When i was little i was always this kid who was always loud and playful.

I wanted to be noticed by everyone, i want people to like me even if I'm this annoying brat who plays too much as if the world is ending, and I'm the lamest kid you'll ever meet but I was also this positive kid who doesn't know the word negative, until everything went wrong in my life.

I once thought that my family was one of the the families who were unbreakable, i thought my family had no problem and even if we had problems i thought we would be still together no matter what bad thing is surrounding us but... i was just being delusional.

Growing up i thought maybe things will get better as time passed by but as i grew up, i began to miss those good old days, those days when i felt free, those days when i felt alive, those days when i ran around like this wild child who had a wildlife, those days when i knew what a genuine smile was, those days when when i knew what happiness was.

I want to go back... i want to feel those emotions i now forgot, those days when everything was all good. my family, my self, and my happiness.

I wonder where all those emotions went, i wonder if i could find them.

I hope i could find it somewhere, but i don't think i can find it.

When i was 9 years old, my mom introduced me to swimming. I thought it was cool and thought that maybe i would look cool if i learn to swim. It's funny right, funny how i wanted to look cool. Yes i was also this type of person who wanted to look cool because i know I'm lame as hell.

When i started taking swimming lessons, i never thought it was so hard to learn all the 4 strokes.

I took swimming lessons with my sisters. My eldest sister and third sister were fast learners, i thought they were cool to learn something so fast. I wanted to be like them but since i was this lame person, i gave up because i won this marathon event in my school and won a price which was a hundred pesos, i thought maybe if i would become a runner, i would be wealthy if i always win.

I told my mom that i don't want to take swimming lessons anymore and i wanted to be a runner instead, but of course she did not agree with me because she already spend a lot of money for me to learn swimming and I'm just gonna give up like that. I understand why she didn't want me to quit swimming but i just want to become a runner, so i didn't stop asking her until she said yes but only in one condition, i can be a runner but i must also take swimming lessons. That agreement was fine with me because, i don't have any options.

My mom was a special Education teacher of a public school and she was also a coach in track and field for students who were disabled. So there was this district meet held in their school and they had track and field, and my mom got me into the competition and i was so nervous because it was my very first competition competing with people who are not from my school. i did my best but i lost, i came second to the last. I was so embarrassed because there was a lot of people watching and i remembered someone saying, i shouldn't have entered the competition if I'm this slow at running, i wanted to cry but i didn't want to look lame in front of those people . Everything was so embarrassing and i still remember the embarrassment i felt that day.

My mom told me everything is fine and i should just stop and focus on learning swimming. well of course i gave up right away because i didn't want to experience that again.

I started taking swimming lessons seriously but i wasn't really into it until i met my team