Foreword

Dear reader, 

The following context is a part of my imagination and didn't happened to myself in reality. There might be people who experienced this in real life but I am not one of them. 

Just wanted to clear that so there won't be any misunderstandings referring to some abusive and other actions in the story. 

Yours MAUS

CHAPTER 1

I just casually start and introduce myself. I am currently 17 years old and am going to finish school by the end of the next year. 

You ask what my name is? I 'm called as Park Jimin. You may think now why I wrote that I am being called as, I don't have any good experiences with this name but you will understand more while reading this story as it isn't easy to understand what I want to say without knowing my story.

Before you read more let me warn you. It's not going to be a lovey-dovey story and there can be psyche destructive actions. 

Just to mention it, I am a boy. Maybe some of you were unsure about this. 

I'm not going to spoil more or give you more hints. Let's start at the beginning when I was 5 years old, the time everything exploded and I met hell. 

So it all started on my fifth birthday. I had a family, mom, dad and a younger sister. If I remember correctly I asked my parents to go to an amusement park that they gave in and we drove to one. I was all excited and my family got infected with my joy.

We rode many different roller coasters. Naturally the ones that were free for our age group. I wanted to ride some larger rollercoasters but sadly I wasn't allowed to do so. We were there all day and ate many sweets like cotton candy and lollies. 

We ended the day with a ride on the Ferris wheel. We could look all over the park and the lights were like little colorful stars. 

So you may think what happened that made this day so unforgettable for me but not in a positive way. I blame myself even twelve years later for my wish to go to the amusement park. I know it wasn't my fault but still. 

So let's continue this story. 

It was dark when we went back home. We drove on the highway and I was drifting into sleep. Shortly before I could fall asleep I heard a squeak and then I felt a jolt. Our car turned over quite a few times. I didn't really realise what happened. The only thing I clearly remember is that among all the voices screaming I couldn't hear my sister's voice. I was paralyzed. Then I closed my eyes and it went dark. The next time I opened my eyes was because I heard sirens and blue light flashed in front of my eyes. I sat up and saw my mom and dad holding a lifeless body in their hands. It felt like my body was moving on it's own and I was just a silent viewer. My body ran towards my parents and on the way I became aware of the identity of the person my mother was holding onto. It was my younger sister. She looked peaceful and untroubled. I looked at my parents who looked back with tears pouring out of their eyes. I saw the relief into their eyes when they saw me but shortly afterwards the sadness came back and replaced the little happiness. There were blood stains all over my parents body. Now that I looked closer at my sister's body, isn't she also covered in blood? Wait, why is she covered in blood?

It wasn't easy for me but in the end I put up the courage to ask my parents:" Mommy? Daddy? Is sister okay? Why isn't she waking up? " My mommy silently raised her head and looked at me with so much sorrow and sadness in her eyes that I was shocked. Then I looked at my dad who looked at me with the same emotions as my mom did. I didn't need any words to understand. When the truth finally hit me I just collapsed hearing the screams of my parents. My last thought before everything went black was:" Sis is gonna be alright!! She has to! "

My last thought before everything went black was:" Sis is gonna be alright!! She has to! "

You might have guessed it. She wasn't all right. And I was devastated. But I had no time to recover from the shock. My dad was working nonstop and drank. It got more from time to time. He blames everything on himself. We couldn't convince him. But my mother also suffered. And in the end I was kinda left alone. 

My parents were so down by my sister's death that they totally forgot about my existence.

A month after her death we held the funeral to which my dad showed up at least a little bit sober so that he could walk straight. My mother looked kind of similar to my sister as she didn't eat much the last few weeks and worked a lot. To sum it up she looked like a living corpse and my dad had something of a zombie. 

I myself wasn't okay either as I cried a lot that time. I had super big eyebags and got slimmer due to the stress and sorrow. 

It wasn't an easy time for all of us. My grandaunt wasn't fond of my situation, especially my health, and decided to take care of me as my parents were unavailable at that time. I was strictly against it but there wasn't another way. After my parents even told me to stay with my grandaunt I lost hope of us going back to a happy family. And I should be right. 

~

Some time went by and I have lived with my aunt for 3 month. I didn't get any information about my parents by this time like they wanted me to start all over and live a happy life with my aunt. I gradually did, it was acceptable. Not super happy but good. 

For four months my sister had been dead by that time. 

So back to my parents. I thought that they got better and I could meet them. But I was wrong because at the end of the next month we got a message.

My mother jumped.

And I fell again.

What my dad was doing wasn't something I had information about. I lost my family with whom I spent 5 years of my life within 5 months. My life wasn't good at all. I fell into an unknown depression. I cried all night and day. I refused to eat. I sometimes sat around lifeless. I lost the meaning in life. 

As if it wasn't enough for me. As if I deserved more pain. I wasn't particularly living more like floating through the days and taking everything as given and unable to be changed. I regretted my life choices, especially the one more than five months ago. 

I don't know about the whereabouts of my dad till today. But I don't care about this anymore. It's part of my dark story which I try to forget. If I try to forget it, why am I telling you this story? Simple. Someone said to me you can only forget about something if you accept it and with telling you my story I reflect and try accepting what happened. It wasn't easy to overcome this. It took me years to fully accept the fact that I will never meet my mother and sister again. And my dad who just ran away. 

I will end my childhood story here and tell you about all the changes when I turned 10.

I visited the fourth grade back then. My class was nice but stayed away from me as I was weird in their eyes. I didn't think of it as a disadvantage. I was happy as long as they wouldn't bully me mentally or physically.

~ 

Two years later was the time I had to change schools. I wasn't afraid. I just wanted to get through my school life as fast as possible and unharmed. 

The first year at middle school was wonderful. I was actually good in school and had my peace. 

In the second year we had a class trip. I wasn't fond of this idea from the beginning. I knew a little about class trips and that was enough in my opinion to not go to this kind of event. 

However my grandaunt liked the idea and I had to go on the class trip. 

Contrary to my expectations, I was enjoying the time.

Some weeks later I had a bad feeling. Like something big was about to happen. It was to silent. Normally there would be some rumors about me but there weren't any by the time. 

I got bullied. Three boys from my old class decided that it would be nice to kick and insult me without manners. I wasn't aware of the reason and never asked. I just took what came without complaining. 

I could have told someone about my condition but what would have changed? Nothing at first I will get the anger of the bullies because I reported them and then I would have to change schools. There would be the problem that I am the new one. I would have been like an attraction and I didn't want this. 

~ 

Just like this three years passed and I had to write my exams. I worked extra hard. And it was worth it. I graduated middle school with a good school report. 

I got accepted at my college of choice and last year I started my first year there. 

And here I am now. Sitting at my desk and writing this story to tell you guys about my sad life and how I try to accept my past.

If you have questions you can ask me. I am always open to answer your questions.

My life story isn't easy. Some explanations or more exact description of situations could help.

See you next episode.

Song recommendation: Moon by Jin of BTS (I heard this song while writing this chapter) 

I didn't mention what I am studying. I decided learning more about natural sciences and chose courses in chemistry, physics, mathematics and biology as well as English and Latin. 

I always dreamed of searching for cures of different diseases and I want to help people. 

Maybe I will start my own business later.

If I was rich later I would open an orphanage which includes a primary school so the children don't have to stay uneducated if they aren't adopted. 

I have big plans and I know I can't fulfil all of them but I try to help people so if I can help them in one way it's enough for me. 

Let me tell you how I live nowadays.

I am not rich and can't afford my own apartment but my school has a dormitory and I live in a small apartment with two others. We have two rooms. I don't have to share a room with one of the others as they have known each other for a long time and didn't have a problem sharing a room. We also have a little open kitchen and adjoining a living room which includes a TV, a couch, our lunch table and some flowers. Some smaller deco articles are also laying around but they aren't noteworthy. 

Oh, and I forgot to mention that we have a wall poster. It is a photo of a small waterfall inside a mysterious forest. It gives the whole room a special aura and it is refreshing to look at it every time when you enter our living room. You discover a new detail every time. Also our living room looks deeper. It's like having a portal into another world right on your wall and you can step into the other world whenever you want to. 

I sometimes thought about how it would be on the other side. If you could see our living room or if it's just a door or a blue circle that you use as a portal. There could be no way back too. In which century do they live on the other side? Seen from us in the future or past? Do they have other species there like vampires, werewolves or succubus? I have always been fascinated by the stories about those species so it would be amazing to meet them in real life. I also imagined different scenarios of meeting them. 

For vampires it would be: I am running through the deep night sensing something dangerous coming nearer. I don't want to look back. I read many books that you shouldn't look back while being hunted. So I run and run but suddenly see two red dots in front of me and I forcefully crash into another person. The other person didn't move an inch but I got some bruises. I look up to the other one. The last thing I could see were long white teeth visible through a creepy smile on that guy's face before I black out. 

So that was actually everything I thought of. I should wake up later on and maybe live in a wealthy family as the vampire likes me. But because of my blood. Nothing emotional or sexual. 

For werewolves the story would be similar but I would run away from a pack because they found out that I magically am an omega and now they want me as treasure but like forcing me to stay there. I don't like it and escape. They aren't happy about this and follow me. Before they could get to me I stepped inside another territory and fainted there some kilometers away from the border. Some guys then find me and bring me to their boss which treats me better. Then I live a good life with my mate I found later on.

All of them are born of total cliches but I think that if you meet them they would appear like this. 

For succubus I read that they are doing something more sexual but I don't want to meet one that way. Rather meeting them through normal circumstances. 

All of this sounds incredible but I know it will never come true. 

Urgh! ! My roommates just came back. Seems like they went partying all night again. Okay, maybe not all night but it is 4 am right now.

Maybe for your better understanding I will tell you why I don't really like them. They have been besties and they are loud which I find annoying. They do everything together except showering or similar things. I just want to keep my silence and they blast loud music through the whole house and can't understand a no. 

It's annoying ! ! 

They don't take me seriously although I am older. 

I know my reasons may seem ridiculous but I don't like my roommates. 

Now they are knocking on my door. What is their problem? 

~~

I opened the door. 

~~

"Yes? ", I ask slightly annoyed. " Hey shorty." , the other responds I'm about to explode. How dare he making fun of my height? I know that I am not that big but he doesn't have to look down upon me. He isn't even taller than me. "Don't call me shorty. You aren't even that much taller than me. And who the hell are you?", I respond angrily after a moment of silence. Then he just begins to laugh. He is making fun of me right now. "You're cute and fierce. I like that! ", he says with a smirk on his face. I look at him with a blank face and close the door. Okay. I didn't close it slowly. I slammed it right into his smirking face. Right now I can hear him cursing me. It's fine with me as long as I don't have to see him again. 

I think those two rascals brought him with them. They can hear something tomorrow. 

Jimin calm down. You want to get some sleep  so calm down now. 

I doesn't help but I can think of something else than these rascals. I don't think that I can fall asleep in the near future so I will read a book now and then try sleeping. Have a good night y'all.