Huh. It really has been like what? seven years? I'm finally back in Chiang Mai. Everything's so... Different yet the same? I wonder if the people are still shit. They probably are. But atleast I can stay in my new room. My house is a small two story house in a normal neighborhood. Nothing out of the ordinary. It's close to my school which is good. Holy shit I can't believe that I'm already a 12th grader. Holy shit.

The only reason why I begged my parents to move back here from Bangkok is because I miss him. I miss Mika. We met back when we were nine or so. I had to move and we lost contact. But I will find him. He was my first crush. I loved him- I still do. I love him. Now that I think about it, he loved me too but we were still young back then so we were never in a serious relationship and I was tok nervous to tell my family that I was inlove wjtb a boy. They know now after my older sister gave me courage by comming out at bisexual to my family. My parents took both of our comming outs well, releived that we weren't as likely to get or get someone pregnant. But god my dad makes shitty jokes every chance he gets and the dad jokes only became more frequent after we came out.

Well, now that I have finally set up my room, I shall admire it's beauty before trying to find Mika. It's quite simple- that's a lie. I have a relativly small bed, a desk, and closet but I set up an entire shelf for art supplies and this to customize my dolls. Speaking of dolls, I have many on display, them sitting on every surface I can find in this small room. A beautiful arrangement. From soft plushies to porceline. But my favorites are my ball jointed dolls. They're ethereal in presentation and make my room look complete. Paired with the fact that my room has old grandma-looking wallpaper, I'd say my room looks perfect. \*\*\*\* anyone who trash talks grandma-esque wallpaper. It looks good and anyone who says otherwise is a peice of shit. Am I joking? Maybe or maybe not.

After basking in the beauty that is my room, I head down to the front door to unlock it. My older sister- Dawn- is no where to be seen. She's probably in her roo. plotting some shit to get back at the now college kids that used to tease her when she was in middle school when we lived here last but I don't really give a shit about that. Who else would've taught me to be petty and cyncical if not for her? Dawn's a peice of shit but so am I. Welp, time to head off. I grab my skateboard and after ajusting my shoulder-length black hair to my left side, I set off to ride around my neighborhood. Mika *has* to still be here. I know it. His family isn't the type to move around and this is the exact same neighborhood. I even reconize some of the poor excuses for people here from my childhood like that bitch Carol who thinks that just because she's older that she can have her way. Even Gold- the friendly doggo- is still here. I wanna give him a treat but I don't have any on me at the moment.

I finally arrive at Mika's house and it looks the same. The car in the garrage is even the same as when we were little. His family still lives here. Excitement rushes through every cubic centimeter of my body as I ring the doorbell to see some of the only people I trust. Mr. and Ms. Ito came out and they smile as soon as they see me. Seems like puberty didn't change my face all that much. "Domino! It's been so long! How have you been, boy?" Asks Mr. Ito and I smile, excited to finally see Mika. "I'm doing well, sir. How have you been?"

"Pretty well. We recently adopted a cat."

"That sounds amazing, sir"

Mrs. Ito then chimes in, saying "Ever the polite boy, Domino. Would you like to come in?"

I nod my head as quickly as I could to the point where I could feel my brain sloshing around in the inside of my skull. I take off my shoes and as I step in, I ask what I thought would be an innocent question. "Mr. and Mrs. Ito? Where is Mika?" Thier faces go from happy smiles to frowns. Panic starts to seep in. They sigh and sit me down at the dinner table. I can remember the first time I ate here with Mika. We were sitting next to eatchother eating omurice. I miss those days. I looks up to see Mr. and Mrs. Ito's expression and as Mr. Ito wipes a stray tear, his wife opens up. "Our son... He passed away a few years ago. We wanted to tell you but we couldn't contact your family. One day, his dissapeared. His body was found in a forrest... After the autopsy... They found out that Mika died at his own valition."

My heart sinks. Mika is dead. He died. He's not here anymore. I slowly stand up and tell Mr. and Mrs. Ito thank you before walking out and skating away to where Mika and I used to play. The playground. It's all overgrown now. Everything is rusted. Why? Why must Mika be dead? Why did he take his own life? Why wasn't I there to help him?! Would me staying by his side have made a difference? If I was with him... He probably would still be here. Is it my fault? It's *my* fault that he's dead, isn't it? It's all my fault.