Eating breakfast,

Taking a bath,

Set up my laptop for my online class,

Discussion the whole day,

Making lessons and presentations for tomorrow's class,

Check assessments of the students,

Write stories for a while,

Eat dinner,

Do night hygiene,

Sleep,

Wake up early in the morning,

Eat breakfast,

Taking a bath,

Set up my laptop for my online class,

Discussion the whole day,

Making lessons and presentations for tomorrow's class,

Check assessments of the students,

Write stories for a while,

Eat dinner,

Do night hygiene,

Sleep,

Wake up early in the morning,

Eat breakfast,

Taking a bath,

Set up my laptop for my online class,

Discussion the whole day,

Making lessons and presentations for tomorrow's class,

Check assessments of the students,

Write stories for a while,

Eat dinner,

Do night hygiene,

Sleep,

Wake up early in the morning,

Eat breakfast...

These things happen every day, nothing new, just a cycle of these. I am getting bored of my life, after almost four years of being alone and busy with work, I didn't pay attention to anything but these things.

I have a family, a healthy and happy family. We love each other, and I am thankful for that. I graduated my studies without any romantic relationship maybe because I focused too much on my studies that I neglected the enjoyment that I may have in getting a romantic partner. Although there are few suitors, I decided to shoo them away and continuously reject them.

After graduating, I got a boyfriend but it was lacking. Our relationship is lacking and yeah, I am the one who has the problem. I don't know how to love. I don't know if I am feeling it but I don't want to admit or all I was feeling is really nothing.

I tried so hard to hold the relationship but just after three months of trying, I failed. We broke up after three months and my life just went back to its original cycle.

I tried watching romantic dramas and even looking for couples who are enjoying their lives having a partner, but all I got is just a feeling of curiosity and questions built up in my mind.

What is the feeling of having a boyfriend?

What is the feeling of being in the arms of your partner?

What is the feeling of being kissed by your boyfriend?

What is the feeling of being hugged and protected by him?

How can I find the feeling of being loved and in love?

I did not know if I am just scared of things or I am just a numb organism living a boring life.

I just want to know the feeling, is it really true that when you are in love, you are feeling like you are on cloud nine like what some say? Is it true that when you are kissing the one you love, your stomach will feel like there are butterflies inside? Is it true that when you are in love with someone, no matter what happens, you can do whatever it takes for him/her?

How? How can I feel those things?

"Babe, I am sorry to keep you waiting for so long."

I smiled at her.

"No worries, I just got here also. Have a seat."

"Oh my god, I miss you so much, babe!"

I giggled, many people inside this coffee shop are already giving us weird gazes because of our endearment.

"Calm down babe, I miss you too but please lower your voice a bit, people are already paying us attention."

"Oops, my bad babe. I forgot how you hate attention. Wait here, I will order food for us, my treat."

I just nodded at her and she walked towards the counter. She is my best friend, Ayu Guzman, we are both fresh graduates from college as teaching for our profession. A few months had just passed after graduation and we both have our work.

"Here."

She handed me my favorite flavor of milk tea that I grabbed immediately. I am a milk tea addict though.

"And this is for your cravings, assorted flavor of takoyaki and fries."

"I love you, babe."

She laughed at me.

"I love you more. So, what's new?"

 I took a sip from my milk tea before facing her.

"I got my first boyfriend."

Out of my reflex, I grabbed a tissue and blocked my face. As expected.

"Cough, cough."

She almost spits her milk tea on my face.

"F-for real? Who is the lucky guy?"

I handed her tissue to clean the sides of her mouth.

"Remember the guy who barged into our class when we are in our last year of college?"

She seems to recall her memories.

"Oh, and?"

"He is that guy. Mark Dionisio."

"Woah, I don't know what to say, I mean, I am happy for you, at last, you already have your first boyfriend, but what's with the look on your face? You didn't seem to be happy at all."

"I am happy."

She winced.

"Well, if happiness is just like yours, then no one is sad."

I can sense the sarcasm in her words.

"What happened to the both of you? Share it now. We have the whole day to talk about it."

I ate whole takoyaki and feel the taste of the food.

"Wow, this tastes good."

Well, I really love takoyaki paired with milk tea. I didn't even notice that I got dwelled on eating it for a while. When my gaze land on Ayu, she is smiling sweetly at me.

"Well, I guess the food really tastes good."

She then grabbed one and ate.

"Woah, it really tastes good. No wonder you lost focus."

We laughed and just finished eating the food she ordered.

"Wanna go to my house? Let's hang out before working again. It's Saturday and we have only had two days before going back to work."

"Sure."

"Okay, let me just order some take-out."

She went again to the counter and ordered take-out of takoyaki and other foods.

Bzzt, bzzt, bzzt

I took my phone and answered the call.

"Love, where are you?"

"I am at the xxx cafe."

"Who's with you?"

"My babe."

"Y-your babe? But I am  not with you."

"She's my best friend, Ayu. I already talked about her with you."

"Oh, I see. What time are you going home? I'll fetch you."

"I am not going home tonight. Gonna sleep with her tonight."

"I see, then I'll fetch you tomorrow?"

"Okay."

"I love you, love."

"Love you too."

"Bye, take care, okay? Don't forget to call me later. I miss you."

"Okay, I'll call you later. Bye, take care too."

I ended the call and just stared at the screen of it.

"Who is that? Your boyfriend?"

"Ah, yeah, he just called to ask where I am."

"You.. didn't tell him you're gonna meet me?"

"I forgot."

"Oh my god, babe. We really need to talk."

I nodded at her. We just grabbed something at the market before going to her house.

"Welcome to my simple abode, her highness."

"Stop that babe. I feel uncomfortable."

She chuckled

"Just put your things anywhere and help me cook our dinner."

"Okay."

So following what she said. I just dropped my things anywhere and went into her kitchen, I saw her wearing a pink apron and preparing the ingredients.

"What are we going to cook, chef Ayu?"

"Cut the crap babe. You will also have to wear an apron."

"Fine, fine."

I grabbed a black apron and wear it.

"Black shade really suits you, babe."

"I know. That's why it is my favorite shade."

"Here."

I looked at the carrots and potatoes she's giving me.

"What am I going to do with these?"

"Please cut it, her royal highness."

I glared at her and grabbed the vegetables and knife.

"You have to slowly learn how to do things like household chores, especially cooking. You are the woman, so you are in charge of doing it."

"I am not going to marry yet."

"I know, but as an adult, you have to know it. How are you going to live when no one is in your house, cooking for you?"

"I have so many instant foods in the house. They are more convenient."

"That's the reason why you have that disease. They are not healthy for you."

"Fine, fine. I am doing fine here?"

She pauses what she's doing and looked at what I am doing.

"Oh my god, Sabrina Del Valle. I can say that you really has no talent when it comes to cooking."

I looked at the potatoes and carrots. They are minced like mashed potatoes.

"But you just told me that I need to cut it."

"Yeah, yeah. I am really sorry, your royal highness, It is my fault. This servant is lacking and needs to be punished."

"F*ck off babe."

She laughed at me.

"You can just do the desserts."

I smiled at her and just make some desserts, I have no interest and talent when cooking dishes but I do have an interest in making desserts.

"So, you can start telling me now."

I sighed.

"We actually knew each other since we are in third-year college. He showed me interest and yeah, I didn't allow him to court me, remember what I told you before? Boy's are all distractions. So I will allow someone to court me when I am already done with my studies. I did it. I answered him exactly the first day of this month."

She cough.

"What the hell, babe. Seriously? All saint's day? Halloween? You really have a weird taste."

I just glared at her and continue making desserts.

"My parents knew him and they are good to him. I mean, I am always doubting who the child of my family is, me or him."

"What's with the thought?"

"They really like him. They all favored him and I feel pressured leading me to answer him and be his girlfriend."

"So you just got carried away?"

I nodded.

"Woah, that's so cold of you. No wonder, nothing changed from you even having a partner."

I looked at her and she is just also looking straight into my eyes.

"What are you going to do now? You act carelessly this time, babe."

"I don't know, maybe I have to try to make our relationship work?"

"That should not be the question babe. You really need to make it work. Make your first relationship memorable."

"I will try, babe."

"How about him? Does he really love you?"

"I don't know. I can see that he really loves me but I just can't feel anything from my heart."

"Well, it's just your early days, there are so many things that can make your heartbeat for love. Gosh, you really sure are one hell of a cold person."

I didn't answer her and just finished making the desserts.

"It's done."

"Aww, seeing you smile genuinely like that really eases my heart."

I didn't know that I am smiling.

"It really is rare to see you smile or even bat an eye to other things."

"Am I really that numb?"

She slowly nodded.

"That is why I am really shocked to know that you got your first boyfriend, it turned out that you just carelessly made your decision."

"I am also curious, to be honest. I can see other people with their partners and doing what they call romantic things that couples do, such as dating, holding hands, hugging, and kissing."

"We are doing those things, babe. Well, less the kissing part."

"I know, I love you too, but how does it feel to have someone you love?"

She smiled at me and pat my head.

"Her royal highness, once your heart opened for someone, it feels like you can do whatever it is just to protect that someone, you will understand him at all cost, you will be dependent on him and you will feel like you are floating in the sky because of love."

I just looked at her, my eyes full of questions while she is looking lovely.

"I didn't get that feeling."

She then looked at me and rolled her eyes.

"That is because you are not yet in love with him but you let her be your boyfriend, silly."

"I can't just get back what I said, right?"

"Of course, it will look like you are just playing with his feelings for you."

"What am I gonna do?"

"Just like what you have said, you have to try hard to make your relationship work."

She smiled at me and pat my head gently.

"Don't worry, I got your back."

"Thank you, babe."

"You are always welcome your highness."

"What the heck?!"

Ahe just laughed.

"You can have another milk tea, I ordered a lot for tonight so you can enjoy staying here with me."

"I am enjoying being with you, babe. But with things like these, I will enjoy it more."

"Silly, you're gonna spend a lot of my money, huh? Anyways, I am gonna take a bath before you, then we can eat dinner."

"Okay."

I grabbed one milk tea and went to her mini rooftop. This place is my favorite. I can see the night sky clearly here. It feels like heaven, drinking milk tea while looking at the clear night sky, where the moon and stars are waving at my eyes.

bzzt, bzzt, bzzt

"Hello?"

"Good evening, ma'am. Regarding the things, you told me to manage. I already have the data. Should I discuss it now or do you want it to be discussed with you tomorrow?"

"You can discuss that with me on Monday. Have a rest this weekend. Thank you so much, miss Song."

"Thank you so much, ma'am. Have a good rest too. Goodbye."

I ended the call and just stared at the screen of it. There are messages from Mark.

"Love, how are you doing?"

"Are you eating properly in there?"

"Love? Why aren't you answering your phone?"

"Does something happen? Do you want me to go there?"

"Love, answer your phone, I am worried sick here."

How should I respond to his messages? Should I tell him that I forgot to check my phone, and I only remember to check it because someone called me?

"Eh? He really is in love with you, babe."

"You scared me."

"F*ck off, babe. Your face can't lie. TSS, how can I teach you to have expressions?"

"I do have expressions, babe. I am a teacher, remember?"

"Yes, you are a teacher and you have an expression that is only limited to your students."

"I can also show my expressions to you and to my family."

"Yeah, yeah, I don't want to argue with you. I already prepared the tub, you can take a shower now, her highness."

"I will take a bath then."

I put down my phone on the table and took a bath. When I finished, I only wear my pajama and went to her mini rooftop.

"We're going to eat here?"

"Yeah, don't you want to?"

"I love it."

"You may sit now, babe."

"Thank you."

"So, have you already replied to his messages?"

"Nope, not yet."

"What? Why?"

"I do not know what to say."

"Call him now."

"What? But we are eating."

"Yes, and we can still talk to someone even if we are eating."

I rolled my eyes at her and dialed my phone.

"At last, love. Why are you only calling me now? You didn't reply to my messages too."

"Sorry, I forgot to check my phone and got busy making desserts."

I saw Ayu puts her palm on her face.

"You are so blunt as ever, nothing has changed yet."

"I can hear you, you know?"

"And I intended to make you hear what I said."

She rolled her eyes on me and faced the camera.

"Hello, mister Mark Dionisio. I am Ayu Guzman, Sabrina's best friend. I am very sorry for not telling you that she will be sleeping here in my house tonight."

"Ah, no problem. Nice to meet you miss Ayu. I am Mark, her boyfriend. It is a relief that there is someone who is taking good care of her in my stead. I will leave her to you then."

"No worries, we are already eating dinner now. If you want to talk to her now, I will leave the both of you. I also need to talk to my boyfriend. See you some other time. Bye."