You know the typical teenage life? That's me. The teenage girl, a bit chubby, a bit cute, leading an absolute dramatic life. The past seventeen years of my life (yes I'm seventeen) have not been easy.

I had my first relationship at the age of of 14. It was the movie type romance story. Kevin. He was a school chocolate boy. And we were a few months strong. I was really happy and then he gave me my biggest scar. He cheated on me. With Amy. She was beautiful as well. And I could see why those events happened but after that, everything changed for me. I was still falling love but I was looking for nobody to keep me happy. I felt people were temporary and my true happiness shall come my way when its the right time.

However if you think I stopped crushing on guys, honey no. My life was drastically effected by 3 guys. Archie, Ray and Davidson.

Archie was aware of my feelings for him. And I was in for a deep fall. However, he never reciprocated my feelings. Always thought of me as a friend, undoubtedly he cared for me but you know how love works, it's bound to hurt in the most beautiful ways.

Archie fell for another girl, not much changed between us but I knew I couldn't have feelings for him anymore.

Rey was pretty different. He was the nerd. The one who never considers the idea of love. I realised I was looking for an ocean in a desert, so I had to give up.

Lastly Davidson. He was amongst the stud and Playboy type guys. We were friends, but as soon as he got to know about my feelings, his attitude rose sky high. He started being a complete jerk, so as my single life tells you, I gave up again.

At the early age of my teen years I had a cliche mindset. To be the too goody shoes. Kind and sweet to all, making momma proud, to be loved and respected by everyone, have the perfect personality. However, reality hit me like a cold wave. I realised that just by being good to some "ladies" and "gentlemen" I was only letting myself look weak to them. It took a good amount of bitches and hoes to become an eye opener for me and technically I was welcomed to the real world with many slaps of reality on my face.

Onto my family, I have one younger sister, a pretty ruthless mother, and sometimes kind sometimes monstrous father. My parents were never satisfied with my performance, be it academics, family issues, financial expenditure or anything that comes to your mind. This criticism and unsatisfactory behavior of my family led me to not have enough amount of fucks to give to practically anyone bothering me. As any other teenager and their parents, I was hit with endless comparisons. At times, they used to compare me to kids who have not even learnt how to write the alphabet in order.

And despite all of that humiliation criticism, I have never once stood up for myself, because it's the way I've been raised. lol.

But after that day, everything changed; me, my attitude, my behavior, my personality.

EVERYTHING. ABOUT. ME. CHANGED.

While I was getting dressed in my room, my mom from the kitchen,

"I don't know why you take so much time in taking bath and getting dressed as if you are suppose to hold fashion show or something in you institution? If you had invested half of it's time to study, you would have become Albert Einstein by now." like seriously mom? Albert Einstein? I'm still seventeen if you remember. And if I start becoming Albert Einstein, he would come back alive and die again by seaing my performance in his field (I'm terrible at physics and maths).

"Mom will you stop sarcastically picking on me in same way you always do. I'm so tired of it already. Either change you style or stop that already." I picked up my bag aggressively and left for the bus stop without listening to my Mom's savage reply to my comment (come on we all have to agree that our moms are more savage then us lol). My sister followed me after few minutes (yes me and my sister go to the same institution).

Today's all classes were boring until I realized about "my first experience" of watching porn that took place yesterday. I pulled Lisa's hand towards me and whispered softly,

"I watched porn yesterday."

Btw Lisa is my best friend, she and I were best friends from 4th grade, actually we are not in the category of bffs anymore. We are family to each other now lol.

"WTH! WHEN DID YA-?" yes you are right Lisa is an idiot, dramatic hoe (still my best friend whom I adore a lot), like who would scream like that in the middle of a boring PHYSICS class? Everyone started looking at us as if we have murdered somebody (even if we did, bitch it's none of your business right? we will take care of the body, we will dig it anywhere we WANT).

I was ligit so embarrassed when our lecturer called us both out and told us to either share the information we were discussing about or we should leave the class on right instinct; I mean how are we suppose to tell that we were about to, we didn't even started, we were ABOUT TO discuss my so-called first experience of watching porn?! So eventually we had leave the class.

In corridors,"Did you seriously watched porn last day? Ohmygod my Sheen have finally grown up." (yes my name is Sheen).

"I know! I was just browsing online and I by mistakely opened this link. Hence I watched Porn yesterday."

We walk down to the cafeteria and grabbed our regular seats. We ordered two plates of noodles and two cold coffee; one with sugar for me and one without sugar for Lisa (yes Lisa believes in maintaining her figure and I'm a lazy fat *, who eats every thing comes to my mind).

"How was it? Did you like it?" Lisa carefully picked up her coffee and took a sip.

"Yeah, I mean it was something new and surprisingly interesting..." I was only concentrating on my noodles.

"Tell me your experience, tell me everything in detail."

I know it is quite 'not-to-talk' talk but this is how we best friends conversate okay.

"So I was I'm my room, I was finding some new Korean dramas to watch and by mistakely opened this link and porn popped up. At first I thought it was wrong to watch it but it already started so I thought that I will watched the starting of it and close it but at the same time my mom came into my room and I was like <*> but my mom came and went as if I'm not in the room, so I was relieved and stated watching the first scene but one scene led to another and I watched the whole film. And you won't believe me Lisa but I went to washroom for like two times while watch the porn. I was scared all the time like what if someone comes in my room or what if I was caught but at the end I completed my first porn lol. "

Lisa literally stoped drinking her coffee and was starering at me.

"So you only went to washroom and didn't did anything? Like seriously nothing?"

"Yeah I only peed while watching porn that's all. "

"Wow, I thought you are all grown up and all but you are still a kid right?"

"It was my first time okay I'll watch it again while doing something and TELL YOU"

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Thoughts:

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."

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Author's note:

I'm a big kdrama and kpop fan.

what is you favorite kdrama?

who is your bias?

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Days went by, and I didn't study for my final exams. Honestly saying, I didn't really care. I was too lazy to think of my grades and what others would think of me. As my exams were almost a month away, I figured I had nothing to do. I went out looking for some snacks. Kitchen counter? Empty. Refrigerator? Nope, empty. Looked like I had to go out and buy myself some midnight snack. I didn't really mind, it was something compulsory. I was about to start my new Korean drama that night, and drama without snacks? Hell no. Everything was fine and then, I didn't expect something like this would ever, ever happen to me.

The market was 2 blocks away, and it wasn't really a big distance so I decided to walk. It was really dark, the roads were so quiet I could hear the wind gushing in my ears and trees shaking as if they were scared of falling. I reached the market, but it was 2 road crossings away. "There are no cars" I thought. My feet started walking towards the destination. I was so lost in the excitement of my new Korean drama that I couldn't see the bright light coming from my left side and boom! I felt a strong force fly me into the air, and as I dropped on the ground with a thud, I could feel every part of me shooting in pain. But my eyes, the stung. As if they were pierced with glass. I couldn't see anything and counting my last seconds of consciousness, I feel into the dark side.

I woke up wishing that it would be my some kind of nightmare but my eyes were taped close. I started to panic, trying to reach out to the nearest thing around me and because I had lost the sense of vision, my other senses became stronger. I focused on my hearing; heart monitor, faded noises of wheels, footsteps, ambulance sirens. Hospital? yes I was at the Hospital. I tried to call out for help hoping of some nurse would attend me. But a sharp pain stung my lower jaw as I opened my mouth just a bit. I realised speaking wasn't an option, so I mumbled. A few minutes later a doctor came in. I was made aware that I had a broken jaw. And when I asked about my eyes, there was a dead silence, I didn't need a word, I know their answer. But after I'm few days a mysterious donor donated his eyes for me as his dying request. I was grateful to him and curious at the same time like we me? who am I to him? and when I asked about the donor, doctors said that the donor's men told that I'll eventually get to know who is the donor is lol I was suspicious but a part of me was also glad that I'll be able to see, so call me selfish but I didn't care whose eyes were they. From that day, it took me 3 weeks to get well and for my jaw to heal. And as I said before, I had my final exams on my head now. Like I ligit have only one week to prepare for my first subject and it was physics.

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Thoughts:

"Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have."

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Author's note:

How was your day?

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