Dear whoever is reading my dumb diary...

Are you sure you're supposed to be reading someone else's diary? maybe I told you that you could, so that's okay. But if you are Angeline, I did not give you permission, so stop it. If you are my parents, then yes, I know I am not allowed to call people idiots and dopes or talk about gross bodily functions and all that, but this is a diary, and I didn't actually"say" any of it..I wrote it. And if you punish me for it, then I'll know that you read my diary, which I am not giving you permission to do. Now by the power vested in me, I do promise that everything in this diary is true, or atlest as true as it needs to be.

PS: what kind of animal reads a person's diary, anyway?

PPS: oh! I bet I know. I bet it's one of those big, dirty animals that eventually ends up on a bun with mustard and onions. Hint, hint.

And let's not forget what curiosity did to that cat.....

Dear dumb diary,

Teachers don't fart.

I spend something like 8 months a year, seven hours a day with teachers. If they did, I'd know it. moms do it. dads do it. beagles do it (sometimes so bad that your eyes burn and your lungs might try to escape by jumping out of your mouth).

Anyways, I was thinking about teachers Nd their intestinal gas today in school and that may have prevented me from learning anything. maybe the teachers just need to try harder (To teach me things, that is. not to cut one) Seriously though, it's hard for me to blame teachers. It's probably pretty tough to stand up in front up us normal human beings and try to convince us that the equator is interesting,or that the clothes that the people in wheretheheckistan wear are beautiful. (Fashions in other countries sometimes appear to be based on one person daring another person to wear something in public)

Fortunately, I do have one teacher who I always like: Miss Anderson,my art teacher. she's my BTF, which is like a BFF but it's for teachers. She is pretty enough to be a waitress, and she notices important things like when I create my own private glitter blends. (Currently, I'm using a secret mixture of gold, red and magenta. it's pretty much magnificent)

Art class would be perfect if Angeline (Miss blondy blondwad) wasn't in it. Angeline is not an artist and when she stands next to something, she has a way of making it less pretty by comparison. which, when you think about it, is a form of vandalism that sadly,our legal system has no penalty for yet. oh, did you see? she made the mona Lisa into some weird old lady with no eyebrows at all.