I'm in the kitchen. There's a bowl of chips , slices of strawberry and pineapple pastries, jelly beans, some fried potatoes ,a big vibrant pizza and a lovely chocolate cake with beautiful white roses made out of icing on top. Mom has laid them down neatly on the dining table with a flower pot of fresh lilies in the middle. My stomach growls at the sight, and my mouth waters as I inhale the irresistible scent, but I'm not allowed to eat any of it. My mother has made it pretty clear that I'm not to touch any of the food, until she serves to everyone herself. There's a big joyous tumult outside. It's my farewell party today, but I've no desire to be a part of it. I sit down to a little spot by the fridge to be almost hidden from everybody. I'm tired of throwing of meaningless smiles and thanking everyone for their enormous heartfelt congratulations. They think they are celebrating my unexpected success, but who would've thought it this was an abrupt, impetuous decision to runaway from the biggest predicament of my life.

The spot beside the fridge is almost closed by the wall making the place cold and shady. It makes me feel protected and comfortable. I'm a bit overwhelmed by everything. I rest my head on the wall and close my eyes trying not to think anything. The noises from the living room do not seem to be disturbing, they rather protect my mind from wandering off and recalling painful memories.

My Aunt Amira, she is the loudest, narrating some old anecdotes of my mother and her childhood. How they used to skip schools to go to concerts and the drawer in my mother's childhood room where she used to keep the letters given to her by her admirers. Looks like my mother was quite popular in her teenage years. I've heard similar stories about my father too. Why am I like this? My heart snaps a little. I feel pinching dryness in my throat and my eyes begin to water again, but I can't cry now. It gives an awful headache, also in few minutes I have to go back and join everyone. I cannot hide forever.

After stalling for a few minutes, I finally get up and make my way to the kitchen door, but it swings open and mother come in cheerfully, and behind her come Mikan in a pale blue sundress and her hairs tied into a high ponytail.

"Look Fal, your friend is here" she smiles brightly

I force frozen saliva down my throat. I wasn't expecting her. I still haven't prepared to face anyone from school. But it's just Mikan. I tell myself, but I'm too embarrassed to talk to her. Even her.

"Why don't you girls chit-chat for a while, you can join us later when we bring the cake and have some music on" she smiles and leaves swiftly to the living room. I'm sure whilst she was dropping Mikan here, she must be worried she's missing out on conversations. My mother, she loves having people and parties, especially family get together.

This one is more of a latter as she only invited people close to us.

"Why you like to go to my room?" I ask Mikan timidly.

"Hmm" she says with a gentle nod.

We both walk upstairs in a painfully awkward silence which makes me want to kill myself, but when get to the room and sit on my bed facing each other it gets even worse. Now I miss the stairs. We sit quietly giving each other some uncomfortable smiles, but none of us have the courage to say something. I nervously scratch out the slightly overgrown nail on my finger and accidentally tear off my skin too. A thin film of bright red blood spill out of the corner of my index finger, so I casually wipe it my dress ignoring the pain.

"So, a year in China sounds fun!" Mikan finally breaks the silence.

"Yeah!" I chuckle nervously

"I'm sure you'll have a lot of opportunity to make some amazing new friends" she adds

My heart splits hearing this. Friends? Will I be able to make friends? I've never had many friends. Will I have friends in China? I don't think so. I'm actually scared of the idea. I'm scared of having people around, especially now.

"I just hope everything goes silently and smoothly"

I say with a smile.

"I'm sure it will" she says in an affirmative tone.

"So... what's happening in school" I finally gather the courage to ask.

"Umm....not much really, same old school fest conversations and preparations"

"Are they still talking about me?"

"Umm...yes they are. It's still on everyone's tongue"

"I knew it"

"Kuzon, didn't come to school for two days"

"He didn't!" but I guess it makes sense. I can't believe that learning that I have a crush on him can be so embarrassing that now the most beloved guy don't have it in himself to show his face to anyone

"Maybe it's good that I'm gone" I say sad but relived.

"I guess so, there are things you're better off without knowing"

" I can imagine."

" Trisha must be thrilled" I add after a short pause.

"Over the moon" she says "you know how much she loves drama, and especially targeting you"

"Yeah" I sigh. I imagine her face and all the things she said to me comes back in flashes. My stomach rolls into tight knot.

"She jokes about it all the time" Mikan continues "she acts like you around Kuzon to mess with him. Say the things you wrote on the letter"

"Ohh!" my voice trembles. Now I can realise how cringe that letter was. At the moment I thought I was being honest and vulnerable. I digged my my own grave well enough. I like him. I really do, but I shouldn't have.

"Forget him Fal, you'll find someone who is ten times better than him. Who will love you for who you are and not what you look like. I'm sure."

"Yes!" my voice is almost breaking. That's not true I know, I can live ten lives and still not deserve kuzon. He is so...... amazing! And I.....I am nothing.

Come on now, enough about that old High school mess, tell me did you go shopping. I'm sure you will need brand-new clothes for your new school, your new life!

"No I will but, shortly. My mother will take me on Monday" I say uninterested.

"That's wonderful. Make sure you pick teal it's totally your color."

"I will" I added with an attempt to smile, but it dropped as soon as I met her eyes. I am not able to hide my emotions, I want to be alone, and I believe Mikan understands that, but the occasion forces us to be together, and this conversation is equally difficult for her as it is for me, but thankfully we were removed from my bedroom shortly to join everyone downstairs. Food was served in fancy crockery and my Aunt Amira gave a heartfelt toast to me followed by Aunt Joan and uncle Ben. I must say I began to feel a little hopeful, and maybe a little happy as well. Maybe everything will change for me, maybe I will have a better experience in China, and perhaps not everyone hates me at least not my family. I felt the knots in my chest loosen up slowly. One at a time, until my grandmother and her snobby old friend spoke up.

"I'm sure Faline will lose some belly in a foreign land, I've heard Chinese people are hardworking and quite mindful of what they eat" says Old Mrs Miteena adjusting her old stale brown spectacles obnoxiously. She is a sickly old woman of sixty-two perhaps, pretty opinionated and rude at all times. I've never seen her cheerful. Ever.

"Oh my my, you are right kimmy" my grandmother adds with a small giggle " fast food ain't that easy to find there I've heard, I'm sure Fal will be starved into a decent shape" grandma laughs

" This type of body shape isn't appropriate for a young girl. I'm sorry Jini, but I will blame you for failing to discipline Faline."

"Come on Auntie Kim, I always teach Fal to exert self-control, and I would prefer to do it rather strictly, but it's Jack who always stops me saying I'm being too hard on her" Mom replies vexed.

"Sharon I am pretty surprised to see that your granddaughter hasn't inherited the well known beauty of your family either which Jini has acquired in some way"

"What are you saying Kimmy, Fal has a pretty symmetrical facial structure I am sure a good diet will turn her into something decent"

"Yes Auntie Kim I think Fal is still rather cute" mom adds hastily

"Ha! Ha! Besides Kimmy, beauty isn't everything. Fal is a good student she is going to a well known B school in China, isn't that something!"

"I guess so" she adds with an air of pride" I wouldn't say I am particularly impressed as you might already know both of my grandsons are right now in Oxford pursuing data science. I must say I've always been fond of them, I always knew they had something extraordinary in them and that's rare. And oh my, you must have seen Ben paint, you know the older one, I have a reason to believe there's nothing that this boy cannot do, although my younger grandson is more of a nerd, but, you should see him cook he makes the best pies ever, I always tell my daughter she is a lucky one. I have never seen Faline do any extracurriculars, but I guess I understand, extracurriculars can be hard particularly when you don't have a knack for them. However, a B school in China isn't bad either, for a kid like Faline it is something to put it briefly" She says slurping her tea annoyingly loud trying to look distant and disinterested in the entire conversation.

"Well, Fal is young she has a long way to go" grandma adds smiling.

All of us this was the last straw for me. I couldn't bear to sit there anymore and watch everyone hit me right on my wounds. I rushed out of my seat rather dramatically and stomped heavily out of the room.

"Hey! Where are you going Fal?" Mom asks with urgency

"Out of here" I say with anger evident in my voice.

"Stop right there this is rude this party is for you. You can't just leave all the guests here are for you "

"Oh right mom, and I am having a wonderful time" I say rolling my eyes

"Fal, stop and come back " she says firmly

I don't stop though, I rather ascend the stairs loud and grumpy. I can feel everyone gawking at me but I cannot stay downstairs and listen anymore of that nonsense. I go to my room and and slam the door behind me.

A party for me and guests for me! Can't believe she was being serious this was more of a humiliation contest of who can belittle Faline better....but all of it.....it was all true wasn't it? My chest weighs me down till I can't stand anymore. I lay down on my bed wrapping myself in the blanket. This is what everyone thinks of me just a below average ugly child. Undesirable. I can go wherever I want, and this fact won't change, I am what I am. This week everything has been unbearably hard for me. The world seems to be quite a lonely place. I hug the surrounding blanket tightly burying my face on my pillow.

"Faline, open the door" Aunt Amira calls from the other side of the door.

"Please go away" I say

"Oh come on don't be like that, you've always known the way Mrs Miteena is. She can't be nice to anyone except her grandsons" she says in a loud whisper

"Then she should stay at home. Why go out in the world when you don't like anyone" I say

"Right but how will she be happy in her pathetic little life if she won't have fun by bullying others" Aunt Amira says jokingly

"Yeah right!" I say rolling my eyes

"come on, open the door now" she says

"No!" I almost yell

"I've chocolate cake for you" she almost sings

" I don't want it" I say affirmatively

"It has chocolate chips on top" she teases

"I don't want it!" I repeat

" And strawberries" she continues

"Go away" I yell in an annoyance

"Or you let me in, and I will take you shopping this evening"

"No, thanks" I say burying my face on the pillow

"I'll buy you a pizza on our way home" she says in delight knowing that it will work on me, and she is right I'm beginning to get tempted.

"I know you need new outfits for your new school, and you know I can help you be the most fashionable school girl in China" she says or almost sings.

I almost scoff at the idea, I don't even know how she came up with that sort of thing. I don't want anything to do with fashion. It's not for me. But I do need new clothes, I don't have anything proper. I decided to go with my mom, but I have to admit Aunt Amira is a better choice when it comes to shopping, plus I am still mad at my mom, I don't want to go with her.

" You can come in" I say opening the door

"I knew you would cave" she says smiling

"whatever" I say with a sigh and go back to bed

" Come change into something comfortable, and we would leave "

"Give me the cake first" I command. She offers me the plate and I dig in a spoon in the fluffy moist cake and let the flavours fill my tongue.

"Did they leave?" I ask with my mouth full

"Who?" she asks

"Those white haired old freaks" I say rolling my eyes.

"No I am afraid they're still here but don't worry we will slip through the back door"

She says with a chuckle.

I finish the cake and slip into a pair of comfortable pants and an oversized shirt and quietly quit the house from the kitchen door.