know what to do. I try to upgrade my grades getting better but I was always behind. No one was looking at me thinking that I was a good person or that I was cute. No one was looking at me like I was the world to them, like I meant a lot to them. I knew no one if I was in danger would come risk his life to save me. There won’t be any drama that will bring me on the side of a handsome man that will love me with my stubborn attitude. That will run to me when I’m leaving him unhappy. No one will ever do that.

Mangas are an escape to me. Somewhere, where boys are all amazing and smart. It’s the most beautiful world I know. It’s a magic place to my eyes where the boys will like you even tho you hate yourself and you wish to die, they’ll stop cause they love you way too much to lose you. They will follow you until death. It’s just perfect, I’m admiring girls too, they use their brains and that are really stubborn and that affirm their personality and that will stick to their ideas. The girls that are not easy to deal with where the boys are running after her. I wish to be that kind of girl. If only. They are making so cute couple, but sometimes I wish I could take her place. But obviously it’s never gonna happen. I’m a separate girl that no one cares about not even her friends. I’m always the one at the back that needs to leave when there’s not enough place.

What a life...

My life is such a waist. I’m not good in anything well, I’m a good musician but no one ever saw my talent so what’s the point. I’m always dreaming eyes open lost in my thought wishing the girl that I saw the other was me. I wish so much. It’s like I’m craving for drama. Drama brought always good looking boys in the mangas but in real life it brings trouble. I dream to be so much.

I dreamed to be pretty so the guy would look at me and wish to be my boyfriend. I dreamed to be pretty so boy would fight for me. I dreamed to be pretty so finally I wouldn’t be looked down every time I’m talking. I dreamed to be pretty so people won’t judge me.

I dreamed I had a dream body with curves so boys would look to me like I was a goddess. I dreamed I had a dream body so finally the dress would fit me and I would feel comfortable with myself. I dreamed to have curves so I could feel good wearing a bathing suit.

I dreamed to be smart so that I could have goo grades, so my parents would one day be proud of me, so maybe people would admire me for my IQ super high. I dreamed to be intelligent so I could play games where you get popular because you won the first prize.

I dreamed a lot of stuff but it wasn’t true it was all a lie. I’m just dreaming nothing more, but what if the imaginary could become the reality and the reality was crushed. But again it was all a dream.

In my dreams I’m a princess everyone loves and that everyone envy. In my dreams, I’m having a boyfriend that loves me and that cares for me. In my dreams, I don’t realize I’m dreaming and enjoy myself. In my dreams it’s like I was someone else.

I wish I could live a big town where dreams come true and that you find nice and handsome guy. I wish I could travel to Japan where all the companies are famous with nice looking president. Even tho the girls are almost raped they always get away and gives even a lesson to the dumbass that harassed her. Every dreams are special to my heart and I cherish them, cause it’s what my mind wants to become.

Dreaming is an escape to me where the mangas become reality to my eyes and I get to be the first role that everyone loves. Dreams are not real but I wish they could. It’s never been more than a dream.

Some people call me day dreamer and some call me irresponsible person but I call myself a big dreamer, I dream a lot even if it’s the day. I dream even in class even tho my eyes are wide open. Dreaming is not something that is impossible to realize it’s an escape to reality.

Dreaming is my life and I’m gonna keep dreaming until I can go to those prestigious school, I can be rich and I can have a boyfriend that loves me for me and that will care.

It’s been a long time since I wrote in that journal I think it’s cool writing and expressing the dreamer we have. You know how mangas and I pretty close. All the girls that get there boyfriend , handsome, kind and gentle. I wish it could be me sometimes. This dream about this amazing boy, I wish I could meet him and hear him whispering clearly and kindly:

I love you

In my ear. I’ll love him too as if we would never leave each other. I want to cuddle til we are tired and fall asleep to his side. It’s almost that. I was invited to his house and we just lied on his bed without talking, the comfortable silence that I enjoy with my other half.

He had hair that was going down to his neck in the back, in the front always placed to his right and was always smiling. He had no muscles or anything he was just a normal man in the outside but he was truly beautiful to my eyes. His eyes were shinning with love for me. Kindly looking at me with his deep blue eyes. His hair black and shiny brought a smile on my face when he asked me if I didn’t mind. how could I?

We lied on the the bed and he brought me closer to his chest. Hugging me on top of the bed. I put my arm under his left shoulder and the other one in front of me. He looked at me in the eyes before I put my head in his chest. It was so hot. He had a hot body, any time I’d get cold he was hot and I would just glue to him (in my dream memories). My other arm right on my chest hand closed. He had given me a necklace for my birthday. He kissed me on the hair and I enjoyed the present. Then in this comfortable position he started playing in my hair, he knew I liked it. When he stopped he gently licked me in the neck. In my head I didn’t get why people were liking this but after experiencing it with my dream boyfriend I know how this feeling is. He kept going I got scared to have a hickey after but he was so soft and gentle that nothing had appeared. Then he stopped and raised my head from his chest and and stole kindly my first kiss. After stealing my first kiss and keeping kissing me. He took my arm and gently touched it. It was so light and king, it made me shiver at his contact.

This sweet memory was so perfect to my eyes but when his sister bursted in we both looked away raising on the bed. Luckily she didn’t see anything.

She left and we lied down again changing our poses. How he was so careful about me made me feel special. It was almost like he was afraid of breaking me. It felt so good, he kept playing in my hair until his dad called me to go back.

I’ve lost nothing from this dream my only regret was that it was all a dream. However I will always remember his gentle of a man careful. He was my boyfriend for a night and cared more than a real boy would’ve. I will remember this boy that loved me and that was running through my skin gently almost scared of breaking the one that he had loved truly for the first time. Although it wasn’t a real kiss it was my first one even in a dream. It was a passionate and long kiss that I will never forget as for the boy that stole it this evening.