“I am sorry, I must end this, this can’t

go on anymore……this is the end of us”, said the girl. “Why? Am I not good

enough? Did I do something wrong? Where did I go wrong? Please tell me…… no,

don’t…don’t go….no….”

The man woke up, breathing heavily, it's 3

in the night.

“This dream, huh, why do I keep having the

same dream again and again?”

The man took off from the bed, went

towards the kitchen. He opened a cupboard, looking for a jar of coffee. The jar

turned out to be empty.

“Ah man, no coffee eh… well, it is what it

is then”

The man went back, took a vial of sleeping

pills and a glass of water, and walked towards the couch in a room adjacent to

the bedroom. He sat down, pills on one hand and water on the other, he

remembered the dream.

“Where did I go wrong...…eh?”

Suddenly a voice came, “Do you want to

know?”

“Who are you? How are you here?”

A young boy in his high school uniform sat

there, however, his face covered with a mask with a cross mark on it.

“Do you want to know?”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN?”

“Do you want to know where did you go

wrong?”

“I am calling the police, …”

“It’s no use”, the boy stood up and kept a

hand on his shoulder

“Huh???”

Suddenly the entire room changed around

him… they were no longer where they were and found themselves standing in front

of a house….

“This house……… wait, no way, who are you?”

“That is not important Shimura Abe kun,

for now let’s go back to the past, and …”

“And?”

“And let’s see, where did you go wrong?”,

said the boy with a smirk tone….

“This house, it’s my childhood home…”

"It is, because we are in your childhood,

your teen years to be precise."

“How? And moreover why?”

“How is not important, why, is to go down

your memory lane”

“What do you mean?”

At that moment, a familiar face came out

of the house…

“I am off to school “, said the person and

ran off.

“That boy… it’s me”

“Yes Shimura, it is you, in your 8th grade, and we are going to be looking over ‘you’ from now on.”“To find out where I went wrong?”

“Yes, Shimura “

The two guys went on as they saw a young

Shimura excitedly entering his school, with a smile on his face.

If you are here for a hilarious rom com,

this story is not for you, if you are here for a heart-rending romance, this probably

won't satisfy you, if u expect a totally loner guy getting famous you are

wrong, if you are expecting the chronicles of a cool guy, you are wrong too, I

am Abe Shimura, and this is the tale of someone, who is just above average

having one simple question to himself, where did he go wrong?

AND THUS, THE QUEST START……

“So how long is this going to be, and

where exactly are we?” asked Shimura, “For as long as it takes for you to

understand, and we are in your past, to be precise your memory lane, here we

cannot change anything but only spectate”, answered the masked boy.

“And what is your name?”

“Does it matter?”

“I mean, I must call you something, right?”

“Hmm, Hiruko, call me Hiruko then”

“Hiruko, mmm ok alright”

“Anyway, it seems you are in class”

“Shimura kun good morning”, said someone

as soon as young Shimura entered the classroom, “Ah, Misaki chan Good morning”

“I hope you brought your homework today; I

won’t cover for you this time, Shimura kun”

“Yes, yes don’t worry, I have done it

today”

The two started talking, while Hiruko

said,

“Misaki san, huh, you two used to be quite

close back in the days”

“Ya, Misaki Suzuki, she was my first

friend in this school, a member of disciplinary committee. We used to be very

close, people even mistook us for a couple”

“What about now?”

“Nah, we don’t talk anymore”

“Why?”

“I don’t know….”

“You don’t know, eh”

Meanwhile, 3 boys approached young Shimura,

“Yo Shimura, what’s up, said one of them”

“Ah, it's Yamato, Akira and Hiroto, you

guys are early today…”

“What are you two doing, flirting so early

in the morning“, said Hiroto.

“We were not flirting Hiroto kun, I was

simply asking Shimura kun to do his homework properly”, Misaki replied.

“Well, you always cover for him any way”, Akira

said “You should also cover for us for a change you know, especially for

Yamato, he would have loved it you know?”

“Shut up Akira” said Yamato while

blushing, “Enough of chatting, class will start soon go to your places you

guys”, said Misaki.

“Umm Misaki chan, I brought this for you

“as Yamato handed a chocolate bar to Misaki, “I heard you like this chocolate,

so I brought this for you”

“Hmm, Yamato you know, we too like

chocolates you never gave us, I guess Misaki is special eh…?” said Shimura

“Just shut up idiot”

“Well thanks for the chocolate, Yamato

kun, say Shimura you want to eat it with me?”

“Eh? Why Shi chan?”

“Well, we share stuffs from the start you

know”

“Nah leave it, eat that yourselves, or

Yamato will be sad”

Everyone laughed, while Yamato was visibly

embarrassed. The teacher entered and the class started.

“Those 3 were always with you right?”,

Hiruko asked

“Yes, we were best friends, and Yamato had

a huge crush on Misaki, but his confession got rejected sadly.”

“Ah, I see, You guys still talk?”

“Yamato and Akira are still my best

buddies, my only friends, however Hiroto doesn’t talk anymore”

“I guess you don’t know why though?”

“Right, I don’t”

“Say, why are we watching this day of my

life? This is just a normal day of my school life”

“No, it isn’t”

“Huh?”

“You will see, something important happens

this day.”

Time passed as the two of them kept on

watching, Shimura essentially waiting for what the important event of the day

might be.

Lunch break came by, the guys once again

grouped to talk, when Akira asked,

“Hey, Shi chan you are single right now,

right?”

“What’s with this sudden question?”

“Nah just asking, I mean you look kind of

sad, recently, you're still not over Himeragi san, are you?”

“Eh? I am well over her, that relationship

was never meant to work, that was just an infatuation”

“Then why do you look sad recently? Is it

because Himeragi is dating Haruto right now?”

“Why is that my problem?”

“Well, you two used to be so close, even

teachers knew you guys were best friend”

“Well, we no longer are best friends, but that’s not for Himeragi san though”

“I see, well I think you will soon get a

new girlfriend”

“Who knows, maybe …”

“Or we will search one for you, what do

you guys Say?”

“SURE”, said all of them together.

“Alright, alright, that’s enough.”

The guys kept on talking.

Hiruko asked, “Himeragi san and Haruto kun

huh…”

“Ya, what of them?”

“Tell me the truth, did it really not

matter to you that those two dated?”

“If you mean the fact that those two

started dating, nah that didn’t hurt, however I was honestly disturbed by how

they tried to keep it a secret from me, even though I was his best friend,

although thinking about it now, I don’t know for sure whether we were ever ‘best

friends’, that term is so vague and flimsy”

“I see…, and why you guys were no longer

close? “

“That’s a story for another time, but

anyway, when is this important event you said is going to happen?”

“Patience is a virtue, friend”

“We are not friends”

“You don’t know that yet”

“What?”

“Anyway look”

“What now”

He saw young Shimura walking through the

campus, alone, with a piece of store-bought bread in his hand,

“What, I was just going to my lunch spot,

nothing special?”

“Why didn’t you eat lunch with your best buddies?”

“Nah they generally went to play, I

preferred my lunchtime alone, but never mind that, what of it?”

“Not yet, wait and watch”

As young Shimura walked towards the back

of the school, right around the corner, someone appeared suddenly. They bumped into

each other, and fell.

“Ouch…., I am sorry”

“It’s my bad “, said the girl,

“Here do you see now?”, asked Hiruko

“No way, you meant this day was the day I

met her?”

Love, what a strange thing, a spark, a

fire, a feeling unexplained .I have never once in my life believed in love at

first sight, but what happened that day was well beyond expectations, when I

looked into her playful eyes, I knew it was over, that she is the one, it was

strange to be honest as she helped me get up from the ground, I sat speechless,

staring towards her, butterflies in stomach, mind blank as an open field, but

what started that day affected my life for years to come.

“What do you mean by this Hiruko, why are

you showing her to me?”

“Think, my friend, for this is the end for now”

“Eh, what?”

Suddenly, Shimura woke up, in the very

couch he sat on… It was 8 30 in the morning.

“A dream?”

Shimura kept the sleeping pills away, which

he was still holding on to,

“Gotta go to work”

As he got ready, his phone lit up with a

notification,

“HEY GUYS LETS MEETUP TODAY AFTER WORK, 7:

00, AT MY HOUSE – YAMATO”

Shimura thought to himself, that he

probably won’t go, then he remembered how he said to Hiruko that Yamato and

Akira are probably his only friends.

He took his phone and typed in,

“SURE, SEE YOU GUYS ON 7”

“Where did I go wrong… eh?”, he thought,

“Well anyway”

He took off for work.

As it seems, I haven’t introduced myself

properly yet. Well, my name is Abe Shimura, I am 27 years old, single, working

as a freelance data analyst. Although I am pretty successful, I am not happy.

I suffer from insomnia and depression. Do you ever feel blank? Like a feeling

of void within you? When you feel emotionally tired? When each and everything

feels like a drag, a waste of time and energy? You feel like holing up and

never get out. You don’t meet with anyone, you don’t talk with anyone, you

don’t even feel lonely anymore, you feel empty and just purposeless. That’s how

I have been feeling for the last 9 years, to be precise, after my school life

ended. Why this happened I don’t know, and to add to my problems, for the last few

weeks I am having weird dreams, messing up whatever sleep I am left with. Back

to the present, I am walking towards my friend Yamato’s house, it's almost 7. I

don’t know why I am going though, I never felt like going before, but that

dream last night, do dreams even get this Vivid?

Anyway, I ringed the bell, the door was

opened by Yamato, Yamato Takahashi my classmate, one of the few friends I

am still left with. He is a successful and bestselling author of our country.

“You really came huh”

“Well, I did tell you that I will, didn’t

I?”

“Yeah, you did, and that honestly

surprised me quite a bit, after school ended you suddenly stopped coming to

most of our meetups.”

“Never mind that, I am here now, aren’t

I?”

“And I am happy for it”

“WHOA, YOU ARE HERE”, said a really

surprised Akira, “Finally, how many days have it been?”

“Quite some time”

Akira Inoue, my 2nd friend, a

successful man in restaurant business.“Anyway, you guys going to let me in?”

“Sorry, our bad come in.”

I went in with the two and sat down in the

living room,

“Akira is going to stay tonight; will you

stay too?”

“Nah can’t, got work tomorrow, maybe on a

weekend”

“It’s alright, at least you are here now.”

“Yeah, sorry”

Yamato stood up and went towards kitchen,

probably to bring food and drinks

“So, what’s up with you nowadays? You

alright? Getting enough sleep?” asked Akira.

“Yeah, I am holding up, as of sleep, I am

still an insomniac and recently though….”

“Recently what?”

“Nah, nothing “

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah”

“Well, you still play games?”

“Nah, not anymore”

“Not enough time?”

“Not that, I don’t feel like it anymore”

“How surprising, back in the days you were

an avid gamer, it really sounds weird that you lost the feel for it”

“Hmm, I know”

“What are you guys talking about?” asked

Yamato, he came back with a huge tray of food and drinks, “Am I missing out on something?”

“Nah, I was just asking Shimura if he is

still into gaming”

“Oh, I guess he is not”

“You knew?”

“Nah, just guessed, I mean he changed

quite a lot, he is not what he used to be, am I wrong Shi?”

Its true I changed a lot, I don’t know why

though, I don’t know if the change was called for, but whatever, perhaps I

didn’t care anymore.

“No, you are not wrong, I did change”

“Anyway, want to watch a movie? I have an

excellent one that I was saving up for you guys”, said Yamato

“You are still a movie maniac, aren’t

you?”

“I always will be”

“Right”

After that we watched a movie and talked

for quite some time, it was really nostalgic for us, even for me, it’s been a

long time that I felt this way. Time passed,

“This brings back a lot of memories you

know”, said Yamato

“Right, back in the days when we 3 used to

spend times together”, said Akira

“Yeah, so nostalgic” I remarked.

“Hey, remember the first time Shimura got

drunk?”, asked Akira

“Of course, I do, who will forget that”,

said Yamato

“Come on guys, really?”

“Ehhh? Shi are you embarrassed?”

“Of course, I acted like such an idiot”

“But still, those were the times, good

times”

“Right”

“And you were honest with yourself back

then”

“Eh? What do you mean?”

“Nothing, anyway it’s getting late, Shimura

you should get going, or you will miss the train.”

“Oh, you are right, I should get going”

I got ready to leave after quite a long time,

today I feel peaceful, it was good to meet and talk with the guys.

“Alright, I will be leaving”

“Hey Shi”, I was stopped by Yamato,” Let’s

do this again sometimes, ok?”

“Ok”, I smiled, after a long time.

I reached the station and got in a train,

as I sat down, I remembered Akira’s words. I am not honest to myself. Is this

what is wrong with me? What am I not honest about? I had so many questions, but

almost no answer

As I reached home, I took a bath and got

changed, I wasn’t feeling hungry, so I decided to sleep. I searched for my

Sleeping pills, and sat on the couch. Taking my phone, I opened a picture of us

– me, Akira and Yamato.

“Being Honest with myself, eh…”

At that moment, he appeared again.

“Hello friend”

“WHAT??? HIRUKO???”

“Nice to meet you again”

“So, it wasn’t a dream?”

“I told you right, we were down your

memory lane, back in your past”

“But…this…. Makes no sense”

“Not everything does and not everything

has to, anyway let’s continue, shall we?”

“What do you mean?”

The boy once again kept his hand on my

shoulder and the world around me changed again, this time I was standing in my

school.

“Let’s continue our quest”

“Oh”

“You enjoyed your day, didn’t you?” asked

Hiruko

“What do you mean?”

“With your friends”

“Oh, yeah I did, with my friends”

“And how do you feel?”

“Happy, I guess”

“Hmm, and?”

“And?”

“(sighs), Right, at least you said you

were happy”

“I don’t get it”

“Doesn’t matter, let me show you

something”

“Ok, what are we going to watch today, are

we going to continue what we saw yesterday?”

“We will, but not now”

“Eh? Then?”

“Look you are here”

I saw my younger self walking on the

campus, with my store-bought lunch.

“Yes, what of it? Am I again going to meet

her, is that it?”

“No, this is before all that”

“What?”

“Just watch”

As I saw myself walking in the campus, I

saw 2 familiar faces coming from the opposite side, Haruto and Himeragi san.

They were holding hands and laughing, like a lovey-dovey couple.

“Why exactly are we watching this,

Hiruko?”, I asked in a cold voice

“Be patient, and watch”

I saw that Himeragi has noticed Shimura,

and so he. The three of us stood there in an awkward pause.

“Umm, Shi – chan”, Himeragi san broke the

silence

“AH, if it isn’t Haruto and Himeragi san,

ahhhh, flirting through the campus, don’t worry I won’t disturb you two,

enjoy”, laughed Shimura

“But….”,

“Sorry, please excuse me”, said Shimura

“I’ll be going”

Saying so, Shimura walked past them fast,

as Himeragi kept looking at him. Shimura went to his usual lunch spot, under a

tree behind the school. As I could see tears rolling down his cheeks. My heart

skipped a beat.

“Why Hiruko? Why must we watch this?”

“Why do you think you cried Shimura?”,

said Hiruko, totally ignoring my question.

“I don’t know, probably because I lost two

close friends, that’s why.”

“And what of your feelings for Himeragi?

Were you hurt that Haruto; your best friend started dating her? Is that why you

two stopped being friends any longer?”

“What? No, that wasn’t the case”

“Then”

“I don’t know”

“I see”

Even if I told this to Hiruko, I knew that

some part within me was sad that they did that, but it was true that stopping

being friends with them was an entirely different issue.

“Then why did you stop being friends with

them?”, asked Hiruko

“Because I realized, I was never their

close friends, I was never the part of the group”

As I said those words, I had a flashback

of a memory from my school life. I was sitting alone, Haruto, Himeragi and three

others from the group were chatting, I went on and asked them “Hey, what are

you guys talking about?”

“Sorry, we can’t reveal that”

“Ehh? Why? You guys are acting like this

for quite some time now.”

“It doesn’t matter, please leave us, it's

personal”

“That was rude”, I said, and was beginning

to leave. Then I heard whispers, from them,

“Say Ayane san, wasn’t that a bit too

harsh for you to say to him”, said Himeragi.

“Nah, he was never a part of our group, he

just tagged in with Haruto, and we kept him, he was alone anyway, it was a

kindness what we did to him”

“Yeah, why did you even date him, Himeragi?

Haruto was there even then, you know?”

I couldn’t hear anymore, I ran off. That

day I realized, how fake the word friends were, I knew I was meant to be alone.

I learnt a lot.

The flashback ended in my mind, when

Hiruko asked,” Even, so you thought that, you did find Akira and Yamato right?”

I was visibly surprised, “Wait, did you

just read my thought?”

“Even though you lost your expectation on

friendship, you still had those two, doesn’t that make you feel lucky?”

“Lucky?”

“Come on, Shi, you should be more honest

with yourself.”

What is being more Honest with oneself?

What am I missing? These thoughts make me uneasy. What happened to me? What

went wrong? As I went on my quest, more questions started coming in, will I

ever find their answers?