It's around the time of 90's in the house of Tamang family which is near the border of the nation , at the time of sunrise a girl was born . She was named Sang Tamang by the Lama( it's a tredition among Tamang community that the first name will always be given by buddha's priests in Tamang community) . Just because she was was girl her father's family were not happy at all . Her mother who has already in tough situation got more worse . Because of these her mother has to return to capital (KTM) just in 11th day of giving birth.

And that girl is me , Sang Tamang .Most importantly today is birthday m 6 years old today .

I have a family of six people my Dad ,mother ,big brother who is 7 year older than me , my older sister who is 5 years older than me , me n my small brother who is 5 years smaller than me . All my siblings are fair and have white skin where I have a dark brown skin ( my mother always told me that I got dark skin because she didn't have any object which was given to child for warmth and oil for massage so she always kept me in sun for hours n hours in the hope that I couldn't get caught by cold ) . But to be honest I felt bad about by skin colour. Most of people always comments she so dark ,she is so ugly . But, let it be today is my birthday so m going to enjoy . Who have thought that the day of birthday will start with sadness , today my father went to abroad to work , to earn little bit more money that he could make our family little bit stable . I m desperate to know why he have to go today . ( I know m still child but I love my father I don't want to separated to him ) He left house with smile, tears in eyes n one hand bag of his some clothes n necessities .

After some time , its about to start a new grade I m happy and m also thinking to make some new friends. I picked up my bag n left for school alone . I love moving or roam around alone , I get curious about every little things , I love spending time with my friends n m kinda good at acting sometimes and to go new places . After reaching school i went direct to my class with help of some other students . I did manage to make some friends and like this some months goes on . And one day I went to my sister's class room , I just felt like meeting her ( my big brother, my sister n me we were at same government school) n I asked some one from her class 'do you know my sister Lina m looking for her ' and she took me Infront of my sister and asked her ' Is she is your sister ??' and she ,my sister said ' I don't know her' I felt so dump n leave that room n I can hear her saying 'how can she be my sister she is so dark n look at me how fair I am ' . To be honest this is the first time I felt so discouraged and disappoint I couldn't stop myself crying I went to one corner n cried silently. I didn't felt like telling anyone about it . From this day on I started to maintain my distance with my sister .

After some couple of year we moved out from there to new house which is near our school . This house owner were Hindus and they lived in top floor . Mom took two rooms for rent one is kitchen where my big sis lina and I sleep where as in another room is for my mom n small brother Dorje as for my big brother Bhawasbi he normally stays in my mother's friends house which is 7 miles away from our recent room which we rent . There were other two rooms in same floor as our room where One old grand pa and his two wife , two grand sons live . The older grand son name is Roshan n smaller one name is Rohan . Roshan is a year older then me and his brother Rohan is the same age as my brother, Rohan couldn't speak properly n we usually started to call him 'muse' .

Roshan and I were in same class but I never noticed him before .

It's a new day ,new home n I wish to see new thing but who had thought that from this place m gonna experience the different world where m gonna see my first sexual harassment . Like normally I go to school n spend my times withy friends n during these months I made two close friends Ranju and Anju they both are Tamang too n they were a year older then me at same time I had became kinda a close with Roshan as a friend. Roshan would always try to protect me n share me his bad experience he had suffered from his very young age like 4 or 5 . Everyday Bhawasbi brother n I go to bring water from tap which is around 10 to 11 miles away from our room . After bringing water big brother goes back to mother's friend (Lila aunt )house . It's around the last month the year . One day I found Roshan crying in one corner n I asked him what happened why are you crying huh ? and he replied me saying ' I saw my mother today ' first of all I couldn't understand his talk cause I never heard of his mother n father in these months . He started telling his full story to me . he said ' when I was 5 and half years n my small brother born then my mother run away with other guy n my dad brought another wife n left us to my grandparents and after that they never care about us . Sometimes father came but always curse us and as for mother she never ever came back to see us . And I started to help my grandparents on there tea shop . At least my grandparent take care of us . ' after hearing all this things I felt kind of bad cause sometimes I do tease him n I promised my self that I will be good to him . And next morning he ran away from the house I got scared cause I was the last person he talked with and I thought he might have gone to search his mother I told my mom that he might have gone to search his mother cause he told me yesterday that he saw his mother . After that we all ( roshan's grand parents , my family m neighbors ) Still we couldn't find him .

It's been a day we still don't have any clue where he would be . Suddenly we got a call from unknown person and that person told us that Roshan is with them n they called us to pick him up . His grandfather went instantly to pick him up n brought him back and we got to know that he went to his mother's brother house in the process of searching of his mom . After some hour of bringing him his grandfather suddenly started to beat him really badly I couldn't help him out at that time cause normally I also get pretty bad beating from my mom . I have to bring water and clean the dishes from the age of 7 and I was and I am still a child and do mistakes instead of teaching me my mother always beat me and started to compare me with my big sis or others children which make me more uncomfortable.

After beating Roshan his grandfather went to his shop n I took Roshan to kitchen and apply some medicine and I cooked some noodles and we ate it . Like this our days going on and one day Roshan told me that my sister is in relation ship with neighborhoods Suraj brother . After knowing this that my sister is in relationship I again try to maintain my distance from her but she always write a love letter n I have to deliver to her boyfriend Suraj . In the process of this I got to know Suraj brothers small brother subash who is couple of years older then me but he is kinda sweet towards me . About the time of 6 months they broke up and my sister blame me that because of me she got dump or something like that but I didn't do anything at all but I suddenly remembered that while my sister was flirting with house owner's son Dev i was with subash and I think he saw that and told about this to his brother

After couple of weeks of this insident my sister started to date Dev but I never felt good around him and one they when no one was in home and dev was alone in his shop I went to buy some cookies and he suddenly started to touch my hair and my hand and slowly to my chest I didn't felt good to instead of buying anything I ran away . I don't know what to do whom shall I tell after this Dev always do this kind of things to me n I couldn't tell anyone about it if I do also no one will believe me I started to feel numb n scared . One day it is the second last month of the year my mother send me to my uncles home with the cousin kaju n Dev . Kaju n Dev normally hangout together because of that I didn't like kaju too but I couldn't refuse my mom because of the fear of moms beating . Kaju , Dev and I took the bus to the place called aap ghari and from there on we started travelling by walking . We crossed the 3 mountain in 6 hours it's about the 3 am and we haven't still reached the uncles house and kaju started drink and he took us to me village saying this is our village and this is our house and he knocked the door of that house and it was different village and unknown person house I felt so funny and angry at sand time because m already too tired . And after 3 hour about the 6 am we finally reached the uncles home n this place is called Hayutar .