A week after the accident.

"Your highness, it's time."

"Right."

Today is the funeral of my father, uncles and my cousin Danathella. It's bizarre how it was faithed for them to die all at once. And if i was a minute late, Theodor would also have been put in a shrine near the rest of his family.

The Temple is pretty near to my chambers. Yet, it feels so far away from my reach.

I look at the mirror before entering.

God, my eyes are swollen.

"Announcing that her highness princess Valeria Ganfa the daugher of the late prince Philip Ganfa had reached the Temple" declared the royal crier.

I look around. The entire royal family is present. huh... Valentina is late. Or she's not coming. Well, if she doesn't that would screw her image even more. Stubborn as ever.

I sit next to Nathalien and there's still a seat next to me. Valentina's.

"Where's your sister Valeria. How come she's late at such a day!"scolded grandfather.

"Please forgive her punctuality. She probably had something urgent to attend to before coming."

You'd better come Valentina!

"Announcing her highness princess Valentina Ganfa daugher of the late prince Philipe Ganfa."

Finally!!!!!

As usual, emotionless feathers. Her eyes as dark as the night's sky. Her hair up in a long blond ponytale. And she's wearing.... what. I sent her four mourning dresses to choose from. Why is she wearing a suit? And her shoes are slighly dirty.

She'd been in the training yard.

She takes a seat next to me. Not paying attention to the curious judgy eyes.

They all act scared when she reach them. But when she turns her back they all begin punching.

Hypocrites.

"I hope you realise that your late Valentina."said grandfather.

"I beg your pardon your majesty. That won't be repeated." She said coldly.

"Very well. Let the funeral proceed."

The funeral had finished and i had to drag my sister so she could come to the royal gardens with me.

"Why didn't you wear one of the dresses i sent you?". I asked

"Is there a problem with my attire?"she asked back with a bold face.

"It's a funeral and you ought to wear a gown like any other princess. And before i forget, why were you in the training yard before you come to the funeral. Didn't i tell you to rest a couple of days? Well its obvious that my words go trough one ear and out from the other!"i started shouting without realising.

Well she did get on my last nerve and i was going trought a lot lately.

"I'm sorry" she said guilt visible on her face. This is the first emotion that i've caught since before they announced the accident.

Well, now i feel guilty. She didn't have to apologize and she also went trough a lot.

"Don't apologize. I should apologize for shouting at you"

"I got used to your nagging. And you were only stating the truth so don't apologize either."

"I'm only saying that for your own good. The court will eat you alive if they caught a glimpse of imperfection." I said as i took a seat in the gardens' chaire.

"Stop worring about me, sister. I am well aware of my surroundings." She said sitting next to me.

"Soo. I heard prince Charlos will be the next heir. Will you change your mind now and decide to marry him?" I said with a smirk drawn on my face.

She frowned at first then changed her composer quickly and said coldly:

" i shall not marry neither him nor anyone at the moment. You know i don't have time and i'm not ready to give up my title as the president of the castle's army."

"You and your army! I don't undrestand why a princess would want to put herself in danger like you do?"

"Well if you're planning on starting your session of nagging then farewell."

"You always run away when i start talking about it".

Stubborn!!!!

I don't mean that she ought to stop swordmanship. She is indeed a skillful swordman that our country is proud of, and i do support her deed but as her sister i can't help but worry about her especialy that she started leading the royal army in every war lately.

"Where are you going?" I yelled.

" I have an audiance with the vice-president and a couple of paper work."she said before facing me.

"Well, can we at the very least have dinner together. I'll make them cook all your favorite meals."i said with the most convincing tone.

"Nine o'clock?"she said. Still no emotion, well at least she's not angry about my nagging of earlier.

"All right." I said with a smile.

She then turned around and left.

A week after the accident.

From the day i was born, i never felt any kind of affection from my mother.

Well, she is dead and i've never seen or known anything about her.

At least we share an anniversary: The day of my birth and her death.

I never had a ball or a banquet in my birthday. It has always been forbbinden to be happy on that specific day.

I also nerver felt the affection of my father.

He hated the very existence of me.

He thinks i killed the love of his life. That i was the reason which led them to part. That i'll carry my misdeed with me till the day i leave the world.

Well, i guess that's true.

I've spent my entire childhood crying myself to sleep because whenever i try to talk to my father he either ignores or scolds me. Even the servants didn't give me enough respect as i was the forgotten princess. I used to question my very existance. I can't count how many times i tried to end this suffering by ending my life.

But by growing older each day, the pain grew more and more bearble. The more he tries to hurt me the more i got immune. The more the suffring becomes part of my life, the more i let go of the idea to die and the more i get angry.

He doesn't deserve to be a father.

Even when I got the news of his death, I felt nothing. Numb. No tears coming.

It's like all my tears were used up that there's no more coming out.

Maybe he became more of a stranger than a father to me.

Or are you just used to pain?

I couldn't help but hate him even more everytime I see my sister cry secretly at his lost. He did hold her dearly, but I still hope he felt some regret. For everything he did to me. He made me who I am.

I used to practice swordmanship because it made me too tired to stay up all night thinking. Only to find myself drown in its beauty. People normaly won't see any beauty in a sword.

But i saw it.

I felt it.

Therefore, i created an image of myself now. The merciless princess. Or the princess of darkness. Noone knows me and people still make assumptions based on their personal beliefs. Either nobility or commoners. They share the same opinion about me. But none of them dares to face me.

Hypocrites.

Also, Valeria always complains about me leading wars. She knows i am capable but she believes that my life is not valuable enough to me. She thinks i might let myself die in the battlefield.

Well, that's true. She knows me more than anyone. She's also the only family i have. If she didn't exist, i don't think i would have known what Love is. I wouldn't have known how does it feel to be loved and cheriched. She does her best to make it up to me. But she knows that there will always be an angry child beneath me.

Darkness.

It has set her seal upon my soul long ago.

•••

"With the permission of the emperor. You will be leading the army. And you'll follow this strategy. Undrestood?"

"Yes, ma'am." Said the vice-president. I was planning on going myself but after the accident i couldn't leave my sister. I knew she would not permit it.

"Very well."

Someone knocked on the door then opened it.

My secretary. Of course.

I grew accostumed to her manners. She's the only person who knocks and entres without waiting for my permission.

"I apologize for interrupting your meeting but your highness must make haste as you need to prepare for your dinner with princess Valeria."

She also believes she has to remind me of everything i have to do.

"I am quite aware of my dinner with the princess. I also happen to carry a watch with me. So you can take your leave until i ask you to come." I said coldly. I can see her discomfort. Her face is now red so she bowed to hide it.

"All my apologies. I shall take my leave this instant." She said while running to the door.

Pathetic.

"The meeting is concluded. You are dissmissed." I said to Antony-the vice-president.

"As you wish your highness." He said then he opened his mouth to talk again but hesitantly closed it back.

"What is it you wish to say. Speak." I command.

"I wanted to ask if we can practice swordmanship like the old days."he said looking down.

I smiled. For the first time in weeks.

Or is it months?

"Yes we can. I will make time in my scedual for it after you come from the battlefield."

He looked at me shocked at first but then smiled back.

"Thank you your highness."

I left for dinner at nine past thirty. I hope she doesn't nagg about how tardive i became.

I entered the doors of her chambers. She was sitting in the dinning table. Still wearing her black mourning gown. Her head down and her eyes swollen as if she just cried and a frown has set her seal into her angelic face.

Seeing her crying makes all my defenses crumble. She is the only human being that makes me feel something except fury, anger and disgust.

She notices my presence and jerks up quickly.

"Valentina?" Her voice sounded more desperate than ever.

"I'm sorry. I kept you waiting."

"Don't apologize. I got used to your tardiness." She forced a smile so wide that it seemed more of a grimace.

"Take a seat." She montioned to the seat in front of her. The table was full of all my favorite meals like she said. Even the things that she doesn't enjoy eating.

I sit facing her. She calls the servant to start serving us food.

"So what was the meeting about?"

"It was about the coming war with our neighboring kingdoms. They want to take advantage of the death of the crown prince to attack. But i had the perfect strategy to remind them of their place."

"But didn't the duke said he'll handle this matter. Why are you interfering?" She said confused.

"From the beginning i was trying to convince his majesty that war in this case was the only way to end this unconvenience. But the duke insisted on diplomacy. He promised that he would sort things out without the need of any kind of military aid." Realisation hit her and she started frowning.

"But he failed on his duty miserably that the emperor summoned me and requested that i take care of the rest. And so i proposed a war strategy that he approved of."

"So you're leaving for another war right? How could you-" she started but i interrepted

"I'm not."

"What." shocke visible on her feathers.

"That's why i arranged a meeting with Antony. I was merely explaning my strategy so he can follow it. I'm not going anywhere at the moment. I'm not leaving you."i said as i notice her releasing her frown and replace it by tears.

Emotionel as ever.

"I thought you'd leave like you do everytime something happens. You don't have to run sister. I'm with you." She said while leaving her seat and coming to hug me ignoring the eyes watching us. She sensed my discomfort as she dissmissed them so we can be more comfortable.

She then went back to her seat only to start asking millions of questions that i couldn't keep up with until she switched into a serious but worried ton.

"Valentina. There is something that i would like you to explain to me." I raise an eyebrow.

"Which is?"

"Its about Charlos and his proposal." I thought i explained myself enough for her to understand the reason behind my refusal.

"What do you wish to undrestand? I think we already talked about this enough times, didn't we?"

"No we did not. I never had the chance to voice my worries about it." What. What would she be worried about?

"Is there any reason behind your refusal? I mean a real reason."

"I already told you i do not wish to give up my title as-"

"That's not the only reason. Valentina please open up to me. You don't realise how it's becoming harder and harder to read you."

"There is no reason except the one that i already explained."

"Another question."

"Go ahead."

"Is it just him or you do not wish to marry at all."

What is she insinuating to?

"I don't wish to marry at all because in my case i don't need a husband to get a title or money."

"And you don't wish to become empress?" She said. I frown at her not undrestanding what is her point in all these questions.

"No i do not." I answer firmly.

"Why?"

"You want me to explain why i musn't be an empress? Seriously?"

"Yes." She said looking at me straight in the eye. I get myself together, putting on the most emotionless face then i say.

"First, no one can garanty that he will ascend to the throne. You are also a potential heir according to rumors. And, there's six other competitor. Second, even if he becomes the heir, i don't think i have enough ambition to become a ruler. My will in life isn't to serve the people of the empire. I am serving the crown. Maintaining peace. If i become the empress i will bring ruin to the country. And i do not wish to be the reason of its ruin. Not to mention the responsablity of bearing a child as a heir."

"So you think you're incapable of all that."

"I don't think. I am sure. I cannot provide our people with what they need nor can i raise a child properly."

"Did you speak to him about this. I think he has a right to undrestand why you declined his proposal."

"And i think we talked enough about this topic."

"But-"

"If you wish to infuriate me any further proceed with your talking."

She paused, then smiled at me and said.

"I only wish for you to be true to yourself. Seek happiness instead of pushing it."

True to myself?

I frowned confused about what she said. Then realisation hit me. She wants to make sure his feelings aren't mutual. And that's why she was beating around the bush instead of asking the real question.

"I do not love him."

"I just want you to be happy."

"And do you think i should seek happiness even if it goes against logic itself?"

"Of course not. But don't push it when it's granted."

I hate it when she starts lecturing me. Because i know that what she says is always wise and true.

"Yes ma'am." I said sarcasticly with an exagerated bow.

"Stop it!" She laughed and that made me smile.

I also love it when she laugh. I will do everyting just to see her smile.

I never knew a motherly love. Or at least i am uncapable of recalling it. My father and mother held each other dearly. They were the exact meaning of love birds for they were deeply in love. They were planning to give up everything for the sake of their love but faith had another plan.

My father was an illigetimate prince since he's the son of the Emperor and a commoner. He fell in love with a servant and decided to get married secretly. He then baught her a house where he could visit her. She then got pregnant with me, then my other siblings without anyones consent.

After four years of their secret marriage, the former empress discovered it and got rid of my mother. And as members of the royal family, we were brought immediatly to the royal palace.

And even then, my father still managed to protect us from the cruelty of the court and the royalties. He loved us with all his hearth. He used to tell us stories about our mother. How they used to sneek out of the palace and go watch a ballet or a theather. How sweet, gentle and hopefull she was till the last day of her life. She faught for their love but the empress' power was much stronger.

"Love is a strengh. We need to be strong to feel it." This is what she used to say when things went wrong for them. She was a fearless woman even when at her lowest. That's what father loved about her the most.

But after her death, he only has us. Me, Romeo, Leonardo and Danatella. And we only has him. Well, we had him. But not anymore. I couldn't bear the thought of losing him so suddenly that i wanted to end my life. Me and my sister. I wasn't thinking then. Pain consumed me that i couldn't think properly. I felt darkness pulling me deeper than an ocean can. My head was spinning that my vision wasn't clear. I suppose Danatella felt the same as she asked me if we can end this suffering. She then cut her wrists and just when i was about to do the same, Valeria, my cousin bargged in and took the knife from my hand. She was the last thing i saw before darkness chased my sight and then i felt nothing.

She saved my life. If she didn't come i would've been dead two months now. I can never repay her. Not in a lifetime. Not in another life. It's a big deed that it's impossible to repay. I never noticed her. I always thought she was a "royalty". But she was different. She was sweet, crazy, brave and strong. Just like my mother. She enjoyed reading books that makes her cry. She enjoyed morning walks in the gardens. She is everything that makes me imagine how my mother looked like.

She used to be nothing. And now she is everything. I used to not see her. Now i only see her.

How come i never noticed her?

"Informe the princess that i came." I don't know how i found myself infront of her chambers, commanding her guards to summon her for me.

Strange, is it not?

"I'm afraid the princess had long ago left her chambers, your highness."i frown.

"Where to?"

"To the royal gardens, your highness."

"Thank you."

I run to see her. As i enter i find her sitting in a wooden chair. Reading a book, and... crying?

Of course.

She notices my presence so she wipes her faces with her hands and stands up facing me while giving me the brighest and most sincere smile.

"A sad book. Hein?"

"No, it has a good ending. It's just the beginning that's sad."

"How do you know how will it end when you're at the biginning?"

"That's not my first time reading the book." She says as she slighly blush from embarrassment.

"It must be a hearth-catching book that you would read twice."

"It's the third time." She corrects me proudly as i chuckle at her comment.

"May i join you?" I motion to the empty seat next to her.

"Of course, Theodor."she said softly as her voice rings in my head like a simphony. Now that she said my name it's my favorite. I thought i can't love her anymore than this but everytime i hear her voice i fall in love with her as if it's the first time.

I sit next to her as we talk for hours. It felt like an internity. Or was it just a couple of minutes. I can't recall for i lost track of time. I think i finally have a will in this life. Love and cheriche Valeria with all my hearth.

"I heard you don't join the council's meeting anymore. Why is that?" I used to go to please my father, and because i had ambition to change the world. But when he died i felt like some things are meant to remain unchanged. And so i quite going to those meetings.

"I don't think it's my thing. I used to attend to please my father but now i don't need to." She looks at me with worried eyes.

"What?"

"Listen, i want you to always stay true to yourself at all costs."

"I will."

I will. Because she asked. She is my everything and so i will. But why did she feel the need to say that.

I notice that her face is still wet from crying so i offer her my handkersheif.

She took it and wiped under her eyes.

"I'll give it to you when i clean it."

"No, it's yours now."

"No no. I insiste."

"And i insiste back." She giggle as i struggle to keep myself from staring at her.

Beautiful.

"All right then."

"How is your brothers faring. It's been so long since i last saw them."

"They're well. But Leonardo became the swordmanship tutor of newbies in the castle, so we don't see him much as he's all the time at work."

"He works with my sister?"

"I guess so since she's the head of castle's army."

"Well, she works all the time too."she says saddness visible in her feathers.

"She may be a potential heir for her hardwork."

"But she's the head of the military and a very skillful swordman that the country rely on so why would the emperor sacrifies such skilles so for her to be the crown princess."

"As i recall, she is also a good mastermind. Do you happen to know the case with foreigner kingdoms who wanted to attack?"

"Yes i do. The one where the duke failed in his mission."

"Well, yes he did because of a simple misundrestanding. But anyhow, she also handled it well according to the emperor."

"Yes. But even if she might be a potential heir she would refuse. She thinks she isn't fit for ruling."

"Not everyone is fit for ruling so i undrestand her opinion."

"Well, now if you excuse me. I have a meeting with some investors." She says as she gets up.

What i also love about her is that she doesn't rely on anyone to get a fortune. She is now known as the business genius who is becoming the top 1 in the list of businessman and the richest woman in the country.

"Of course. If you want i can see you off."

"No need for that. Have a good day."

She left me with a million thought of how i should become a man worthy of her. She is the future and the light of the kingdom. She's as bright as the sun of noon. But me. I am nothing like that. Quite the opposite indeed.

What should a man like me do to get a woman like her?