I was standing in front of my new school it was fairly small for a middle school and looked nothing like the ones in Seoul. instead of multiple stories this building only had one and the walls were not made out of concrete. The sound of cars was replaced by the sound of loud kids, a kid shoved past me trying to get to the door I was then pushed inside I tried reaching for the office door but was continuously pushed to the second set of doors. Before I was shoved any further I turned around and tried making my way through the crowd when  I saw the sight of the door handle to the office I reached out and held on for dear life. I manged to pull my body to the door once I entered the office it was like  everything changed almost like if I were back in my old school it was quiet and the atmosphere was calm. There was that touch of awkwardness  of being in the office. I stood there and soaked it all up knowing that this would be the only thing that would feel familiar, the only thing that would feel normal.

¨Hello may I help you?"  the woman behind the desk asked.

She must have noticed me lingering at the door waiting ¨ Yes  I-I´m the new ex-change st-student.¨ I felt my cheeks flush. I was so embarrassed that I couldn't speak English very well yet. The woman must have noticed this too because she told me that she understood that it was a bit difficult to learn a new language and that I should not feel embarrassed. She the proceeded to print out my schedule and got one of the staff to escort me to my locker then show me where my first class was.

Everyone was standing at the back of the class whispering and chatting to one another. I didn't know what to do so I just assumed that we were supposed to stay in the back. In front of all of the students there was a  woman who was not tall but was not short either, she was an average Height Her long light brown hair that was pulled into a french braid and  her eyes were a radioactive green.

¨Hello My name is Mrs Chimie  and I will be your social studies teacher.¨ Her voice was very broad and firm the very opposite of her appearance

  ¨I am going to assign you your seat and I do not want to hear any groans or any of the sorts, if you have any problems of where you are seated come to me after class and we will privately  discuss it.¨ She walked to the front of the room and put her hand in front of a seat ¨Ava.C you will sit hear next to Ava Jack and next to Jack Conner. S.¨ she moved to the table behind. ¨Jae Park

      I scurried over to my seat clenching my binder  and looking down I could feel everyone's eyes on me, they probably already decided  that I am that weird nerdy Asian kid that stuck out like a sore thumb. The teacher moved on to the seat next to me.

¨Lucia¨ no one walked up everyone looked around trying to find the missing person.

Mrs Chimi grabbed her clipboard and scribbled disapprovingly  ¨Already missing on the first day not a good sign.¨

¨Looks like even  Lucia decided to leave the Jap  alone.¨ a kid announced. It was followed by a  small wave of snickering.

I felt something in my chest twist when I heard  all of those kids snicker like that. I guess that this school is not as different as the one in Korea the kids were all the same. I ignored them not letting them see that they got the better of me.

¨He probably doesn't understand you. you have to speak his language.¨ a kid said.

I can feel my face reddening of embarrassment and anger at this point they are just mocking me and my culture. I want to slap that smile off his face I want to give him a black eye something I just wanted do something, to set things straight to tell them I'm not fucking Japanese , but I just stayed Quiet and tried acting oblivious to what was happening.

Even though Jae acted oblivious he wouldn't stop and started yelling words and phrases  in a mixture of  Japanese, Spanish, and other languages ¨konnichiwa, Arigato, Hola como estas"

-"Hey that's enough!  Samuel! Hall, now!" she pointed at the door and waited until he was out in the hallway. "What is wrong with all of you guys, just because he can't understand you  that doesn't give you any right to be rude. ... If anything like this happens like again and not just to him there will be severe consequences is that understood. "  The whole class nodded in unison. She moved to the next table "Emma. R"

as she called everyone's name everything faded out into the background  the rest of school day was like this with occasionally Samuel and his friends coming by and bothering him. The bus ride home was better than expected. I eventually  made it home, I started slipping of my shoes and noticed a pair of black flats mom was back home.

  "Jeo wass-eo"

"Jae what did I say you have to start speaking more English we are going to be living  here from now on."

I watched my Mom  as she was  chopping  a variety of vegetables "I wish we weren't staying." I said sitting down at the kitchen table.

She put down her knife and looked at me "What happened."

-"Nothing"  I Quickly shot back.

She went back to her vegetables and gave one last side glance showing that she was not convinced but she wasn't going to pry the matter.  The rest of the day just flew by like in school after dinner I went to do homework, dad buried himself in his study, and mom was in the kitchen making a list of necessities for the house.

It was 8:00 western time when I finished my homework. I climbed in bed and stared at the ceiling. "Beep, beep,beep." The sound of my alarm went off but I was already up I didn't manage to get any sleep last night. I got ready ate breakfast And just like that I was back at school, the moment I saw the front doors I told myself I want to go home. I manged to force myself through the front doors down the hall and into my first class. I headed towards my table and noticed a short petite girl sitting in the seat next to mine. Her hair was a frizzy dark mess , she had tan skin, and wore a black jacket. And everything about her told you leave me alone or I'll kill you.  I placed my stuff on the table and took my seat. We sat there for a couple of moments in silence when  she grabbed her book and started reading. Now that I have seen her face I now know that she has eyes like mine only shaped differently and they hid behind silver wired glasses.

          "Okay everyone in your seats." Mrs Chimi instructed  as she went around the classroom passing  out papers.

I wrote my name  down as soon as I got my paper. Mrs Chimi finished passing out all of the papers and made her way to the front of the classroom.

"Okay, does anyone know anything  about The Attack on Pearl Harbor?" Mrs Chimi asked.

  The hand of a kid sitting in the front was in the air waiting to be called to speak.

"Yes Tommy"

"The Attack on Pearl Harbor happened during World War II and is about how Japan bombed Hawaii."

-"Wouldn't Jae know all about it," a  small whisper  said and that whisper  was from  Sam.

  I felt that pang in my chest again and looked down at my blank paper.

"Actually Sam, Jae's not from japan"

  I look up shocked. How did the girl next to me know I wasn't Japanese ? but it wasn't as shocking as the look on her face  it was the one  I would make when I was  called Japanese and my pride got hurt.

"Lucia why are you disrupting my class!?" Mrs Chimi said waiting for an answer.

The face on Lucia changed into a small smile "I was just explaining to Sam that jae isn't Japanese."

"Oh next time explain to Sam when I am not in a lecture."

Lucia's smile brightened,  "Understood"

Mrs Chimi explained the assignment and sent us off to work time.

I to Lucia I wanted to ask how she knew I wasn't Japanese  but was to scared

"what do you want" Lucia said still working on her paper.

crap was I that obvious, " H-how did you know I wasn't Japanese?"

with the eraser part of her pencil she pointed to the name on my paper. I stared at my name and saw that I spelled it 재 instead of Jae. I stared at her as she worked on her project.

"Is there anything else?"

"T-tha...gamsahada"

"Next time stand up for yourself, don't let them step all over you. Look with those guys you cannot give them an inch got it."

With that the bell rang and she was off

I rushed down the hall trying to avoid getting trampled, honestly it's like these kids don't have eyes. I finally made it to my locker I put in the combination and groaned as I pressed up on the plastic knob, It was stuck. Another thing I hate about this school, the lockers. I put the combination again and pressed the knob it still wouldn't budge. "damn it"  I angrily put the combination in again. I Jumped at the feeling of someone taping my shoulder.

" I know the lockers are a piece of crap. It helps if when you push the knob you also push in the door to your locker."

I Was skeptical that it was going to work but I did as he said anyway and the locker let out a satisfying . "click". I pulled open the door open and looked at him.

"See I knew it would work." The boy smiled and held out his hand. "Hi I'm Eliot."

Eliot had purple hair that had  faded out so the color was more soft on the eyes, he also had very unique eyes  the one on the right was a pale dull green and the one on the left  was a dark brown that were close to a black. he wore a black sweatshirt that had showed multiple stains and splotches of paint. I looked at his hands that were stained grey and had multiple faded out streaks of color.He must have thought I was hesitant taking his hand because of all of the substances on it.

"Oh sorry about that I Just had art class."

He then he offered me his other hand which was improvingly cleaner , but that is not what worried me. What the hell was I supposed to do!? I don't know any American greetings! We didn't have any of this back where I live! I was now regretting not paying attention to dad when he was talking about all of there customs. So I responded the only way I knew, I gave a slight bow "Hello  my n-name  Jae Park."  God damn it I was stuttering again.

"I know. I'm in the same band class" Eliot said as he turned to his locker and put away his binder and exchanged it for a small black case.

The case was Identical to the one in my locker. "S-so you play clarinet?" "Yep." He replied. "Actually I sit right next to you."

My face reddened how stupid could I be to not realize who he was when I sat right next to him. It's not just that this guy is really hard to miss.

-"Hey no need to feel embarrassed. You were probably just nervous yesterday being it your first day and all that. How about this, to repay me for not being able to recognize me. Walk with me to band class."

I eagerly nodded my accepting his invitation. We walked down the crowded hall and tried not to lose him. I dodged ducked and tried slipping through any opening I could find, I felt air refill my lungs as I escaped the crowd of people and saw the empty main hall where I saw Elliot  standing there waiting.

"You made it."

I didn't respond just rushed to his side like a little kid who just found his mother. We walked down the hall where you could hear clanging and muffled voices that became clearer as you walked down the hall. We made a left and were going to enter the room when someone ran out and bumped into me.

"you good?"Eliot asked he led me through the room.

Another voice responded"Don't baby him Eliot."

I looked in the sounds direction and there she was, the girl from before. As I  looked at her I  noticed that she acted a bit more differently here than at class, she seemed more social and a little less intimidating.

"Jae Lucia, Lucia Jae." Eliot looked at the both of us as he was sharing introductions.

"Okay class page 3 in your warm up books" Mr smith said hands held up in the middle of the room standing on the podium.  sounds of distaste s were let out from my classmates as they opened there books.

"Come on again! We played everything in here last year, we're in advanced band for crying out loud and here we are playing from the same god damn book!" Lucia said as she threw the book on her stand and opened up to page 3.

The rest of the  kids followed they whined and complained. The class was not like this yesterday. I looked over to Elliot who acted like none of  this was new. "Is it like this everyday when she's here?" I whispered to him .

" Pretty much, and why are you whispering?" Elliot answered back.

"Sorry it's a habit since back at my old school when I played in band you were not all-lowed to make any... loud sounds. We could only speak before class but when class st-started we had to go silent."

-"Well don't expect any of that here." someone said from behind.

I looked back and saw a tall girl with a head of curly black hair her skin was dark and she looked like she would rather be anywhere but here.

"Jae this is Grace One of the many people forced to be here like Lucia and me." Elliot said, reed in his mouth. "So who's decision was it your's or you're parents?"

"To play clarinet?"

yes Elliot nodded.

"My parents made me  start-started  clarinet when I was f-five and I have played since." I said the words feeling strange as they rolled off my tongue

"You had it right the first time"  grace said .  "Trust yourself more."

"Yeah your English is not bad and don't be afraid to speak a little louder you do not need to whisper here." Elliot added.

okay I nodded. The class started to slowly quiet down as Mr. smith held his hands up indicating second position.

He made slow short movements as he counted off the first four beats indicating the beat of the song. "1+2+3+4+ 1+2+3+4  1 2 3 4+ 1 2 3 4. stop " he closed his hands and looked down at the sheet music on his stand. "Trumpets look at your key signature, percussion we're playing eight notes not sixteenth notes, and flutes if you wouldn't mind playing a vibrato for the whole note at the end. See  This is why we're playing from the book again so you guys can familiarize yourselves with the notes and the rhythms because I bet you $100 that none of you guys picked up your instrument once during the break. "  He looked to the side and looked at Lucia.

"You say that every year And we use the book all damn year and practice it all god damn class, and  it's not like that anyone is playing anything different, and then you will give us sheet music that we never play in class so when the concert come half the kids have panic attacks which is the reason half of the kids in beginning band drop out and the ones who  do stay here  is because they have no other choice but to because our parents are total selfish jerks who only want us to play to show people what great kids they have even when there kids get frustrated every day by having to attend these damn classes, but no one listens because we are the kids and they are the adults and all they tell us it is a phase and that we will grow to love band. Well guess what it has been four years already and I still fucking hate it!"

Everyone now had eyes on them.

"Lucia! Get out, Get out if all you're going to do is taking away from our learning time!"

Lucia let out a sigh of frustration as she stormed to the back of the room and entered  the hallway. i was Frozen still trying to process everything that had just happened.

A tap on my shoulder made me flinch " I'm sorry for this." Elliot apologized. "It's just that even though we are also forced to continue band it's different for Lucia unlike us who can quit after this year since it is the last year of middle school, she has to continue all throughout high school. Out of all of us she hates this class the most but her parents are strict and expect a lot out of her but never listen to her so she's just frustrated of having to do all of this all over again."  It was quiet for a while between us.

" It's all good I think I Understand. " I slurred the words a bit.

Elliot turned back to what he was doing. I think I truly understand what Elliot means. Things just get decided for you without your consent. The whole not wanting to disappoint your parents come into play even when you know your only doing yourself harm. All you do is  lie to yourself as yo tell yourself to hold on a bit longer hoping  it will get better. Knowing that things are only going to change once you do something, forcing yourself to make a choice that will either lead to you losing all respect from your parents or losing all respect for yourself.  Trying to reach expectations while being  restrained, afraid, and passionate  is the perfect recipe to lead you down a dark void.