The reason why I need to write this down mostly for personal records. Probably you'll think that writing is an easy task. Just write or type the damn words and that's that. For me, to consentrate is a challenge. Even when imagining something, it's never easy you know.

I guess I have that on me.

the ADHD thing.......

I just realize this for quite some times. My body forces me to concentrate on one thing and it disintegrated immediately when hallucination strucks. Geez, it will satisfy me to just bang my head like most people during heavy metal concerts. Only to realize it afterwards when your head starts to bleed and you lost consciousness.

However

I discover that there's no solid cure and medication for this problem. Your head is like a ticking time bomb that can explode at anytime. Even while I'm typing, i still consider the grammatical arrangement which interrupted my writing flow.

Well then who cares. From this moment on, screw the grammarly and plagiarism. We're living inside judgy community where the sheep stands at top of a food chain. I used to have a dream where I exposed hidden crime done by mafia and return as a hero. I always think that the higher your position, the more you become a hero. Not surprisingly, I was wrong the whole time.

Those moral value taught by adults. It merely a cover to hide a bad stench of someone's dead body.

Well anyway

I need to write down as much as possible because it is an opening segment but just as I explained, my fingers reduce their typing speed and well....... I kind of stuck right now

Pfftt........

There's lots of ideas that I want to share and I already make some of the story but it's just doesn't feels right and I quit in the middle. If you think I'm a coward or easy to give up, I'll let you all be the judge of it. After all.....this world that we live right now.....it'll turned into a massive courtyard where our Creator decides whether we fit in heaven or hell. For those of you who doesn't believe in God, you can make your own story on how the world will ends. I kind a curious though

I don't want to discuss about COVID in here because it's depressing. Especially during the first wave. Viewers were force fed with Covid news and it become a source of other diseases. You hardly recognize others with their masks attached and you ended up in depression. People turn mad then turn to mental hospital. People lose their job and turn homeless. Those who excessively use their money learn to be stingy. I even lose someone important to me which worsen this ADHD problem. Probably I'll tell you some other time if I have the mood to tell it though.

One last thing before I decided to end this opening segment......

I just wanted to let you all know that I decided to turn my ADHD into story with emotions in it. It can be sad, joy, shy, angry, disappointed, and many more. Basically it's similar to diary and hopefully I have the will to write everyday ( not a promise though). I'll try not think this as some sort of disease that eventually led me to despair and distract what I can do. It is true that I don't have any particular goal regarding my future. Instead, I just want to try my best along the way and hopefully I'm able to fulfill my goals just like other people did. I guess that's all I can say for now and I'll let you decide the best closing phrase for a story. Just give your thoughts in the comment section

What's cracking fellas?

Like I told you in the beginning, it's been really hard for me to write this kind of shit everyday. Although this is a free writing story, it is not a piece of cake.

So basically, things been going quite well for me. I met with my college friend (S) and chat for quite some time. It has been pretty hard time for him and his family. Although it's hard to saw his sad faces everytime we met. There's always this deep conversation like........OK

Don't get me wrong, but I'm straight

Enough of this straight talking because the rainbow nation deserve to live like any other humans. Anyway, trying to concentrate on writing this crap takes a heavy toll on my ADHD problem. I can't sit straight in one place and just write whatever I want. In the end, you'll give up in the middle and call it a day. This is one of the bad thing of being an ADHD. Once you started something, you felt fire burning in your chest. Then the firefighter came and extinguish not long after the fire. It's difficult to stay committed to one thing and it's a bad idea if you're thinking about marriage. You'll end up in boredom after using your partner and started to look for another.

My advice?

Use safety measurements to prevent your partner from getting shotgun and dragging your life with full fledged responsibility of raising your junior.

Alright, where was I.............

Once again, I met this friend of mine (S) and the other one (J). This time, we're doing threesome. While waiting for J, we were watching television and roasting it together. It's kind of funny to see nowadays media using YouTube as their main source without giving credit to the channels owner. Nevertheless, nowadays media are merely memes for the Gen Z. I wonder if this phenomenon happened in other countries. Personally, I rather enjoyed international tv channel because of its originality and entertaining aspect (maybe).

Anyway.........

We also enjoyed some brownies together. My friend (S) were going crazy about the greentea (Matcha) flavour. Apparently, the greentea flavoured brownie are using white chocolate to maintain its green color. Thank God, he didn't ate all of them. Then J came along and we headed to Wingstop ( where flavour gets its wings). Come to think of it, the commercial displayed in the Wingstop is always the same. The commentators, two man fist bumping each other only to eat flavoured wings. Oh well, probably it's just a loop to distract customers while waiting.

Btw, feel free to comment your favourite Wingstop flavors in the column. My favorite including Louisiana Rub, Hickory smoke bbq, Asian spice and lemon pepper. In the end, I enjoyed all flavours, especially if it's a free food.

Don't get me wrong but if you given a chance to have something without any blood, sweat, or tears (not BTS song), just took it already. You're not stealing nor asking it persistently. Don't be an asshole and reject it like a fake pharisee from the bible. Consider this as a gift and enjoy it. Eventually, use that gift to help others in need.

.............................????

Did I just said these words? Fear not, you'll hear it a lot from me in the upcoming chapters. ADHD people able to speak both in Saint or Satanic language, depends on mood condition. If you have personal therapist, ask this whether this true or false. I'm not a psychiatrist so don't judge me.

............................

It's getting dark and raining heavily. Both me and J went home with my car. Inside, we had yet another deep conversation. This time about our future career. The three of us are unemployed and not so fresh graduates. I told J to apply in media corporate but he refused. Currently, he helped his sister with her beverages business. I'm also waiting for upcoming hotel training in January. Just wish us luck for our upcoming endeavors.

After dropping J, I went straight back home. It feels lonely yet peaceful. As J-Pop lovers, I listened to ballad romance music and started hallucinating. My eyes are locked on the road but without a head. Listening to Utada Hikaru, Chris Hart, Mayumi Itsuwa and Shota Shimizu's ballad makes me feel loved and warmth. Hoping that one day, I able to experienced the feeling of being loved by a real woman.

I should probably make this my New Years wishes instead of losing fat. Please help me Lord

Exhausted, I went straight to bed without taking a shower. Don't worry, I washed my hands and taking off my clothes anyway thanks to Covid-19 ( Why 19?). Btw, I'm one of many surviving graduates of Covid University and now fully vaccinated. I'll tell you about my rendezvous with Covid in the upcoming chapters.

Exactly 2 days before the threesome meeting, all of us are having a gangbang through discord. Seven of us to be precise, talking about each current situation and they seemed doing pretty well and turned into decent adult. My friend D is one of them. He converted from television to IT for better career. All of us were very skeptic until the moment he turned that doubt into reality. With a push of pray and labour, nothing is impossible.

Sorry, I overslept and totally forgot to continue. The point is, all of my friends have found their suitable working environment and still ongoing. I'm still waiting for my time though but still, felt like they left me behind.

What about you guys? Have you ever feel depressed because of someone's achievement? In the end, I felt stronger because one of my college junior's instastory that stated

"Our surroundings always has expectation from us, but it's up to us whether to fulfill those expectations or not". Because like Bon Jovi says " It's my life". I guess that's all from me for this chapter. Have a great life and stays happy. Also, don't forget to wear mask 😷. Covid is watching.........

Yow

How's it going

I'm doing great by myself actually. I've been better but it's more than enough for now

Well anyway, the COVID-19 virus is getting out of hand. I mean seriously, the lineage of this virus keeps going out of control. It's like every month, there's always this new variant and each country developed yet another of this virus. I'm aware about the human evolution taught by Darwin where humans evolve from monkeys.

No wonder I like banana

However......

it took thousands of years to evolve into Homo Sapiens. Within the range of almost 2 years, lots of countries breed more of this virus and it gets worst. I thought Delta is horrible enought but then came Omicron. Yup, another variant of this damn virus originated in South Africa.

I know for sure that God won't drowned this earth again after 40 days and 40 nights of unstoppable rain back in the days. But that doesn't mean He is out of method to wipe out humanity.

I think I should stop here. I don't want to create yet another catastrophic event by enraging God even more. Just follow the health protocol and keep wearing mask. Trust me, you don't want to have a meeting with Covid. I've experienced it once and decided to block him immediately. Probably if I have the mood and willingness, I'll be more than happy to share it with you this near death experience.

On Sunday, the believers went to church or having a Sunday service online while the non believers having a short escape from reality. It's kinda unique to see how things have changed for every religion since the beginning of the "new normal". I don't have to worry about buttons flying of my shirt or loosen zip which unlocked my gentlemens area. I also don't need to worry about people snoring, eating, or babies crying beside me. I know it's very rude to wear shorts and T's on Sunday sermon but I can't help it. Although God is always watching, you won't get much attention as in church where people will see you from top to bottom. Seriously, those glaring eyes are annoying especially when you're late.

And speaking about the preacher........

Last Sunday sermon, she's basically talking about how humans should live their life with honesty. I happened to experienced lots of rich people who brag about their wealth but unable to help others in needs. Dude, if you can't afford to give offerings every week, don't talk shit to me.

After the Sunday sermon, I went to another church for Christmas band practice (not happening though). Along the way, it became a habit for me to speak on my own fluently. Some people call it day dreaming, but I started to preach like Bill Gaither (the priest) in front of millions of congregation. My "daydream" vanished instantly when arrived at the toll gate. I mean seriously, when I try to write it in here, the memory just slowly faded because I felt conscious and unconscious at the same time. I'm no psychiatrist but that shit felt real.

Should I try becoming a priest? Probably not right now.

Soon after my arrival, The church council summon me to help them buy Christmas decorations. Very well, anything to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus. The only thing that bothers me is what happened with last year's decoration. This phenomenon happens not only in church, but also in every household. The decoration magically dissapeared after being used.

Poor decoration are being treated like a hoe....

For the decoration, we went to "nearest" store to keep the wallets happy and parked inside an old shopping district right next to it. The store is actually located inside a crowded market.

Really

In the middle of Covid?

You gotta be kidding me right?

Umm.........I'm afraid not.

I mean, no matter how infectious Covid is, people need to make a living while trying to save money and local market is the solution. Besides, there are lots of people still think that Covid is just a myth (unfortunately not). So as long as you fully vaccinated, wear mask and wash your hands, that's more than enough. You know what, I don't want to discuss the COVID thing again but it's inevitable.

Anyway.....

They started bargaining right away and to kill some time, I walked around the market. I always have this feeling that I've been watch by many people.

Bruh, you're walking in the middle of an ocean full of people

Well, that's not the problem. The problem is within the fat. Honestly, if you have body like mine and live in Asian countries, you will stick up like a sore thumb. It's a different kind of racism with "Black lives matter" in America. It should be "Fat lives matter" in here. The fat one lives with limited options of nearly everything except food ( which makes it worst). Even the beggar here also targeting fat people, hoping for a share of fat. Well, if I can transfer this fat like money, I'll do it without hesitation.

When the bargaining frenzy is over, time to hit back on the road. Unfortunately, I parked in a valet parking zone which costed more money. Fortunately, the security didn't monitor the area so I make a run for it and escape from any additional charges.

Remember, don't try this at home because you have to try this inside a parking zone. One more thing, treat your Christmas decoration as part of a family and not your hoe ( because b**ch is rude). Don't waste it if you're going to use it next year.

Alright then, I guess that's that for now. Hope I can catch the mood and motivation to keep writing because one of the difficulties of being an ADHD is the consistency. However, I believe that everything I encountered comes with it's own unique story which become the only inspiration of this writing.

After I scroll this chapter from beginning, there hasn't been lots of explanation about the ADHD part. Maybe it's because I haven't done much research about this matter. I try not to think of this as a major obstacle and decided to turn it into a story that I can share for others.

Basically, this whole story is nothing more than just a collection of random events that I've experience as an ADHD.