...“YOU’LL NEVER UNDERSTAND MY PAIN..! YOU’LL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE EFFECTS EVERYTHING YOU’VE PUT ME THROUGH!”...

That was the last thing I’d ever said to him.

I left shortly after. I was livid, tired, and I wanted nothing to do with him.

I’m like this because of him, the cutting, the constant thoughts of wanting to hurt myself, the constant need for him to be proud of me.

I’ve gone back to ‘visit’ his grave once since I got here.

I usually only ever go back to London to visit my mother’s grave, however.

When I think of him, I can only think of the strong reek of alcohol, the cuts, bruises.. the blood.. the pain.. suicide..

I’m yet to recover, how can I?

I live life behind a faked smile because it’s so hard to.. Express.. my true emotions.

———————————————————

My new brother, Jonathan is well — interesting. He’s quite protective despite coming off as such a soft person.

He’d be excruciatingly clingy if I told him I was being bothered at school.

And Lord Joestar — he treats me like family.. I just feel like I’m getting in the way of their relationship.

That father-son relationship I could never have because of the dark haze I was under most of my life, and right now, the haze still doesn’t seem to be letting up.

...I need to breathe.....

Why am I sad? I don’t have a reason to feel pressured. There’s so much weight on my shoulders.

...Why does it feel like I killed him? It was natural, he died of natural causes.. Dario.. I couldn’t breathe right in your presence.. the reek, the guilt, the pain…...

...I need to breathe…...

It feels like I’ve come under the effects of some illness, but no one can see what’s wrong with me..

“What’s wrong with me? Why do I have this incessant want — need to please people who’ve wronged me? The incessant need to be wanted…”

I’m sick, but no one can see it. It’s almost as if I have an imaginary Illness..

_______________Chapter 2______________

______________-Paralyzed-______________

I’m awakened to a knock on my door.

Mr. Joestar knocks and enters the room as my eyes adjust to the light outside. I notice the look on his face before anything else: sadness, guilt, sympathy..

“Yes Mr. Joestar..?” I see the paper in his hand and I can feel my breathing turn stagnant for a few seconds.

“Dio.. JoJo found this in the dining area. I apologise, but he did read it..”

He holds up the paper and I freeze. I can’t help the tears that fall down my face as I fail to look my adoptive father in the eye.

“S-sir I..” My eyes are screwed shut, I can’t dare to try to look at him in a state such as this.

“Dio..” JoJo is now leaning against my doorframe, arms crossed as he looks at me.

“JoJo..”

I get out of bed, blanket still wrapped around me as I walk over to him, his arms open for an embrace. Collapsing into him, I can feel his arms holding me as my knees weaken. He helps me sit on the floor not breaking the hug.

“J-JoJo..”

That’s all I can say. I can’t move. I can only stare into JoJo’s gaze, his dual colored eyes full of an emotion I can’t read..

“It’s okay, Dio.. Just breathe..”

I-I’m trying JoJo.. I’m trying so hard.. I want to breathe, but I can’t… Please JoJo.. Please help me…

“I-I’m sorry JoJo..”

“Dio, I’m here, just sit, I’ll grab you some tissues and a glass of water..”

JoJo and Mr. Joestar exit the room and I feel my body trying to relax. However that doesn’t last long as I hear rapid tapping against the hardwood grow louder by the second.

Upon seeing the source of the noise, I scoot myself back into a corner and pull the blanket over my head, my heart racing as I feel that damn dog jump on me, ripping a loud scream from my chest.

My world goes silent and time seems to halt. My ears ringing and hot tears running down my face faster than before. Arms locked in an upright position to cover my wide eyed fearful expression. I’m paralyzed.

“DANNY NO!”

JoJo’s voice snaps me back to reality. I feel my body trembling and I hold onto the blanket as if it were a lifeline.

“Father? Could you please remove Danny from the room while I tend to Dio”

The words are faint in my mind and I’m barely able to make them out.

_____________________________________

I feel myself being sat up like some doll as JoJo helps me prepare for school.

I can do somethings alone, but I’m barely helpful with my desperately shaking hands.

I have to but my shirt on by myself.. I struggle with it, but I can’t face him until it’s on.

I splash my face, fix my uniform, and straighten my hair before walking out of my bathroom and grabbing my backpack.

Desperately, I pat my face to try and clear the puffiness around my eyes hoping to hide evidence of my panic attack as JoJo makes his way back upstairs and into my room. I notice red splatters along his pants.

“Breakfast is ready, Dio..” JoJo speaks calmly and makes his way out of the room. I see something in his hand, but I shrug it off as a tie or something.

_____________________________________

As I make my way to the dining area, I can’t help but find myself wondering what was in JoJo’s hand.

It bared an extreme resemblance to Danny’s collar, but I could be wrong.

I just know that I’m tired..

I feel mentally paralyzed right now..

The object in JoJo's hand bared a similar appearance to that of Danny's collar.

If not similar, exactly the same. I'm thinking about so many things at once..

I don't even touch my food, I can't. Too many things make me think of Dario.

Even after a month, it seems he still follows me, even in death. 

JoJo walks in and sits beside me and thanks the servant for his food.

Awkwardly, I stare at my untouched food as I feel his gaze piercing me. 

"You okay, Dio? You haven't touched your food.." 

Slowly, I turn my head to meet his eyes with mine, the glare he shot me sent shivers down my spine in an instant.

But I notice something about the heterochromatic glare: his eyes convey the two seperate sides of his very being..

His green eye shows his gentle compassion on the surface; however, through his blue eye, the cold and serious freezes like a tundra.

A bout of emotion deep down is barricaded by a dark umbra threatening to spill over and destroy his gentle demeanour. It's dark, but far from empty..

"I'm just not hungry.. I'm still trying to recover from my earlier panic attack.."

Part of that statement is truthful: I am still coming down from my panic from earlier, but I'm also very hungry..

Too hungry.. 

Help me jojo.. The smell of the bacon is absolutely sickening to me..

I haven't eaten actual food in so long.. the occasional fruit, but that's it.. 

________________Chapter 4________________

_________________-Never-_________________

I haven’t eaten in so long JoJo… I’m starving…

——————————————————————

I rise from my seat at the table, gently pushing my plate away as I wipe the tears dotting at the corners of my eyes.

JoJo’s piercing glare is still present, like an unseen target on my back.

“We should be making our way to school once you finish your breakfast, JoJ-“

Oh right.. I have to feed Danny..

I make my way over to the pantry and put some dry dog food in Danny’s bowl before whistling for him, a call he’s always obeyed, no matter what. But for some reason, he didn’t come to eat today.

“Danny?” I call out for him verbally, but he doesn't come.

That’s bizarre.. Where’s Danny?

" Danny!" I call out again, but to no avail as the dog fails to obey command.  "That's odd. JoJo?" I turn to the brunette in the room with me.

"Hm?" he looks up from his plate unphased.

"Where's Danny? He's not coming to eat.." 

"I dunno, maybe he's just not hungry. We can just check when we get home," Jonathan shrugs as he goes to place his plate in the sink.

I wish I could hear this Joestar's thoughts. It feels like he's hiding something, but he's so calm.

"You're overthinking Dio, maybe he got out somewhere. Plus, aren't you scared of him? Why do you care so much?"

Damn it, JoJo.. Why do you do this to me?

_________________________________

As we walk into the school building, I feel my nerves shoot through the roof and I feel like I'm being stared at. I bite my tongue as JoJo and I seperate and go to our respective classes.

I feel like I may just pass out from a comination of hunger and fatigue, but I fight through it. Through the sickness almost asphyxiating me.

My legs start to feel heavy as I near my classroom, reaching out to grab the door handle, I nearly made it.

I hit the floor. Then darkness.

_________________________________

I wake up in the nurse's office I think.

JoJo is next to me, a serious glare present in his eyes. He goes to speak.

\-CHAPTER FIVE\-

\-Six Forty Seven\-

Warning! This chapter includes heavy topics: suicidal thoughts, self harm, eating disorders, and self devaluation

I bite my tongue.

That gross time-freezing feeling struck me again.

The futile attempts to breathe in full being repulsively obstructed by an emptiness in my chest and stomach, arousing the need to vomit.

JoJo stares at me and I feel my heartbeat in the pit of my stomach.

Not out of fear like I’m scared, but out of fear that he’s disgusted by me, by what I’ve let myself become. This disgusting waste of a person.

——

I fear that one day, even JoJo will hate me.

One day I’ll fail to convince myself that anyone loves me anymore.

That’s the worst feeling, the emptiness in your heart that you begin to feel after being held under a breathtaking pressure for so long; like you’re being crushed under an inevitable weight..

It’s ironic, but the darkness spreads like wildfire across my brain, thought consuming darkness that arouses the whispers in my mind.

——

Those thoughts arise eventually.

The ones that tell you how little you’re worth and how little you’ll be missed by anyone if you do it.

——

‘Cut again and again until you feel wanted.

Kill yourself!

Do it, no one cares, JoJo doesn’t care, Mr. Joestar doesn’t care.

Maybe if you went through with it, your father would actually be proud of you!’

——

Imagine being coerced into suicide via your own subconscious, JoJo.. Pitiful isn’t it..?

Imagine feeling so small and helpless that your last site for help is calling out for your step brother’s help, but he can’t hear you, your pleas, your begs for mercy from whatever or whoever maybe out there.

Imagine being so far gone that the last thing you remember is the time you woke up: 06:47.

——

I look for JoJo, but I can’t see.

He speaks, but I can’t hear.

Our fingers tangle in a dance that I can’t feel.

I try to scream for him to help, but I can’t speak.

My nose is fine, but I can’t smell.

I bite at something that I can’t taste.

I can’t..

I can’t..

I can’t..

I can’t..

I can’t..

I can’t..

….

\-CHAPTER SIX\-

\-Heart\-Shaped Box\-

"Dio..?"

"Dio, wake up!"

"DIO!"

——

My eyes shoot open at the sound of JoJo's voice.

I look around the room only to realise that I'm no longer in the nurse's office.

It smells oddly clean, but the bright lights in the room are just as blinding as before.

A sickeningly sweet, yet chemical prominent scent is present in the air; though it's faint, I can still smell it.

Floor cleaner, likely Fabuloso— I'd know it anywhere.

——

That gross, nauseating, fruity, flowery, chemical-filled stench of floor cleaner getting closer and drawing into my room like a disgusting air freshener.

Dio repellent.

——

“J-JoJo..? Are you there..?”

My hand is gently grabbed, warm fingers intertwining with my own.

“Yes, I’m here, Dio.. Father is on his way..”

JoJo’s thumb caresses the back of my hand, rubbing gentle circles across my skin. His other hand runs through my hair, massaging my scalp.

“I love you, Dio… I promise to protect you no matter what, never leaving your side ever…

I’ll personally get rid of anyone who tries to separate us or even dare to hurt you..”

Jonathan’s face is strikingly close to my own as we look into each other’s eyes.

I find myself getting so lost in the deep blue oasis, that I barely notice the space closing between us as JoJo presses his lips to mine.

Amateur mouths moving together in an awkward sync, slowly turning more comfortable as the moment continues.

Hands run down my damaged arms, half-lidded eyes staring into each other as JoJo separates from me, a thin strand of salivia still connecting us until JoJo licks it away from my lower lip, his own lip follows.

"I love you, Dio," He repeats through shallow panting, releasing my arms from his gentle grip.

I don't know how to respond.