...When I was ten years old, whenever it rains my mother use to say it is a sign that God has answered a prayer. Her saying was " rain is a blessing"....

...After ten years, it's funny how I still believe rain is a blessing. I rub my cold palm together bringing them close to by lip as I blow warm air between them. The sound of rain droplets against the roof of the car still remains the only sound breaking the silence in the the car. I needed a silence like this. I take in a deep breathe and relax into the soft material....

...I don't know what I should think about- my mother, my brother or the German household. I still remember vividly Mateo's trembling voice as he spoke through the cell. Each sob tore my heart in pieces. He couldn't talk for seconds, it was hard for him to compose a sentence. He had choke multiple times on his own words. I knew all was not well. When he finally got himself to talk, when those  three words came out. I froze. A tear slipped down my face. I try to hide the defeat in my voice when I know he's still on the other line. I can't be broken like he is, if both of us show no strength, who will console who?...

...Mother has taught me that as an elder sister, you carry the cross of the younger ones. So I stayed strong....

...Broken Spanish fillye my ears as I try to listen. I try. He's struggle to explain what happened....

..."hermano, hermano!"...

...'Sí, sí, sí'...

...His voice break through the line. He's hurting....

...I slide down to the floor with my knees to my chest, I cried. I cried than ever before. Than when father died. Now my brother. I won't let that happen. That's why I'm here, In a moving car on a raining day. When I see the red flag with a cup in the center at the top of a long pole drenched from the rain, I know I'm home. The car speed past it into the blurry town I grew up....

...From the eyes of a fourteen years old, I remember little to nothing of this town. The driver turn to look at me as the car comes to a halt in front of the German Mansion....

...I put a hand over my face trying to shield it from the drizzling rain with my bag in my other hand. I  make my way to the large see through gate. I have heard a lot about the Germans while growing up but never  did I think I will be at their service. This is the fault of my father. And of my mother for marrying a drunk gambler. I look around the plant filled wall to locate a bell switch. My shaky fingers slide over it....

...It rings once, twice, thrice. And When the double gate open, I wonder if they were expecting me....

...I try to block away the thought of the sequence of events that had led me here as I unpack my bag....

...A maid has helped me into my room and left me to settle in and be down in few hours for further instructions....

...When I walked through the main door, no one crack a smile at me not that if I was smiled at, I would have the energy to return it. I have no atom of excitement left in me....

... It hurts that after 5years of nursing, this is where I end up. As a maid in a stranger's home. As a servant to a household I didn't offend. A household my mother didn't offend. Just some mistake from an ungrateful father. After all these years, I thought we were alright....

...I feel so pained. So angry. I don't know who to focus the blame on, my mother? for marry a gambler? or my father for being useless? or the Germans for not letting their debt die with the debtor?. I fell sick! My grip on the shirt in my hands tighten. I push everything away. My clothes, my bag, my phone. All to the floor. ...

...I fall on my knee and cry. Again. I cry harder than the night before, when will I stop tearing up? how long will this continue to trigger every nerve in my body?...

...I cover my mouth with both hands trying to muffle the heavy sob. Just like the previous night, when I cry and couldn't cry no more I put my head on the pillow . With wet eyes, wet strains of hair and shivering lips- I sleep....

...------...

...I do not know how long I've been out but when I wake up I feel a presence in the room. It's the maid from earlier. She looks at me with disgust. Straight face. Hair in bum. Maid uniform. She looks nothing less than thirty....

..." Sleep is the cousin of death, sleep on if you wish to meet your relation"...

...she says not taking her eyes off me. I don't take mine off her too. She continue...

..." You are late for your first duty. Follow me"...

...I can't go out there looking like this. I know how messy I do look when I wake up from sleep. My hair is everywhere, rumpled dress from the toss and turn, red big eyes..... And the room.... I look around the small room. I see the way her eyes follow mine to examine the floor. ...

...I turn toward the bathroom....

..." No time for that. My lady is waiting"...

...With that she turn around leaving the room. I follow her closely. What is it with the people residing here? was that a part of their training? will I end up like her in this mansion? o can't help but imagine. I don't wish that on myself....

...Have I fucked up already? Not yet. I can still make it right....

...I know....