7/22/2022

Dear Diary, well this is what you will be called in till I find a name, well you were a gift from my mom because “you need to work on yourself” so I was basically forced to do this

Well I guess I should tell you thing that have happened like first I used to be bullied but hey! they probably hate their selves. who are we kidding I hate when shows or parents say that like ok does that matter. To me it seems like they are saying that it was ok because the did not like their selves same thing when people are like, they had a bad life you can’t blame them. That should not be a free pass just because they had a bad life. That should not mean they can be a d**** . Next subject my dad he is the reason I am never marrying a man. He would find it funny when he made me cry. He and my mom would get in to verbal fights and I would lock my self in the bathroom and cry pathetic right. Every time he sees me putting on makeup he would say “ that won’t help” and if I put on anything that showed a little bit of skin he would say that I look like a wh***. But the most confusing part is he says I look nice when I am wearing something that covers more. That is all for now

8/1/2022

Anyways I have this amazing friend named Alex they go by they/them and I have know them since 4th grade they are really pretty/handsome. We went to different middle schools but kept in touch and now we are in high school together. I faked proposed to them I wish I could marry them but I don’t think they like me like that .

I have to write a poem for class so how is this

Every year there is a trip someone must make alone

where they walk through the doors of time

But what happens if you can’t walk through any more doors

but instead hear the sounds of three hounds barking

your whole life worked up to this

you are asked one question

“were you happy”

some replie with no

some replie with yes

but none replie with maybe

My aunt calls me a wallflower because I don’t do anything but sit there sometimes I wish I’m in a different world I make up characters and love interest always both girls. But when it comes to writing it down I can’t do it like their is a voice telling me that I will never be good at it.

8/2/22

I saw Alex today they looked as i remember I wish I was as confident as them. I would be happy if I could spend all day every day with them but sadly I can’t. So I will stick with sometime seeing them as long as they are happy I’m happy.

8/7/22

Dear friend, ok I know that might sound stupid but I’m calling you friend because maybe I will start writing in you. Anyways I was thinking instead of putting dates I’m just going to number the days I write. Because if anyone does read this I don’t want them to know what day I wrote it

I wish high school came with a book like the “do and don’t of high school” that would be soo helpful also a book adout how to deal with emotions because I sure need that

Day 1

Dear friend, yep I’m living up to my word, you know there are times were I wish I was as pretty as people of social media but then I realize that’s I will never be that pretty the only thing I have going on is a small waist and as my sister calls it “pinup girl lips” but other then that I really have nothing going on.

Day 2

Dear friend, ever had that feeling of being replaced of course you haven’t your a book. Well it sucks so bad because I know I’m not but the little voice in my head is saying “yes you are” the reason I’m talking about this is because I saw Alex talking to someone when I was right by them trying to talk to them, I know they would never do anything like that but it still hurt you know. It did not help that I all ready felt like my friends were leaving me but that was the strew that broke the camel’s back I told them that I had to use the bathroom but i did not have to I was just crying. I was a the point where everything made me sad.

Day 3

Dear friend, I’m really sorry for getting that emotional now you see why my mom got you for me I know she is just worried but anytime I do say anything she says I’m being dramatic. It so confusing do you want me to talk to you or not make up your mind.

Day 4

Dear friend, Alex asked me why I cried that day I could not tell them I was afraid they would hate me so I said that it was from stress from math they said they will help me in math. I don’t deserve them they are smart, pretty/handsome, kind, they know who they are. Writing adout them makes it sound like I have a crush on them which I don’t yeah my face gets hot when i see them and I want to marry them but that does not mean I have a crush even if I did they would never go out with me as the past entrys prove. Even if they did they deserve better someone who is like them.

Day 5

Dear friend, I have realized that I was wrong I do in fact have a big crush as one of my friends pointed out to me. What do I do should I tell them or should I not tell them. This is so hard to choose I need some days to think.