Today is the most beautiful day for me because I am gonna marry my best friend. I had a long crush on her since our first meeting. I should be happy that she is gonna be my wife but something can't come right ....I really don't know what I feel now.

The vibes I get with all the decorations and relatives. I suddenly remembered our first meeting.

I was a nerd at school because nobody would want to have a true friendship with me. I feel like I was being used by everyone when I wanted somebody by my side to have lots of fun, travel together, watch cinemas etc... I want to have that Support, pranks of a friend everyone deserves. But every time I get close,I feel betrayed.

Talking about my family, It's a happy family with my parents and I. I was born with full of love and happiness ❣️.when I see my mom and dad..they had the the relationship that everyone would ever want. As everybody needs another persons company as we all grow up.. it's not that we forgot our family or should live our life ourselves... But you have to hold your responsibility for yourself.

Also sometimes something can't be told to our parents. But I am really grateful that they are my parents. Do u get what I mean.... I don't know why I had this much thought this day ... Maybe I feel nervous or scared.

This is why I feel like keeping distance from everybody....until I met her Shreya. We got to know each other in high school. I had found that she was a funny , cute girl until I had to tutor her as the request from her parents. I couldn't say no because her parents and my parents were literally close. She was a clumsy AF 😂, thinking of her at that time made me laugh. At first I felt annoyed by her clumsy ness like

_ every time she solves the question, she makes the same mistakes

- every time we go anywhere , she forgets something.

etc...

But as the time goes on I feel attached to her. i find her clumsy ness sometimes cute or funny. Sometime I would laugh like a foolish person remembering her act 🤣. I didn't know what I got of her until I had to move to a new city. When I told her that I was going to leave after our graduation, she said she looked for herself, I shouldn't worry about her. The high school got us closer that made us the best combination of friends. We had our best days for 2 years.

Everything takes time....it was very hard to understand the feeling I had for her. As I grew I got a lot to see ...... Found that I had been loving her since then..... While remembering our past, I feel like I had a crush on her literally back then only..

As got to marry her. I feel complete. I know that after many years we have met in situations like this.....I know there is a lost connection between us. i know it would take time to make our Marriage like my parents.But I had made up my mind , I would give it all.

Today is my marriage. I don't know what i should feel right now. Should i be happy that i get a chance to start a new life. But the past with full of regrets and pain kills everyone. This made me think that i deserve this or not (to have a fresh start). When i have no emotions left . My wish to gain love , care and attention from others had faded away. I feel like i am an emotionless person.

Thinking about Nicholas. He was a nerd with a handsome face that every girl would want him. Yeah we had a past , that was the only past that made me very happy and satisfied . He would tutor me every time we were together. He was like a teacher that every student hates. I used to be pissed by his over controlling behavior. But after i got to know him better, he was a nice guy who hates to be open to others.

We had the friendly relationship that is rare. we had been best friends after that...but today that friendship or the relation i guess would change to marriage. When i got news that he would be leaving , I felt like I was alone and felt lonely that time was most hard for me to get hold of myself.Until some devastating thing happened in my life.......

This marriage is because my parents asked Nicholas parents for marriage as they like Nicholas very much.They told me he is the guy that they would ever want me to be with. They told me that I would be happy with him.

You know that's not the thing i am worrying about. Will he be happy after he marries me. Will I ever make him happy when I can't even feel my thoughts and feelings myself.. This question has buried me every time.

while the thoughts on... There was sound coming from the door ( shreya be ready , it's time now )my mother called me. I looked at the mirror last time i didn't feel pretty at all but the dresses and jewellery were nice , it seemed like I was not beautiful here.

Then my mom came inside and saw me she was like she saw some ghost or something. She was shocked. the feeling I had become more and more shiver....until she said you looked very pretty Shreya.. She told me I looked pretty...I don't really get it I am looking pretty... I feel more and more terrified.

Then she said don't worry about your past, he will make me overcome it. I feel like she had more confidence in Nicholas than me to change myself.. I thought how they could think like that.... I feel so confused...

it's time to walk in the aisle with dad. My dad told me to calm by patting my hand ( indicating It will be alright ...It's really okay).I feel myself claiming down instantly. This situation made me think that if our parents had any magic or something because they always caught us off guard.

I don't have any nerve to see his face . But when we came near and near I looked at him gently . He looked literally very handsome in that black tuxedo. If not for my condition,I would definitely fall for him. Then he came towards us ,he took my hand gently and kissed it ( indicating that he would take care of me for a lifetime). That was the time I felt I was fullest or something. The feeling was like eating a full plate of favorite food after a long time of diet...