We were childhood friends, we grew up next to each other. Even if you were 6 months older than me we were thick as thieves, we were like siblings. Like every child we would hear stories and tales about soulmates, nobody were really sure how it started, but as long as history has been documented they existed. Soul mates were a mark over your heart, stating their name and birthday. This person was that one person right for you. I never knew a person who loved the idea as much as you did. Back then it was cute, cause I thought that person would be me, why wouldn't it be? Childhood friends was one of the sweetest love stories there were, I loved you… And I thought you loved me too, I was your ChimChim, and you were my love.

Your 18th birthday was suppose to be the day, the day you would wake up with my name over your heart, at first you would be surprised and then smile that wide smile of yours. You would realise that I had always been there for you, that I were the one for you. We would wait 6 months, and then your name would be on my heart. It were to be our forever after.

My first clear memory of you was when we were just kids, no more than 7 years old. Your older sister was telling a story, the story of how she met her soulmate. She told us about how surprised she had been so surprised when she had woken up on her birthday with not only a female's name over her chest, but the name of her best friend there. She told us how she fought it in the start, she was straight, no name could change that! But every time she pulled away she could feel the world trying to pull her closer. She told us how it hadn't been pretty. Cassandra had been a year younger than her and had yet to get her mark, she didn't know why your sister was ignoring her. She didn't know they were soulmates, she didn't know anything, just the feeling of her heart being crushed without knowing why. The despair in your sister's eyes as she told the story had been heartbreaking, even as a child you could see how much her soulmate meant to her.

The story had a happy ending, the best stories always did. She ended up giving in to her feelings and confessing, they dated for a year before Cassandra got her mark as well. It was a match. Then 10 years later, they had adopted a little boy. He was the cutest thing ever, we even sometimes got to babysit him, it felt like it was a glimpse into what our future was going to be. I don't have words to describe how much you loved the idea of soulmates, no words could describe it. Both your parents and sister was so happy with their soulmates, you had never seen the dark side of soulmates. I partly blame myself for how it ended, I never told you anything of the darkside. I were suppose to be your soulmate, so I wanted you to believe in it, oh how that turned on me.

I woke up early on the morning of your birthday, I was waiting by the phone, waiting for you to tell me that it was me. When the call finally came it wasn't like I expected, the first words out of your mouth was 

“Jeon Jungkook!” What? No...

Yeah that was it, Jungkook who ever he was your soulmate. I couldn't understand it, I felt the pull that everybody talked about towards you, you were it! I didn't need a stupid mark on my chest to tell me!

I pretended to be happy for you, from his birthday on your chest he was a decent amount younger than you, but you still smiled and started telling stories of how you thought he would be, and how you would meet. My birthday came and went, I knew what it would say, but I didn't feel the happiness and butterflies that I used to feel, I just felt dread.The tattoo was there on my chest in the morning, your name and birthday filling it, telling me that you were the person for me. Sadly I weren’t that person for you. The next week was awkward, for some reason you felt hurt that I wouldn’t show you. I told you that the name was white, that my soul mate had already died, because that was how it felt to me. While you might not have died, my happy ending had.

I couldn’t have told you the truth, you would never have forgiven yourself. You would have blamed yourself for my unhappiness. I also knew you would never give up your idea of happy ever after for me, this Jungkook was already the end for you, I couldn’t destroy it for you. So I accepted it. I would give up my happy ending for yours because that was what love is. You let what you love go, and if it doesn’t come back to you… It was never yours to start with.

As we reached your 21 birthday I started having the tiniest piece of hope, neither of us had seen this ‘Jungkook’ yet, and most people found their soulmate before 21. I hoped you would give up, we were both adults now. You didn’t live in a fantasy world anymore, the problem was. I had helped you build this illusion, I were the course, I always agreed with you. I always build this dream with you. It was and still is my fault, everything that went down is my fault. Of course, since life has it out for me I were the one who found this Jungkook for you, we had a dance class together.

He was everything you wanted and more, I already knew that from the moment I saw him. You always said you loved muscles and strong people, it was what actually inspired me to build up my own strength, and Jungkook definitely had muscles. He was tall as well, a boyish grin showing of his younger age. I couldn’t deny it. He was very attractive, making me feel uncomfortable being close to him, I felt highly aware of my shorter stature and chubby cheeks. You used to always tell me you love me no matter what I looked like, that you loved my chubby cheeks and baby face, that you loved how you didn’t have to lean up to really reach me, but I still felt like I weren’t good enough standing next to your soulmate.

What I did next is the thing I will never forgive myself for doing, I should have done some research on Jungkook, look up what kind of guy he was, I should have made sure he was good enough for you! I never did any of these things, in my mind that wasn’t really the question, the question was… Were I going to tell you? You never really came around in the dance studio, you would not meet Jungkook unless I told you about him. So should I tell you the truth? Or should i keep it to myself? I told you. Of course I did. I wanted you to get your happy ending.

I told you everything about him, how he was a very nice guy he had helped a younger girl who had hurt her foot while dancing, I told you how good looking he were. I told you how good you guys would look together. I fed right into this dream you had. Or was it a nightmare.

At first you were shy, you weren’t sure if you were ready to meet him yet, specially after I showed you a picture of him that I had creepily snapped while he was drying sweat of himself. In the picture his friend Taehyung was half hanging of his shoulder laughing at something Jungkook had said, not seeming to mind the youngers smelling body one bit. It should have been a hint, if not for you then atleast for me, cause post dance sweat is disgusting.

You told me how you weren’t pretty enough for him, I still don’t understand how you could ever think that, for me if anything Jungkook weren’t good enough for you, but then again… I might a little biased. I would always tell you that you were beautiful, and you should never listen to what anybody told you, even if that anybody was your own brain. It took 3 weeks for you to gather enough courage to talk to Jungkook, I promised that I would be close by, mostly cause I wanted to see how it went down. I wanted to watch you get the fairytale ending you always talked about.

When you saw him in the distance you grabbed my arm squeezing it hard “Its him! I can feel it!” You looked a little overwhelmed but I understood. After all it was the feeling I got every time I saw you, I pushed you lightly towards him, “Go get your other half”

It hurt a little seeing you walk over to him, but mostly I were happy. I wanted you to be happy, you meant so much to me. I felt like a watched a real life fairytale come to life as you grabbed his arm, smiling a shy smile. I were to far away to hear what were said, but I knew something was off the second Jungkook moved away from you, why would he do that? Why would he want to be away from his soulmate? Especially the first time he saw you? Taehyung had slung his arms lightly around his shoulder looking at you with his eyes full of pity. I were so confused back then I didn’t understand what was happening. Then I looked at you, I will never be able to probably describe the look in your face, your eyes were always the most expressive part of you, they were always full of warmth that set butterflies loose in my stomach. Now they were dead, it was like you didn’t understand what was going on. Tears were running down your cheeks as you did nothing to stop them, you shook your head as you refused to believe what was told you. You didn’t scream you just cried, words were exchanged between the two males, and Jungkook slowly pulled of his white shirt right, and there it was on his chest… not your name… but Taehyung's.

Taehyung reached out to you, his eyes were wet with unshed tears, he was clearly sorry for you, nobody wanted this for you. But you flinched away from him like he had burned you, and in your head he probably had. Your entire world was falling down around you, you had never thought of a life without a soul mate. If I loved you less I would probably have been happy, I knew I had a chance now. I loved you, no… I still love you even after all these years. I didn’t want this for you. All three of you looked sad, they weren’t bad guys. Which was probably what made this even harder for you, seeing Taehyung cling to Jungkook's arm, the younger still having his shirt clenched in his hand while he kept mumbling what was probably apologies to you.

You didn’t even dry your tears before you turned around and ran… Straight into my arms. You hid your face in my neck. As I felt your tears running down my neck, I couldn’t stop myself from letting a few go as well. This was suppose to be your happy end. Both other males hadn’t moved from their spot, the looked sadly at you before meeting my eyes. They made a hand movement towards you with the unspoken question if you were going to be already. I just shook my head as in I didn’t know and then waved them away. You needed them gone right now, I needed to get you to a place where you could feel safe.

I got you to our shared apartment even if tears were still streaming down your cheeks and your nose was running. It took hours for me to get you to calm down, but as the clock almost hit midnight you finally seemed to have calmed down. You gave me a sad smile and waved me off to my room, you needed to sleep. This should have been a red flag, you always wanted cuddles when you were sad, but I couldn’t refuse you, and I were tired. I went to bed, lightly pecking you on the forehead before going, I told you everything was going to be alright. You just… nodded in a weird way, looking back on it. It was clear you already knew what you were going to do, but I didn’t suspect it… Even if I should have.