You know everybody have different ways to mourn on someone’s reminiscing to whom they have lost,forever,and so do I. People think that when someone they loved is gone, to mourn for them (not particularly loved because you can still live in the same house to with someone you called your own and now are like some stranger with secrets, likewise my mom and dad ) you just cry or feel down every day but , no , you can be happy for someone who died because he or she may or can be too tired or depressed and maybe they have invested theirs elves too much to live on this planet. Sometimes it’s better to let them go coz it’s better than regretting about it and blaming your selfishness and stubbornness to not let them go or better than these blaming your human desires for bringing up the destruction of those shattered people more close. I lost my dad today , maybe not the best but still my dad , I lost him today because of my mom and honestly I’m not a bit of sad because he deserved to be rest in peace and the pain that my mom gave him had already shattered him in the pieces that one couldn’t count up. I know it’s kind of very cold for me to say so but I knew how he laughed like so carefree but he was living like someone with no ambition or aim just living till death takes him up, his mouth curved into a carefree smile but you know eyes never lie . So I just let him go...

One month after the reminisce

Of my dad

I woke up to the sound of my alarm and to my surprise it was raining so hard outside like the clouds were mourning for my lose and the alarm tone was reminding me of the lullabies he used to sing. And how he took best of memories and left me in pieces. I got up from my bed and checked the alarm clock, again, it was four past five in the morning .

I made my way to the bathroom and turning back to see my room as a mess and not even the most dirtiest room didn’t look like that “ uh,what a pain in the *** “. I got inside my bathroom ignoring the thought of cleaning my bedroom and washed my face with cold water and brushed my teeth. I came out of the bathroom and again ignoring the mess and went straight to the closet and took a black hoodie and a pair of socks out. I changed my clothes in like splits of second and got of my bedroom, after the death of my father this house has became silenced like a library because now nobody lives here except me. And it feels like I’m a grumpy old librarian,

I closed the door of my bedroom and walked to the staircase and descended, when I came to a stop at the living room couch, I remembered how dad used to take a nap here while I used to go for a jog in the peak hour of the night and now he’s gone.

I took my attention back and exited my house while putting my face mask on and putting on a headphone and just forget the world while I float in the world of music.

So, yeah , I haven’t introduced myself, Hi , I’m Zeh Bloom , I know my name sounds weird but it is what it is and if my name confuses you that I’m a boy no I’m a girl and I’m like 17 years old and an orphan ( I don’t call my mom my parent ). I’m currently studying at Millennium High as a sophomore and I’m glad people think of me as a weirdo and stay away from me but there has been only one person that has sticked to me since my childhood as a friend is Pierrè , as long as I remember we both were together since the kindergarten, as our parents became friends we’d too and I’m so very grateful to have him as my best friend , you can literally call him my mom and he will gladly accept the title. As we both are students of Humanities, so we are together in the school and after my dad’s death he has been watching over me lately like he carefully choose his words so that I do not get reminded of my dad and always asks me if I have eaten or not or he comes by to check on me but I want him to stop these because he’s also going through a very dark phase with his boyfriend because it’s like 3rd time his shitty boyfriend broke up with him , So , I need him to take care of himself first.

As I took a stop from my jogging to check the time, I took my phone out and it’s screen lighted , it was like six in the morning and a notification from Pierre and school. The message from Pierre read “ Just call me if ya need anything ({ a smiling emoji } ) “ and the one from school read “ Hello students, We guess the breaks were quite good to cheer you all up and passed you the energy of the summer. So the school is going to open up from the next week as the new semester will begin, have a good day “. Hmmm, so peaceful days are going to end soon”, I put my phone back in the pocket and started jogging off to the direction of my house . After a few minutes I got inside my house, I headed towards the kitchen and helped myself with a glass of water and took a seat in one of the seats of dinning table. I just got lost in the rain of questions and that I could not answer by myself and I don’t remember when I passed out in the seat. I got up with my body aching like hell and my snot sticking all over the place, I just got zoned out while being seated and the first question that popped up in my mind was “ How much pain was my father drowning in that it pushed him to sleep forever ? “, and the second one “ Was it because of me that he pushed himself this far ? “. I just couldn’t answer any of those questions then some kind of growling sound came in from none other than my stomach and I checked up my phone to see what is the time , it was eleven in the morning and I haven’t eaten anything since I woke up , So, I got up and headed towards the fridge to fill myself and the first thing I saw when I opened the door was leftover spaghetti from last’s night dinner that Pierre got for me and so I heated it up and ate it.

After washing up the dishes, I headed towards the living room and seated myself in the one of the couches and curled myself in it, just my mind getting reminded of the memories me and my dad created,together. Today I let myself cry out as long as I wanted or I should as I long as I forget all the pain and feelings. After some time of crying out , I straightened myself up and decided to clean the house up. I started with my dads room, I headed up to the bed to fold up the clothes lying on it and the room really smelled like my dad was just here but he wasn’t, I said myself to get everything straight, Zeh , you can do it and after putting some stones on your heart, I cleaned up the room and left and back to the living room , I didn’t have to do much in here just some touching was needed and done. After about 45 minutes I completed all the chores left for me and headed towards the bathroom to take a quick shower. I got inside the bathroom and took my clothes off , standing beneath the shower head I started it off and water came in rushing and running in my body making me surrender myself to it, it felt like it washed away my pain and sins away and I don’t know why it felt so good to have a bath after a long time in a while. I rummaged through a towel and wrapped myself up and got out of the bathroom and took a sit on the corner of the bed, dazed. I was clearly feeling so down a few minutes back and now it feels like it was ages ago and yeah I’ve to sort out my schedule for the next week, these days people won’t let anyone live a peaceful life. I stood up and walked to study room in the house,while still wrapped in a towel, clicked opened the door and got inside and took a seat on the chair and switched on the computer, it lighted up and asked for the password, I didn’t knew it obviously because it was like first time coming up to the study room and top of that switching on the computer, I had some guesses in her head so I tried them one by one and the first one was her father’s name “Charles Bloom” but it was wrong and then again I tried my mother’s name “Hailee Bloom” and again it was wrong and then I tried my name “Zeh Bloom” and another wrong password and the last one was only a rough guess, shouldn’t even say a guess it just popped in my brain and I tried and the computer was unlocked, I broke into tears again because it was so special for me and it reminded me of the good times we spent. And the password was “fifiandsimba” , it was name both of them gave to each other after we came back watching Simba. You know there’s a thing I learned while handling this situation that “ The pain never goes away, it stays but the time heals the wounds it left “, and I think because I never I cried on his death , the stimulation of emotions from that day are kicking in today and that’s ok.

The first day of the New Semester

I got up pretty early today, it was like 5 in the morning and I’ve to get up at like 7. I just stared up at the ceiling for whole damn minute and then a thought pops up in my mind “let’s get going and do some exercise but I’m just too tired because I’d jogged around the whole city, yesterday “. Confused. What to do now ? I cannot fall back to sleep because I’ve slept enough and for working out, my bones have given up and to take a bath might be a good idea but I’m to lazy to do that but I do have to take a bath and then again I started staring at the ceiling and I guess even the ceiling would be feeling uncomfortable because of my stare and “Ahhh”. After having a meaningless conversation with my mind I got and up and literal ran over to my bathroom and took a cold bath, you know east or west cold baths are the BEST. I came out of my bathroom (after drying myself up) and got inside my closet and just stared, and after scanning my whole closet I took a checkered grey shirt with a black t-shirt and a pair of baggy jeans and perfect. Then I checked up the the time it was like 6:50, still early, So I decided to bless myself with some breakfast. I came down and headed towards the kitchen and pulled opened the fridge door and having good STARE at the fridge ( idk why is she having a stare competition since morning), and took some eggs, bread slices and some milk out. I fried the eggs up and toasted the bread and milk you know of course, after platting them up together I took them out on the kitchen table, feasted up and voila never felt that good.

As I helped myself with a good nourishing breakfast and now it was time to hustle up. I got up from the table and headed towards the living room and passing by the room I gave it a lil and glance and made my way to the stairs and ascended. I entered my room and straight headed up inside the closet and changed into the outfit I picked up for school today, and in last I checked up myself in mirror and giving myself a big flashy grin and out my room. Outside the house,on the side walk I was thinking which mode of transportation should I choose today “Bus,cycle, walking or should I take the car”, I frowned deeply and after taking an eternity to decide I choose the bus and headed over the bus stop and in case I miss my bus I checked up the time and I was in fact early today, “Hehe”.As I was walking I got a call from Pierre and I was delighted to answer it but my eyes got hooked onto something and didn’t wanted to wander away from the man who was standing on the opposite side of road in a whole mafia outfit and I should say pulling that thing out better than them, one can see how intimidating and serious he looked and those browns of his eye were literally throwing daggers around and this is also not commonly seen yk. I took a good look at him for atleast 2-3 minutes and then I got my conscious back and I said to myself “No no Zeh you shouldn’t do this “ after telling myself that I looked at the time again it was 7:12 and I can hear the honking the bus and as that a good sight seeing of a handsome lad ends here. I enrolled myself in the bus and got a seat in last second row as the whole thing was filled with people, when I looked outside the bus that lad had vanished in thin air I guess and in the second I thought that I heard the opening sound of the door and that mafia boy was coming in. And to disturb my eyes Pierre’s call came and like last time I cannot avoid it so I picked it up and a voice engulfed with anger came in from the phone “How dare you cut my phone call ! “ , I opened up my mouth to say something but got interrupted and again Pierre said “You didn’t even saw me and I screamed like an idiot to get your attention but you didn’t even bat a eye towards me , Is that how you treat your best friend after meeting him after a whole week ?!!” And then I replied with a guilt in my voice “I’m sorry I didn’t saw you or heard you ....I’m really sorry for that and yeah I will fill my mistake up later “ and he replied “you better do that..humph “. I sighed and said “Now I’ll talk to you later....adios!” And he replied bye and we both hung up the call. I was just staring out the window I don’t know why even though it was all normal things but you know sometimes even these normal things can attract the souls of the people like they’re doing now , but after coming out of house specially in morning feels really good ... it feels my missing piece have been filled up.