You know never ever I've imagined it, not even in my wildest dreams not even one but today I totally fucked it up. I'd always thought that I can stop myself from something I hate to do and I did stop myself but this time I just couldn't do it. I could have killed him that time, but there was very sharp pain in my chest and I just couldn't , in thought of mine if I kill him , who will annoy me , who will counter attack me and who's gonna interrupt me , this thought of him always stopped me from killing and apart from that I could see me falling for him.

I lived on a steep bank of a river, it was a quite refreshing yet relaxing view to watch, I've always admired the view and refreshing vibes but I don't know why I'm not feeling it today.

It's like there's something missing , a piece or the whole fraction the place or destination or you can say the motive of something has gone. I was standing beneath a tree , distracted from chaos of world, felt like living in my own imagination or living in surrounded bubble. But then someone pricked it and it popped out, and then I heard someone call my name 'Nate, Nate , Natalia ' , a sudden realisation that someone came I turned towards them, it was my mom , she was very sleek , I don't know why she didn't have a very low diet infact she ate more than my dad but still, she loved jasmines and she also liked jasmine scents and you know she had a very awkardly personality, sometimes she can be very friendly with a person and sometimes she can be mannequin in front of someone, she was and always be a mystery to me. As I turned towards her she gave me glaring look and started mumbling ' Do you even know who many times I've called you, but you ain't listening to me ' . I was in dilemna for what should I say now and I'm like , mom I'm in a rut myself how can I take my mind outta there but instead I said ' Sorry mom, I was just thinking something that took my mind out, lets go' , we both headed towards our father's study, as farther we were it was all good but the nearer we reached the room it became more tensed and it was silenced like hell. My mom left me in front of the mighty door , alone. I remained standing in front of the door, because I knew what my father was going to tell me and I also knew this deep down that I'm not going to do this. I entered in the room, if you see from the point where I'm standing you will see a tall and muscular figure standing in front you , at first coming to this room I was always happy but today I can feel the tension and the nausea feeling. I felt like I should just runaway or a more better option die , but I also knew that a manly woman like my mom will be hurt by this. I didn't know what to do my mind was gone blank and only thing I can remeber was ' HIM'. I never thought he could melt ice like heart of mine.

And now I think.....

' Nate , good you came in time and now sit down and we have to talk about something''. I remained silent coz I knew what he was going to talk'bout, I knew he was going to talk about taking away my peace, I knew he was going to talk about killing my soul away and I knew he was telling me to kill away my existence. How can I let this happen? How can I let someone take my peace very peacefully and then let me live in chaos. I never knew how can this so called 'love' left me in trance and I know nothing what to do. And it's telling me that there are 2 options One "Do" and Second option "Die" and honestly both of them are like a lion's cave to me, because if I Did the first option there's no point of living and if I choose the Second option it will always haunt my soul that I wasn't worthy to born, loved and lived and I know how capable I am and I won't surrender to any of my hoe if I'm my father's daughter. Suddenly a voice called me , it was my Dad, he said "Natalia, you dazed ? Has something bothering you ?", he asked and honestly I really wanted to say " Yeah, Dad something has been bothering me , the person you've asked me to kill is the person whom I love and if I kill him I don't know if I'll have a chance to live on' but I didn't instead of that I said " Nope nothing just some school stuff and yeah.. You called me .. Mom said you wanted to talk to me " and then his expression became dead serious it was like someone just new came here, the softness, the familiarity and the love just vanished away from his face and then he spoke up " Yeah, I wanted to talk about how are the things going for the task I gave you ?"

And the moment of truth came in.

Now if I lift my eyes I can see the face of father but I knew deep down that he wasn’t him, the familiarity and the coziness I felt around him was long gone by the time and now I can only see a man who’s full of himself and carrying a very ominous aura around and a man who can do anything to achieve something he has laid eyes on, this side of my father has been only seen by two people first “ My dad’s Friend and partner Mr. Hosanna and me “. This is the most well hidden thing in my family, even my mom doesn’t know about it because she’s the only one whom he loves more than anything in the world, I’m also included in the list but he doesn’t wanna show this dark side of him to her because she will be really worried for him and that’s the last thing my father would want my mother to be and so do I, So, I never told this to anyone to this day and I know about this secret of his since I was 8.

Then he spoke in a very husky voice “ So tell me the progress you’ve made it till now” and now I knew that the old saying of love that says Love is a destruction was always true and people are the ones that are stupid... stupid like me who fall in love and then I said after throwing away my thoughts in a pit “ I have got all the schedules and the information of the secret guards of Vasquez Family and I’m trying to get the access of the documents hidden in the family”, I knew this wasn’t something he wanted to know and all this bullshit I created just now was something to run away from the truth that was just so... so hurtful and so hard to cope up with. I lifted up my eyes to see what did my father’s face told and I was in a shock that it didn’t look like in a rage or something but then his lips separated and he said “Natalia you know this is something I did not ask for, right ? “. After this statement I was left speechless I know what he wants I know what he expect from me and I also know I cannot give it to him because what he thinks is a bait to him it is like giving my whole life of to him. I just stared up the carpet not daring to make eye contact with him and suddenly my body gets tensed up and I can feel how I’m losing the control of my body and I can also feel losing the sense of touching the ground from my feet and it’s also starting to feel that my body is starting to levitate free in the air and there’s a rush of pain spreading all over my body.

Now I’m literally levitating in the middle of air and when I lift up my eyes I see my dad standing in front of me and his eyes are literally blood shot, I could see all the veins on his face emerge and I could only stay quite or cry out loud and now even the pain feels surreal. Then a very husky and voice not a voice should say a whisper came in my ears and it said “Natalia, you know I don’t like when people try to change subject and you know this pretty well, right ?”. I groaned in pain because something invisible was clutching my neck so tightly I couldn’t breathe properly but I still managed to say “ Ye....Yes” and then he replied “Then why aren’t you telling me what’s the progress you’ve made ?” , I was speechless and more than that I was not able to breathe it feels like I’m dying and I also think that it will be the best for all of us but also I don’t like my mom crying over me but then somehow the invisible clutching on my neck became a little lighter and my body that was levitating in the air as a foreign object also came to back to it’s place as something thrown down by force. When I touched the couch and feet the floor,I came to a realisation that I was literally crying and then I lifted my face up, terrified to do so but still gathered up some courage to do it, lifted up my gaze and saw my dad as a mess he was groaning in pain and shaking to his toes and then he muttered “get...out get out of here” and I said “what” and he growled so loudly that the whole castle could hear it and I stumbled upon on my feet but still was able to get out of the room and ran towards my bedroom.

After closing up the door I crotched down and started weeping and the scene I saw just saw moments before was so terrifying, the aura my dad passed and the dark vibes his room emitted and the magic he used upon and that sharp instinct of human of saving themselves first coming alive was just so scary, I wish I could have died and freed myself but no I don’t want to be coward or I was good for nothing to my family,So, even if I’d have to suffer I’ll do it I got up from the side of door and walked to the dresser or mirror you say, I watched my face as a whole mess, tears were rushing down my eyes like a river and my lips were literally quivering and my whole face flushed. I then laid down on my bed, staring at ceiling and thinking “Why’d I have to be so stupid to fall in love with that lad and why do have my father order me to kill him, why?”. I just stared and stared at ceiling until I fell asleep.

As a matter of fact 3 things have been cleared up one that “Nate should kill her love or can kill her family peace or better get killed”. So unfair isn’t it but this is how things work in this world.