..

So, the actual name of this book should be "Life sucks, you're fucked"

I was not really writing it. But, I am typing now.

The typical depression attacking people. The rate of depression in teenagers nowadays is so high, higher than Bruj Khalifa. I guess I am not infected yet. But, yeah, I might be, really soon.

I am blankly thinking about my future. Hell. My school, exams, job (actually too high thinking) and yeah I am not thinking much about.

Yeah, another thought stuck. I am getting goosebumps because I am going to be jobless, I know, I know, I feel that. But does that make me feel I am useless. Yes, surely.

I sometimes forget that I have to carry a thing called brain. Oh, brain can store billion, trillion GB memory. That shows how useful and vital my brain but I am not.

Eventually, I sometimes get those typical Asian motivational speaker. The one who tries hundred ways to make you feel motivation but their single word is enough for me to fall back into my abyss. Yeah, I don't need your speech. Just go and give to my relatives (snakes of my life).

So, there's nothing my Dad brings without me saying. And there's equally nothing he asks from me. Yeah, but the silence just talks to me.

Yeah, I will get good marks! Fūck no!

I am not a sentimental type but also not a very tough type. I want to be rough. But, just one word and sometimes I flood my whole bed with salty tears. Yeah, I tasted tears and tasted like salt. Likewise, I don't know.

Errbody, Errbody, going forward putting me behind. Why it has to be like this? I better get an answer soon.

"Nobody give fucks so get used to it" Said by some wise man. Maybe I don't know him.

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, Sorry, I couldn't travel both I took the road less used and it made all the difference." Like I see ever person in Instagram only quoting this. Robert Frost, Congratulations

I hear universe is infinity. Trillions and trillions of stars. I am some struggling star. Black hole, asteroids, nebulas, supernova, galaxy and whatsoever, I don't know and I am not liable to know. I hear Theory of Relativity. If you sit with a nice girl for two hours it feels like two minutes but if you sit on a hot stove for two minutes it feels like two hours. That's relativity. So simple, haha. But Newton was a bitçh. He made relativity more complex than my life also. I am speechless. But why the hell am I saying this now? (sighs) I don't know.

I sometimes feel our predecessors life were far better than us. Like we people like to drown in sadness, depression and call whatsoever.

It's not like I am most likely I depressed person. But, I am most likely to get depressed seeing a dog die in a drama. I am not adoring you know.

But yeah, gotta think for my life because no one else gonna do that for me, for you.

****

I am not sulking for things. But, it's a lie and I am not responsible for my lies. I want to be honest.

Happiness, where are you?

Dude, where the hack have you been?

I am probing you. Come soon. You are my desire.

I tried to find happiness in writing a diary but I am too lazy to write in everyday. Even the latest page of my diary is two three months old date.

I am trying to find happiness in books. It's still on duty.

Annoying snakes, Yes my dear relatives.

Exactly when the conversation between you and a gossip aunty starts with "How are your grades? How much did you exactly get" If you grades are shinning enough then you are safe. phew! But if don't then...

The gossip aunties group. When they talk to you, stare at you as if you are a ugly tadpole and when they finally talk a line about you, you become a toad.

A gossip aunty is a middle age women, call it 40 or so, who has blood relations with you but fairly enough that aren't allowed to spit out about our shortcomings and lowering point.

I have seen that enough. And I confirm it honestly.

Topics always in trend in a group of aunties.

1. How were your grades? 2. What is your education qualification? 3. What are you doing now? 4. Talking about someone else's sons and daughters. 5. When will you get married? 6. How are you getting married? 7. Why are you so thin? 8. Oh, you are so pretty. What's your remedy?

I cannot remember more. My brain is blocked, you know.?

Well also I know some other thing is that every aunty was a girl who didn't liked aunties once upon a time. But, yeah, the next change of an aunty might be ours. I am sacred now.

"Roses are red, violates are blue. Life sucks, so duck you. " Yeah, saw it somewhere.

****