My name is Christabel my friend call me Bella, am 18 years old and I never had a boyfriend in my entire life. Though ofcourse like a normal girl I had crushes n fantasies about my love life but because of what I saw with my parents n girls getting pregnant while young I devoted my life to books and promised myself to have boys when am mature enough not to disappoint my parents.

Am the first born at home and these past few months I have been managing the kids at home. My parents are divorced , dad ain't in the country whereas mum is too scared to come and live with us. But since I have finished school my dad has already planned for me to go and live with uncle in the capital. To be honest even though I have never met him am just excited and thrilled to go to the capital city where everyone praises, the capital is the busiest city in our whole country so full of opportunities for all. Though I still envy my siblings who have gone to live with dad. Tomorrow am also going, uncle Tom is picking me up to push me till my destination since am new to the capital.

next day

I barely slept last night am always excited about traveling to new places. I already prepared for mum to take everything in the house seats, bed and other things. I also said my goodbyes to my neighbors because they are like family after living with us fr three years without crossing each other in a bad way .

Let me call for a ride to take me to the station uncle is waiting for me, I can't be late otherwise we will miss our bus.

Ride: Morning, where can I take you miss?!

me: Morning, I want to go to the bus station and please could you take the fastest route I want to reach on time.

Ride: Sure miss.

Few minutes later

uncle Tom: morning daughter, u made it in time.

me: morning uncle sure I had an alarm on just in case I overslept.

uncle Tom: let's get our seats then, did you talk to your dad

while taking seats

me: yea, yesterday [dad told me to focus on working and saving money]

uncle Tom: how do you feel about this journey

me: excited, kinda feeling grown up and independent already

uncle Tom: hhhhh sure daughter. pats on my back

The rest of the journey we are quiet anyways am sleepy since I woke up early I may as well sleep because we are going to travel for 4 hours.

I can't wait to see what awaits for me where am going I barely know this uncle am going to live with, I really want to see if my cousins are pretty and handsome I wish they are cool too. Life will be fun from now.

After six long hours

Wow here we are off the bus, can't help looking around the area. uncle Tom left to go and look for rides that will take to uncle Charlie's home.

uncle Tom: daughter get in the cab, I will help put your luggage in the back.

me: thanks uncle

Am so nervous, will they like me.

Few minutes later

The cab parked just infront of a hospital, I guess this is where am going to be working.

uncle Tom: hey Osbert this is the new staff that doctor informed you about, please help her get a room.

oh my goodness this guy was at the same school as me.

me: hey Osbert

Osbert: hey Bella

screams in my head aaah he freaking knows my name.

me: you still remember my name!?

Osbert: yea I do, come this way please. let me show you your room.

me: ok thanks

wow this place looks so quiet a clean. the whole place is on a hill so it's never hot and you can see things that are far on other hills too.

Osbert: so this is your room, your bed and here is your roommate Christina, she is a nurse. Christina this is our new new stuff, Christabel we studied from the same school, she's a lab assistant.

me: hey Christina, you can call me Bella

Christina: hey Bella

I hate the introduction parts they are always awkward smiles and all anyways I need to put things in place so fast so that I can meet the other staff members too. I also have to see uncle Tom before he leaves .

minutes later

me: uncle so where's uncle Charlie's house and why isn't he around the hospital

uncle Tom: well your uncle has another hospital in the capital in town.

me: wait so this ain't the capital where we are

uncle Tom: no dear this is just a place near the city. This is hospital here is like a referral for patients who are going to be here for a long time and the hospital in the city is for outpatients and patients who need a bed for few days.

me: wooow so cool, I wonder how the hospital in the city looks like

uncle Tom: That side is so busy you wouldn't believe. so am going I have something I have to do in the capital. Feel at home because you are home this is your new home.ok ?!

me: ok uncle, thanks . bye

Osbert: hey come I show you around

moments later

me: thanks Osbert, I guess I should go to my department and get started.

Osbert: it's nothing as the in-charge and old friend it's the least I can do, make u feel comfortable. also if you need anything look for me.

me: thanks really, I will [wow he is charming ]

Inside the laboratory

me: hey guys am Christabel and this is where I will be working

guy 1: hi am Adrian

Me: Hey Adrian

Guy 2: Am Luca

Me: Hi Luca

Luca: So tell us about you

Me: What do you want to know

Luca: Like where are you from and how old you are.

Before I could answer back Adrian stopped me.

Adrian: You can tell us all about you later for now, we need to get you fed. Am sure you haven't eaten yet as it is just noon.

Me: That's true, thank you Adrian.

As Adrian and Luca led the way all I could do was look around the place and I noticed that there's alot of trees which makes the whole place to have a natural look of nature. I can't help but love it.

Moments later

Wow there house is really nice but I can't show or say it otherwise they will think less of me. I have already greeted everyone that's around but am still nervous, this shouldn't worry me, right?! Am going to get used to them with time this is how it goes for every first.

Adrian: Here's your food, what would you like to drink?!

Me: Anything not water or wine because I don't drink.

Adrian: Right, no one in our family drinks either. Be right back.

How does he expect me to eat all this food. When nervous I barely eat, I better tell him because I hate wasting food.

Adrian: Here, fruit juice. I hope this is ok?!

Me: Sure it is, thanks. Aaah I meant to tell you that uuh this food is alot so maybe I could get a smaller plate if it's ok?!

Adrian: Sure I can do that for you, give me a second.

Even though uncle is rich and they have servants he taught his children to do smaller things for themselves, impressive. Just like dad he hates spoiling kids to the maximum. I wonder why they are so much alike.

In the evening

Well Adrian told me to always have my breakfast, lunch and supper at his home. I better get ready after work and then go.

Adrian: Hey it's getting late, I didn't see you at home so I came to pick you up incase you forgot the way there.

Me: Come on the way to your home is so simple that I could walk there blindfolded. Though thanks for being thoughtful these dogs around are scary.

Adrian: Nah you are just new around but you will get used to them.

Me: Right, but why didn't I see any during day

Adrian: Oh that, they always lock them up during day because of patients.

Me: Mmmh am done, let's go. I guess I should close the lab already.

Adrian: Mmmh.

Am really exhausted I have waited for three hours and neither has uncle or his wife arrived. Am really sleepy, I know it's rude to go without saying hi to any of them because am their responsibility now but I can barely think straight. I will see them tomorrow, hope they don't get offended and think that am ungrateful.

Me: Guys gudnyt, thanks for the meal.

Adrian told me that these dogs are harmless I shouldn't be afraid I learned from movies that animals can sense when people are scared. Crap they are following me, focus where you are going and don't be scared.

Days later

Till now I haven't seen uncle's wife but at least I have seen uncle and talked to him for every morning he does rounds in wards at the hospital.

The thing I love nowadays is waking up in the middle of the night and watch the view down the hill, car lights, few lights from far away houses they are so beautiful for they look like stars. In this moment that's when I start thinking about him. My greatest crush Albert, I think about him alot lately sometimes my imaginations feel so real I end up getting goosebumps all over my skin. Like yesterday, I don't know what went into me while watching the sunset through the window, I could swear I felt his hands on me. I think am going to go crazy if this keeps going on, maybe it's high time I face my feelings towards him hopefully I will get some closure.

Honestly I would like for him to respond to my feelings positively but I ain't stupid. The last time we saw each other was four years back and it's not like we were a thing even back then. Obviously he has someone in his life now, so what am looking for in telling him about my feelings is closure, mmmh just closure.

Damn I deleted his number, maybe my bestie has it. Let me text him and check.

Me: Sup Carl, do you have Albert's number?!

Carl: Him again?! Am really tired ,can't you move on from him. Besides I don't talk to him anymore because he became arrogant. What do you want his number for anyway?!

Me: Come on you guys were close is highschool, can't you work on your differences!? well I think he was arrogant way back in highschool too. And I wonder why you only see it now. There's something I want to ask him.

Carl: Whatever I will send you his contacts when I get it because I nolonger have it either.

Me: Thanks bestie, you are the best. Love you.

Carl: Love you more bunny. Be careful

Me: Mmmh, I will bye

A week later

It's been a week since I poured my heart out to Albert through a long letter. I clearly wrote that I didn't want to change anything just wanted for him to know how I felt towards him. Shouldn't he be over the shock by now and at least said something to me, this suspense is killing me.

I will check later in the evening if he has replied if he hasn't I promise not to check anymore it's like I keep torturing myself.

Evening

It's time, I really pray from the bottom of my heart that I find your reply Albert. Just like in drama movies, as I was counting to three before I could open my eyes, ding. There was Albert's message thump thump, thump thump,thump thump oh my heart.

Crap! he wrote back, why am I so scared!? this is what I wanted, to know, right?! Here goes nothing.

The letter

Hi, am sorry I kept you waiting all this time. I haven't been online in a while. Honestly I was surprised I never thought you had any feelings for me. Am sorry if I had anything to do with you having any feelings for me, it wasn't intentional. I don't even know what to say even after giving it alot of thought and time without sounding like an asshole , but regardless like you requested I need to be truthful to you. I have a girlfriend and she means alot to me, I can't leave her for anything I can think of in this world. I know it's going to be hard to move on because you have liked me fr a long time but I truly pray that you find somebody who will love you and can help you forget your feelings for me. Am really sorry about what you are going through.

Silence

He doesn't like me, he never liked me, he will never like me. What on earth did I expect?!

Just that my heart keeps aching but I think I have taken the news well.

At midnight

Sobs, am I stupid or what why can't I stop reading this stupid letter, it's not like I didn't know that this was the reply I was getting. Am I this naive and stupid or what sobs. Why did I fall for a this guy, I don't think I can move on, I look for him in every guy I pick interest in, he has spoiled all men for me. What do I do, it hurts so much. Can't I just die, this is so unfair sobs.

In the morning

Damnit! my head is killing me, this is what I get for loving a guy so much. Now I understand my mother. But I swear I will never be like my mother, I will move on no matter what or how long it takes and this will be the last guy I will ever love without thinking rationally. I cant have another man to mess up my heart, emotions and my mind this one is enough. I can't think of him without shedding a tear, you are one lucky guy Albert because you will forever be special, my first cut, first heartbreak and my greatest crush.

Two years later

It's been a while since I was transferred to the hospital in the city. I have been having bunches of stupid dates that ended horribly, recently I was dating this guy called Cymon. He had some few traits which reminded me of Albert like his English accent, confidence, jokes and he liked teasing but he was an asshole. A colleague of mine pointed out some things that I hadn't noticed so I decided to trick him with another girl's phone to see where his loyalty lied and guess what, he was playing me so I dumped his ***. Now my current boyfriend wants me to meet his mother which I realized that it wasn't the right thing to do because am not in love with him but now we are already on the way to see her. How did I become like this but just like they say what's broken can't be whole again. Am too broken to make any man happy. After we are back from his home I have to break up with him, he deserves someone who can love him back.

In the evening

I need to be really honest with him, we can never be happy together, with only one of us loving the other .

Me: Hi, your mum is a nice lady.

Max: Yea by the way she liked you.

Me: (smiling nervously)Max there's something I want to tell you.

Max: Am listening dear

Me: I remember the first time we met at campus, you told me how much you liked me and I told you I couldn't date while still schooling. You couldn't take it so you started dodging classes but came back later and said you would wait for me. I appreciate that you have indeed waited for me all this time but just like we agreed that we are trying this relationship out to see whether it will work or not. I don't think this relationship is working for me, am sorry.

Max: ok, so where did I go wrong?!

Me: It's me not you, I can't seem to feel you.

Max: Can we still be friends at least?!

Me: I would like it too

Max: Goodbye

hugs . am really sorry Max I feel horrible for what I have done but after meeting your mother I felt like I was building up false hopes in you. I wish with all my heart for you to get a girl who understands and loves you in ways that I couldn't.

Me: Good bye Max.

Back at work

In these two years that have passed I have grown close with Adrian, I even have a crush on him which is ridiculous considering that we are second cousins. I sometimes wish to myself that he wasn't my brother but maybe then he wouldn't be this kind and sweet towards me like he is now and I wouldn't be loose and unguarded towards him too.

Adrian: How did it go?! Are we getting you married soon?!

Me: Please stop it, I broke up with him.

Adrian: Again?! Now what's wrong with this one.

Me: I kept getting signs that I was in a wrong relationship firstly when he kissed me I wanted to push him away I felt no spark, secondly I was angry the whole time with him, I feel like we are totally different thirdly I felt bad and guilty meeting his mother instead of feeling excited or happy.

Adrian: Come here (hugs) I can't say that I didn't see this coming but I won't make you feel worse than you are no.

Me: Thank you. (he so gets me, what I need and want , where and when,I love his hugs too. I can't love him)