The Seduction Of The Vicar
Getting a Flock
Thomas
This Village is in the middle of nowhere.
Dave
Dude did you draw the short end of the stick or somthing
Thomas
yeah probably, doesn't help when your Dad is the Bishop seriously I have done everything he wanted and he sends me to some back water village.
Dave
Well I am pretty sure that partying all night and preist hood are not compatible.
Thomas
What I have been an 😇 compared to some.
Dave
Shouldn't you be writing your Sermon to great your new parishioners instead of texting me?
Thomas
Seriously mate I think I can get away with pretty much saying anything as most of the congregation are literally animals. 🐑 brings a different meaning to watching your Flock. How's Rhian doing with out me ?
Thomas
I am hoping sobbing in to her pillow on a nightly basis. At least if she had come this wouldn't be so bad. I have to do this God sent me here for a reason I guess.
Dave
She's not sobbing, but is definitely missing you. She said she will contact you an a few days, as she is busy with her latest gallery showing. City Life.
Thomas
missing it already. Got to go speak soon.
Thomas looks up from his Phone, and see's a parishioner walking towards him. Dotty is an elderly Lady who has lived in the village all her life.
Dotty
Good Afternoon Father, I am Dotty one of the church wardens here in Goshale. Sorry no one was here to greet you this morning but we have been busy with the village fete preparations. we do hope you will come it's this saturday. Our last Vicar used to judge the best cake competition we would appreciate it if you could take on the mantle.
Thomas
Hi Dotty nice to meet you. Please call me Thomas I can't get quite used to the Father yet. And I would love to Judge the Cake competition. sounds exciting.
Thomas Grins Sarcastically
Dotty enthused carries on
Dotty
Oh and Don't Forget your Licensing, there will be refreshments made by the WI following.
A Licencing is basically the welcoming of a new priest.
Thomas
How could I forget it's my very first one. I am so pleased.you are all willing to welcome me to your village.
Dotty
Yes It's our pleasure. Fete on Saturday It starts at 11am. Then licensing on Sunday. The organist will be in touch with you this week. Her name is Ellie, she's a little strange but a good girl.
Thomas
okays dokies see you around Dotty
Thomas lets out a huge sigh, and flumps down on to the pew he swings his legs up on to it and lies down making himself comfortable.
Ellie enters the church, a 20 year old, with long black hair, blue eyes and holding a music book she proceeds to the organ
Ellie
I wonder if any mice have been in the organ today? mmm lets see. Okay Put the volume pedal to open, flick the switch, pull the chanson and flutes stop lets make a noise.
Thomas who had fallen asleep wakes with a start
both are suitably terrified, by the other
Ellie picks up the hymbook and throws it at Thomas
Ellie
away foul spirit, for I am the Holy Maiden of this hear church
the book hits Thomas on his forhead
Thomas
NO NOT A FOUL SPRIT THE NEW VICAR!!!!
Thomas
FOUL SPRITS I ASSUME DON'T BLEED
He picks up the hymn book walks towards Ellie and slams it down on the organ stool
Ellie
Um Sorry but you did come out of nowhere like some ghostly apparition
Thomas
I was taking a nap, Its been a stressful few days.
Thomas
a vicar who is exhausted, or a homless person. pretty good for a nap and it's dry.
Ellie
Fine. But you do appear to be bleeding quite a bit.
Thomas puts his hand to his head looks at the blood then passes out.
Ellie
oops your going to do well in a rural church if you can't handle blood. Suppose I had better get Jane.
Ellie bends over Thomas and pokes him to check if he is still unconscious. gets her phone out and calls Jane.
Ellie
Hi Jane, can you come to the church I just killed the new vicar🤣
Jane
Do I need a spade or a medical bag?
Ellie
better bring both I'm not sure.
The start of his seduction
Thomas
Where am I What happened
Ellie
you fainted at the sight of blood
Thomas
oh yeah your the wailing banshee who threw the hymn book at a defenseless man.
Ellie
your a vicar aren't you supposed to forgive
Thomas
Think it takes a while for assult
Ellie
that's what ypu get for pretending to be a ghost
Thomas
I did no such thing!
Thomas
Uh who are you? not another crazy villager
Jane
I will ignore that comment, as you probably have concussion as well as a gaping wound to your head, our Ellie can't half cause some damage when she wants to. I am Jane by the way, I am a GP and work in the town. I just happen to live here lucky for you.
GP (General Practitioner-doctor)
Jane
right you can't be left alone for a while and since Ellie caused your injury, she can be the one to look after you, I am afraid your stuck together till tomorrow. we need you in tip top shape for Saturday. my cake is the Lemon sponge.
Thomas
Treatment for bribery?
Thomas
Don't know what your laughing at killer
Ellie
Just you. I recon you won't last past a month. you think I bad wait till you meet Alica. She might actually eat you alive. we don't get to many handsome men around here.
Thomas
I don't need looking after, I have work to do I still have to unpack stuff and work on my sermon for next sunday. I am capable of not being having... what was saying
Jane
Okay mr vicar you are not alright, and as Ellie damaged you she has to look after you. You can't be on your own tonight.
Ellie
Well this is going to fun. can i film him if he does somthing stupid
Jane
yes absolutely her after me she is most qualified to deal with you. As well as post mistress, church organist, and seamstress she is a first aider. she knew to call me. trust me the nearest hospital is 2hrs away you really want to be driven there, it would have to be in the back of my old estate car. for two hours then how on earth woild you get back. be a good boy and have ellie stay with you tonight
Ellie
Right then vicar Thomas
Ellie
okay okay vicar just thomas lets get you back to the vicarage.
Thomas
😱 Please Jane not her
Thomas looks at Jane begging, making sad faces and big eyes. Jane just shrugs her shoulders and waves bye to Thomas who is.heing led out of the church by Ellie
Thomas
Fine if you have to come with me thats okay but killer please let go of my hand
Ellie
I don't want you to fall over, Jane will hurt me if you get injured again.
said quietly and submissive
Ellie
How come you have come to this parish?
Thomas
Can we not talk my head is hurting.
Ellie
sure but when you feel better you owe me some questions.
they reach the vicarage door after walking for a while.
Thomas
I can't find my keys I must have left them at the church
Ellie
Dont worry I have a Key
Thomas
You have a key to my house
Ellie
I thought you didn't want to talk
Thomas
ugh your going to leave that key behind when you leave tomorrow understand
Ellie
yeah sure whatever pleases your highness.
Thomas proceeds to the living room where he flops down on to the sofa and lies across it purposely not leaving any room for ellie. and indicating to the wooden chair at the table.
Ellie
nah Its alright I will go and make some tea. how do you take yours?
Thomas
Hello this is Farher Thomas how can I help you?
Rhian
Hey Baby it's me. I have been missing my cuddly wuddly tom tom bear
Rhian
Hey is there some one with you baby? I can call you back if its a God Thingy.
Thomas
no it's okay, it feels good to hear your voice. it's not anyone important.
Rhian
That's good I don't want you to forget about little old me. Shall I tell you what I am wearing. Its so good I might have to send you a picture
Thomas
Send me the pictures don't tease me.
Rhian
You're no man of God are you? your just a Devil, a Dirty devil
Ellie
(full on Laughing)🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Rhian
Tom WHO is with you that sounds like a woman
Thomas
It's no one important
Rhian
Tell your father to yransfer you to a city church and come back home.
Thomas
It doesn't work like that you go where you are told. thats why it's called a calling. I am needed here for now. you should of come with me if your worried.
Rhian
I couldn't live in a country hovel
Ellie holds her nose and parrots back rhians words
Ellie
I couldn't live in a country hovel
Thomas lets out a barely conceled snort of laughter
Rhian
I knew it you have someone there. I Demand to know who is with you put me on speaker phone.
Thomas
Fine Rhian this is Ellie the church organist she tried to kill me today so is paying her penace
Ellie
Hello I am Thomas's Lover should I give him a big kiss for you.
Thomas
No no no she is not anything she just has to stay with me beacuse she gave me concussion
Rhian
I want to see her this church organist. put.me on video chat now.
Thomas
No you will say somthing awfull and then I will have to be nice to her. I just don't want to do that.
Ellie
I'll send you a picture now. not a problem
Thomas
please stop winding my girlfriend up
Ellie grabs Thomas's phone, hangs up on Rhian. she jumps on to Thomas's Lap puts her arm around him and touches her head to his.
Thomas tries to get his phone back and fails. The picture is forgotten about as they find themselves in a compromising position. Ellie reaches out to Thomas pulling him closer she deeply kisses him. He kisses her back
The morning after
Dave
Hey Dude why have I got Rhian moaning to be about some country *****. She is properly having a melt down. your going to have to come home this weekend or I think she will leave you.
Thomas
I have already told her that nothing is going on with Ellie, she is my church organist. I have to talk to her. plus she tried to kill me yesterday She is not someone who means anything to me.
Dave
sorry dude sounds suspect
Thomas
I have also told Rhian several times this morning I can't come home on weekends thats my job🤦♂️ I swear she gets stupider every time. I am a vicar I work sundays it's mandatory.
Dave
yeah I know, she is my sister but she is a little self centered and conceited. But dude sort it out I can't stand her unloading your relationship problems on me.
Thomas
sorry you're caught in the cross hairs. we agreed to try this, she is too stubborn to move hear with me. she doesn't want to get married so what do I do.
Dave
Break it off she'll come running to you
Thomas
yeah your probably right as always.
Dave
I will be down Saturday for your licensing
Thomas
great be nice to see you. need to ask you about somthing I don't want Rhian to know about.
Dave
sure not particularly safe texting anything too personal she will read it.
Thomas
I know thats why I want to talk to you face to face.
Dave
see you Saturday buddy
Thomas puts his phone down, he looks around his bedroom feeling a little groggy, he gets up and walks down the stairs
Thomas
Ah shit your still here
Ellie
Yes I fulfilled my duties as your care giver now what's for breakfast. I think I deserve a reward after the demanding beast you where last night.
Thomas
eh am I missing somthing
Ellie
no I am just teasing you. I'll get going. Jane said she would be comming round to check on you about 11am. It's her week off so that's why she's around. Can you text me the hymns
outside the vicarage she reaches for her phone.
Ellie
Alica can I come round
Alica
yeah sure sweetie what's up
Ellie
I will tell you when I get to you.
Ellie
Ellie sighs choking back the tears and mumbles to herself he doesn't remember last night, nor does he remember me.
Ellie arrives at Alica's house.
Alica
Hey sweetie come on in
Ellie
Thanks chick, I need to talk to someone.
Alica
let me just turf the sproglets out the door, they have to go to school, I swear they just try to miss the bus each time.
GET A MOVE ON YOU LAZY SHITS. I AIN'T IN THE MOOD TO DEAL WITH YOUR CRAP THIS MORNING. 10, 9, 8, 7
two 8 year old boys come running down the stairs. they run and hug ellie blow raspberries at there mum Alica and dive out through the door.
Alica
Right then sweetie, is this a day drinking talk or a chocolate biscuit talk
Alica
Oh shit Honey what happened
Ellie
The New Vicar is him.
Alica
you mean the one you met in college.
Ellie
yeah he doesn't remember me though
Alica
How can he not remember, didn't you say it was an amazing few weeks.
Ellie
Yeah it was, but I suppose Its been 4 years that's a long time. I suppose to him I was easy to forget. I tried to remind him last night but he had forgotten by the time he woke up this morning I don't think I can take the heartbreak again.
Alica
what exactly did you do last night
Alica
you mean you had sex
Ellie
yes ! and it was just like 4 years ago it was passionate and beautiful. I can't even oh sis what do I do.
Ellie
I don't know if I can
Alica
I will give you two weeks if you don't tell him by then I will
Ellie
I hit him with a book yesterday, I thought I was hallucinating, because I felt so lonely.
Alica
Dotty is on her way round, I have guests comming for Saturday. they are from the city a brother and sister apparently. said they are coming for Father Thomas's licensing]
Ellie
oh must be his relatives
Alica
mmm sorry one is saying she is his fiancee.
Ellie
No he's engaged to that woman,
He can't be. He didn't even seam that interested in her.
Alica
well honey he's marrying her. so you need to talk to him.
Alica
wait your going now??
Ellie
yeah I think that's best. I'll loose my nerve otherwise.
Alica
go fast I hear Dotty putting her keys in the Door, if she sees you have been crying you will never escape, go out the back door.
Dotty
Hi Alica I'm here, Alica were are you ?
Alica
In the Kitchen Auntie
Dotty
I thought I heard Ellie?
Alica
No just me talking to myself
Dotty
with two glasses of wine, you are becoming a slush darling.
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