*Chloe Harris’ POV*

It wasn’t until noon that I realized I had little time to prepare. Waking up became uneasy for me ever since I bought powder from Chad. I couldn’t even stand on my own. I live in a little house in the suburbs of New Jersey. I would say this town is a little messed up but I don’t want myself to add up to the already-messed-up state that it is. But apparently, I already am.

So there, you’re welcome, I’m a part of the messed-uppiness that this town is.

“Chloe. You comin’ or what?” Said my brother Nate Harris who wasn’t obviously so fond of me. I once told him not to worry because the feeling has always been mutual and I got nothing but a black eye… Or purple eye.

“Nate ain’t gonna wait all day for you, hon.” My mother warned me. But here’s the funny thing, my mom acts all bossy and likes to copy all the strict moms of all those successful kids in school but she thinks its her own thing. To be honest, I think she’s just acting like that to make her feel good about herself, something to make her feel like a good caring mom. Even though I know she doesn’t give a damn about me and Nate. She didn’t even notice how high I was. I mean look at me, I look like a ghost and I haven’t even bathed yet. My mom makes me go to school at this state and still thinks of herself as a good mom. Thinking twice would be a great option, Mom.

I go to school and I sit next to Ellie. The nicest person you’ll ever meet. “Hi.” She said to me nicely. She always has this really clean aura, its almost as if she bathes every second of the day its crazy.

I try as much as possible to not disgust her because I am a disgusting human being struggling everyday it honestly annoys me. And I find it even crazier that nobody else notices it, at least I think no one does, or maybe nobody just cares enough to tell me like that. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Nothing really matters. Just listen and focus. I don't want to get attention for looking like an old hag in today's class. So just focus...

Focus...

*Flashback from last night’s party.*

“Vodka?” A tall man just around Nate’s age offered to Chloe. He stood behind the bar and became an acting bartender for the homecoming party.

“Just a little drip. I haven’t had a drink in my life.” Chloe shyly accepts the offer.

“I’m Chad.” He introduced himself and offered her a small glass of vodka.

“Chloe.” She introduced herself.

“I know. You do look like your brother.” Chad says before pulling out a small box, he opens it and reveals a small pile of packets. It was obvious what he was trying to do. “Speaking of which, your brother loved doing transcations with me.” He said to Chloe. “He specifically favored this one.” He picked out the cocaine from the bottom of the pile but Chloe already knew that Nate was into drugs before.

“You know what? My brother’s actually sober.” She updated Chad, but he didn’t take a hint that she wanted to protect Nate from any more drugs.

“Good for him.”

“You do, however, look like you’re not.”

“Not what?”

“Sober.”

“I only took ‘em for the night. It’s a great night to be high. A party to be exact.” He stated his opinion, which made Chloe curious about what it might’ve felt to be high.

In all honesty, Chloe’s always wanted to feel what Nate had experienced in all those missed-out childhood years. She wanted to feel it because he used to say its the one thing that kept him going. “How much for one packet?” She confidently asked, not realizing that she had already downed her third cup of vodka.

“You can get ‘em for free since you’re related to my closest customer and all. Plus its a party. Have fun.” He slid a packet across the counter. “You put ‘em in lines.”

“I’ve seen my brother do it before. I think I can handle it.”

“If you say so.” Chad says before Chloe locks herself up in her room and does her magic.

And the rest was a wild trippy adventure of Chloe rolling and tripping and high-dancing to muffled music from downstairs.

She danced and danced until all she could see was stars and kaleidoscope shapes.

*End of flashback.*

(Chloe stands up in class.)

Teacher: Somethin' wrong, Ms. Harris?

Chloe: Nope--uh... Everything's-- I... I actually really need to go to the bathroom...? If that's alright with you, sir.

Teacher: No problem, Chloe. Move along now.

I don't know what happened, why it happened. I just know I got really high last night. And I thought Chad said he only gave me the right amount. Never thought it would last more than a day in my system.

(Chloe calls Chad on the phone.)

“Chad what the **** did you give me?”

“Not so happy are you? Was that your first time gettin’ high? What’d you think was gonna happen?”

“Very funny, Chad. I thought it was only for the night.”

“Maybe you took more than you could take.”

“The fuck’s that supposed to mean? You better make it up to me later. Meet me at the skate park.”

“Woah now, don’t get all angry at me for something that was totally in your control. Listen, if you didn’t wanna get high as ****, I woulda willingly back out from our transaction.”

“Just meet me there.”

(End of call.)

“Hey Chloe.” Ellie greeted me once more with kindness as she collected some smart-*** books from her locker.

“Hi.”

“You okay?” I know I don’t look okay. I’ve felt it since this morning and it seems like Ellie’s the first one to ever notice.

“Yeah, totally.” If anyone’s good at reading people, It has got to be Ellie. She knows I’m a dumbass liar.

(Ellie pauses for a moment to look at Chloe.)

“Hope you’re not lying to me.”

“Come on, have I ever lied to you?”

“Well… Not exactly every time. But, I know for sure whenever you tell me you’re fine.”

(Claire Johnson opens her locker next to Ellie’s.)

“Better get your stuff ready if you wanna go to class, Chloe.” One thing I’ve always hated about Claire; she’s way too responsible. She acts like a mom around every slacking person she sees. It’s annoying honestly, I don’t know why she can’t bring herself to mind her own business. I mean, she’s doing perfectly fine, why can’t she just focus on that?

Care too much to be Miss Perfect, Claire? You don’t have to boss around people to look like one.

Wish I could have said that to her face but maybe that was just her way of being nice? That’s what people would tell me if I told anyone about how I really felt about Claire Johnson. Sometimes, I rethink about what our guidance counsilor Ms. Nancy Edwards said to us, that sometimes the grudge we hold against someone could mean an inner feeling of jealousy towards them because they have better things.

What if I’m subconsciously jealous of Claire and I just mask it up and make up a reason like she’s too bossy (even if she really is). When in fact, I could be really jealous of her because she’s got it all.

No.

I’m not jealous. I don’t feel anything. I’m just… High. That’s all.

I went straight to the bathroom ten minutes to our second period. I know, that’s stupid. I also know that I should’ve gone to the bathroom like an hour ago or something.

But for some reason, the thought of jealousy really irked me and I couldn’t help but think about Claire. I couldn’t stop thinking about Ms. Nancy Edwards’ quotes about feelings and all.

(Chloe gets panic attacks in the bathroom stall.)

“You okay?” I heard a soft and soothing voice call from outside my cubicle. I tried to stand up but my feet just won’t do its job. My stomach began to turn like crazy and the bathroom lights started twinkling for me. Everything stopped making sense until the girl from outside started knocking softly on the door.

(Chloe throws up on the toilet.)

“Oh..” I heard the girl react from outside and I watched her shoes walk away. I tried my best to compose myself and stand up, knowing fully well that I am doomed for second period. I got out of the cubicle and saw the girl still in the bathroom. “You going out or what?” I asked her, but I honestly didn’t mean it in a rude manner. But I probably still came off as rude. It happens all the time. I don’t intend to, but that’s all I do, I just hurt everyone and I can’t stop it.

“Oh I’m just… I’m pretty lost, you see.” I raised my brow, I couldn’t tell if I was just talking to another one of my hallucinations or if she was just some new student. “I’m new, basically.” She clarified as she took my oblivious signal.

I didn’t really know how to act around her, I’m not really the go-to-person when you’re new here. In fact, I don’t think you’d even like to associate yourself with me as your first friend in your new school. I’d call that a bad idea for you.

“Uh, I’m Rey.” She extended a hand and I was quick to accept it.

I know as an old student I should be the one to assert myself and be more welcoming but now I just feel bad that she’s doing all the asserting and introducing.

Like I said, I am not the go-to-person for new students.

“I’m a Sophomore. A girl told me to find a… Valorie Holloway…?”

She said as she took out a sticky-note paper from her pocket.

“Oh, Valorie.” It was obvious I didn’t like her and I know this Rey girl sensed it.

“Actually, I know someone who can show you around better than Valorie.” I turned my gaze to Claire Johnson, who had just entered the girls’ bathroom. “Aren’t you supposed to be on your second period? Didn’t I tell you to get your stu—“

“Doesn’t matter. This girl— Rey is new here. Go show her around or somethin’.” I told Claire off and left the bathroom without caring at all.

———————————————————————

“So… You okay now, right?”

“Yeah, thanks to that newbie, I think she knocked some sense into me. Like… Literally. She just knocked on the bathroom stall and boom, all the trippy kaleidoscope shit came flooding outta my mouth and to the toilet it went.”

Chad chuckled at how Chloe narrated her experience. He could tell, it was her first time getting high the night before school. “You ever… You ever think you could get through life just by doin’ this?” Chloe asked as Chad was scrambling through his cabinet, looking for the heroin that Chloe came for. “Kinda. But most of the time, I don’t think about life at all. Y’know it adds up to all the other shits you gotta cry about? That’s why I don’t think about it at all.”

“How’s that working for you?”

“It’s aight. I mean… It helps ease up the anxiety but if anything else can help me better than getting life outta my head like that, I’d be willing to accept it.” Chad paused for awhile, thinking about how he just gave Chloe an important piece of advice. One that might change Chloe’s perception of coping mechanisms forever. He sat on the countertop of his small kitchen. “This isn’t the only way. You can try it once, maybe twice or thrice. But you gotta live a life at some point, Chlo. This ain’t gonna be forever for you, you hear?” He gave her a pat on her shoulder before changing his mind and keeping the heroin in his cabinet where he got it from.

Chloe frowned. “So you’re not giving it to me?” A surge of nervousness came running through her veins. “I told you Chlo, this ain’t gonna be forever for you. Sometimes you need to at least get through a day without this.”

“You told me I could take it twice or thrice. Last night was the first time.” She argued with him. “Aight, listen. I might have had some frequent drug transactions with your brother but that doesn’t mean everything will go smoothly with you as well. You’re sixteen, this ain’t gonna be your life alright? It doesn’t have to be.”

Chloe waited for a few seconds before rushing to the cabinet, to which Chad reacted quickly and pulled her away. “You said I could try it again!” Chloe cried out. “But not day after day, Chlo! You tried it last night, and you ain’t gonna try it for the second time today, and the third time tomorrow. You need to take it slow!” He shoved her off to the doorway.

Chad waited for Chloe to calm down before approaching her calmly this time. “You need to try and remember why you took it in the first place.” He tried talking some sense into her but it seems as if Chloe didn’t care about a single thing anymore. “Think about it. For yourself.” He said and shut the door in front of her.

Chloe left the apartment building and skated off to her neighborhood. Nate had been waiting outside the house for her and by the looks of it, Chloe could be in for some trouble as she sensed it.

Nate tossed his cigarette onto the ground and crushed it with his sneakers before following Chloe into the house. “Chad’s been hung up all day.” Nate knew Chloe was friends with Chad because of his homecoming party last night, everyone was there.

Chloe and Chad became real good friends, they had a lot in common. Chloe got high through Chad’s influence. It was her first ‘cool kid’ party and she felt she had to do it.

“I know you and him have been close.”

“How so?” She asked coldly.

“Cause I gave him your number.” Chloe didn’t like where the tone of Nate’s voice was going. She could sense that he was getting suspicious of her connection with Chad. All his life, Nate knew Chloe as the tough and normal kid, he trusted that she would never touch a single line of cocaine in her life but the fact that she became friends with Chad — Nate’s most trusted drug dealer, made him feel weird about it. Nate knew Chloe was going through a rough patch, and he was too.

Despite the cold exterior that Nate displays, he cares deeply about his sister and he doesn’t want her coping mechanism to be the same as his. He doesn’t want her to go partying every night of her life, he doesn’t want her to get high every now and then like he used to before. He was a witness to their parents everlasting dark feud and lack of chemistry with each other. Nate was a teenage boy who had to protect Chloe from the world of their parents. A sick bad world at that.

But when Nate couldn’t hold it anymore, he had to leave everything behind and let the powder take his problems away. It was the moment Chad came into his life and had him forget about Chloe. She had to grow up on her own since then.

“What are you even getting at?” Chloe questioned, finding nothing comprehensible by the way her brother was talking to her like a crazy detective.

“Nothing.” Nate decided he should probably just let the topic go. He didn’t want to raise any more problems with his sister whom he had forgotten to take care of for such a long time. He felt it would be a nasty argument if he happened to unleash his suspicions about Chloe’s friendship with Chad.

Chloe returns to her bedroom and receives a voice message from Chad.

“Sorry about earlier. I can sell you a bit. But I’m not givin’ no more than that, okay? Now I’m not gonna tell you how much I’m giving cause I know you’re gonna be all lion-ed up and growly at me again.” He chuckled, “Anyway, I’ll meet you at the skate park again tomorrow.” Chloe sighed in relief that she was once again given another chance to free her mind in a senseless hallucination trip for tomorrow.

End of Chapter One.