Scrolling through my phone slowly with my hand shaking as tears gently began to roll out of my already painful eyes. Lonely…. sadness…and disappointment, are the only air that I’ve been breathing since the day I moved here with my husband. Well, arranged husband to be cleared.

-why…. why can’t I be replaced with the girl?

- what does she have, and I don’t? …. I am that useless?

Those three questions I have been asking myself from every day of this married.

Trying to smile even though my eyes are now like the waterfall while looking at my arranged husband's pictures with his girlfriend. "They look so cute together" Right... I was the one who came between their way. It was my fault. He got to break up with his girlfriend because of the arranged marriage that our family settling. But. Not long enough. that they started to see each other again, and here leaving me alone every time like a foolish person who fell in love with him since the day, I first put on the wedding gown in front of him. Grabbing my both slender hands up onto my ears, closing it and silently sobbing out the pain that I've been hiding for too long. 1 year. 1 freaking year! That I've never received any kind of love and care from him. Ever

"Love is so painful... It's too painful... Loving someone alone is an unbearable trauma on earth when you know that the person will never feel the same way!"

Holding onto my head covering my ears tightly feeling like the whole world was turned back on me and pushed me off the cliff. How many times? days? months? and years more that I need to suffer from this kind of pain?

-"I had enough! I HAD ENOUGH! Please... I want to stop to feel this way... I want to go back home."

Yes, I had enough. Enough for this bullshit that goes on and, on every day, don't know when or where to stop. I've been getting hurt enough. 1 year of the name as his wife but never got to feel any warmth effect from this man. Looking at the watch on my wrist as I wiped the tears away leaving only some small sobbing my expression. It was around 9 p.m. he probably already left the office... or it could be late than this if he went to see his girlfriend. But surprisingly not long enough after the tears on my face dried by the lonely air swinging around, I suddenly heard the electronic sound of the mansion again gate opening by itself by the recognition of the car.

After days and nights of sleeplessness, I finally got the answer for myself. I need to be honest with him and approach the problem. I have a right to do it, right? I am his official wife and he's, my husband. I need to talk this out to him or else I'll be embraced this kind of sadness for the rest of my life. Fixed my red gaze towards the entrance waiting for my husband to walk in. And after a few seconds, there he was, looking handsomely as always even though he seems a bit tired. I gulped when our stares crashed at each other as he quickly wanted to step away towards the upstairs. So let´s clear everything out today

- Can we talk? just…for a moment…?