What is the meaning of the life ? What does it even mean to make a lot of good memories?

As I started loosing consciousness slowly slowly, the glimpses of my past started coming before my eyes.

Sia, a young girl who was desperate enough to do anything to make friends so that she does not end being all alone.

I never had anyone to write my name in those "My Best Friend" essays. It's not that I never had any friends. It's just that their presense made feel like I was only a pushover to them. I only realised this fact a lot later in my life.

When I was in fifth standard, my bench mates never allowed to sit me on the window seat. They always used to make me sit on those undesirable seats.

I mostly used to sit alone on my bench in sixth standard. That time I had fours friends in my class with whom I can talk. They were - Ayesha, Rhea, Selena and Dua. But were they really my friends?

I had been suffering from a chronic disease since my fourth standard. Due to which I had some prominent scars on my leg. I still remember Dua's expression. Dua was my six years long friend. I never expected her to be disgusted by my appearance. She thought that she would catch my disease if she comes near to me. She did not even give me a chance to explain that it was a genetic disease which is non communicable.

Ayesha, Rhea and Selena were very good to me. Our class teacher had instructed four of us sit together and Do you know where they made me sit? Well they used to keep their bags on the bench and most of the times I just had to stand like a scare crow as I had no place to sit on the bench.

But I did not loose hope. I thought that something was wrong with me. Dua told me that she does not like to sit besides me because of my anger issues. So, I decided to change myself for the good. Not even once I tried to understand that they were toxic.

In our school we had a option to choose between two languages , Bengali and Hindi for our second language. My second language was Bengali. During this period Hindi students used to move to the upstairs and we Bengali students used to sit together with our friends for this class.

Everyone used to sit with their friends except me. In a class of atleast thirty students, I had no one to sit with. Ayesha, Rhea and Selena always used to sit together. Once I even told them that why they never used to sit with me? Atleast one of them can sit with me, right? Well their answer was quite ... They told me that they liked it better that way. I had nothing to say.

With the passage of time, my scars on my legs and hands started becoming more prominent. As people started staring and questioning at my scars, my parents told me to hide my scarred skin. The reason was that they were ashamed. They were ashamed of their own blood and flesh! My my mother was quite loving in nature. She used to curse me by saying that it was the sin of my past life that I had this disease.

Tears rolling down my cheeks I cried all night. I can still recall those endless nights when I turned around and around my bed as I felt like dying with all those burning sensation lingering on my skin. Dead skin cells all around my bedsheet, I had taken more than ten pills a day. I was scared but I had no one beside me to console myself.

One of my school teacher once told me to wear long sleeves as my hand's scars were too ugly to show off. But I had one asset. I inherited my paternal grandmother's appearance so my face was quite good looking. As long as I hid my scars I always got attention from those boys who were only hungry for beauty.

Life was going easy. I had my first boyfriend at the end of my eighth standard. His name was Daniel. He was my first love. Everytime he used to come near my sight, there was always an upsurge in the rate of my heart beat.

Meanwhile Ayesha, Rhea, Selena's behavior towards me started worsening. They always made fake complains against me. Sometimes they used to throw trash inside my water bottle while another times they forced me to swallow pieces of papers which were no less than any trash. One time I did not pick up Rhea's pen which fell on the ground by her only and she took my hair clip forcefully and threw it from the window as a punishment.

All these while I kept silent. What could I even do? I tried to make another friend. Her name was Khloe. Khloe was nice to me. But it made Selena jealous. According to Selena I cannot make friends with the people who were out of our group. There were total seven people in Selena's group including me. I did exactly what Selena told me. One time I even revolted against hers and that resulted into my boycott from my own friend circle.

Those empty seats, walking around the corridor aimlessly . When everyone was gossiping with their friends during the lunch time , I was trying to make a fake smile while crying loudly inside.

For six months I was all alone.

Now you may think about why I was all alone? What about my neighbors?

Well my neighbors had always seen me and my mother as an eyesore. The reason of their unfavorability towards us is very absurd. They disliked us due to two reasons. Firstly due to my father's government job ( People in India are very obsessed with government job). Secondly because my father made a two storey house with a lovely balcony like Juliet had in "Romeo Juliet". According to them my parents had two children and both of them are female. So what's the meaning of a big house?

During the time of my boycott Daniel's behavior towards me was very cold. There were times when he did not even bother to text me for months. His continuous flirty texts to females bothered me but I was happy with just his presence in my life. I really loved him.

But the joy was for a short period of time. His over friendly texts with Khloe started concerning me. I knew that there was something wrong. Not being able to bear any more problems I blocked him.

Now that I was once again all alone I tried once more. Once more I tried to make a fake. This time it was Kathylene. Kathylene was a really nice girl. She used me to correct her failed maths paper and then ditch me by saying that I was a person of loose character.

The very that day I also got to hear from my friend that Daniel had proposed Khloe. I was hurt. I was crying in my school as I could no longer enclose the melancholic darkness inside my broken heart.

' How could he do that? We were still in a relationship. '

I renconciled with Ayesha, Rhea, Selena and the other three members of our group. I do not know what did it even mean because I could clearly see them hanging out and posting pictures in social media while I was laying on my couch inside my bedroom.

Silly me even asked them why they never even bother to ask me for hangouts. For which they replied, " Do we need to call you? Even if we don't hangouts, we are still friends. "

Friends my as$. Once again they boycotted me for an unknown reason.

That time, Aishwarya took my hand and introduced me to her group. Well that also did not last as Aishwarya started spreading fake rumours about me as her crush had a crush on me .

At this point I was so broken that I stopped making anymore friends.

But now that I hit my head with this truck, I can finally realise. I realised what a vile life I have lived all my life.

'If I get another chance I want to live for myself. '

I closed my eyes.

The next time when I opened my eyes I was awestruck.

' Holy Cow! Where the hell am I? '

Splendid furniture, luxurious ceiling, supper soft bed and... The maids! And that also in those costumes?

I closed my eyes once again thinking it to be a dream.

' Sleep some more. It must be a dream. '

It's all I thought. But my hopes shattered down as I heard a lamenting voice.

" Oh my Emily! You are finally awake. "

I flinched and sat in a leap.

" Who is Emily? And who are you? "

" Who am I? After drowning in thake lake have you lost your memories? I am your mother Christina Rochster and you are Emily Rochster. "

I leaped from my bed and went towards the mirror. At that moment I realised, that I was no more Sia.

' What the hell ! Am I in some kind of novel like a cliche Manhwa? '

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To be continued ~