it's morning already I smiled "today is also going to be wonderful (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)" I woke up did my morning routine went to school but in front of my class I wasn't shaking I thought *don't worry you can do it don't forget today is also going to be wonderful* even so I chuckled bitterly like it was saying 'drop your fantasy ' still I opened my class door and in seconds I was wet.

I shouted "ahhh " my classmate were laughing even my teacher was laughing to instant of scolding my classmate she shouted at me 'why are late go and stand outside and after class clean this whole class'.

what can I say I just nodded and did what she told me everyone were laughing at me no one stand up for me but who I am kidding this world is cruel I have to stand up for myself but I don't have power but I swear one day they will be under my feet that's what I thought but don't know if I will be able to do it or not then I again smiled bitterly.

I was cleaning and there is a girl named Emily she stand in front of me and smirked her was was like 'you are right were you belong ' I didn't said anything I just don't feel like it then her gang also came they started to look at me like garbage.

'then emily said: you truly are were you belong pfff ' I clenched my hand what can possibly do she is role model in our school even teacher praise her she is good in almost everything sometimes I do envy her why I am not like her mostly my thoughts were like why I am not talented like her why I am not beautiful life her why I can't have confidence like her why I can't stand up for myself like her why why why...

'let's go girls I don't feel like seeing garbage ' all laughed and went away I was like who wants you see I do admire her for her talent but her personality it's sucks I finished my cleaning.

"finally now I can go home " I smiled slightly

I am dead tired I don't have any energy to do anything but looks like even god is not on my side my so called classmates spilled dirty water on floor.

'pffff hahahah ' all laughed and went away.

I sighed helplessly and again started cleaning my body is aching I really wanna cry but even my tears are dry now I smiled "don't worry just smile everything is okay nothing happened you can do it ".

"yes good you are doing great" but who am I kidding I put this act on and pretend that everything is okay when I'm dying inside I just want someone whom can hug me I just finished my cleaning I can finally go my whole body is paining I left.

then I finished my part time job with my fake smile even though I was in pain nobody suspect my whole body is just about to collapse but I still put up this smile and finished my work it just a small bakery but still I like to work here my boss is kind not like others I finished my work and left from there.

finally I am home I just collapsed in bed I have nothing to eat I didn't had anything from morning but I am so hungry with little bit of energy I looked in my house if there is something I can eat luckily my boss had given me some bread I was so happy atleast I can eat something.

I ate like hungry beast what can I do my whole salary is for rent and school I am really pathetic.

I laid in bed finally I can put off this fake smile mask "hic.. hic.. hic why why my life is like this" finally I can cry I can complain night was so cold and dark I was shaking but for me it was like it's comforting me like you are not alone we are here for you and like my pillow was saying cry as much as you want I will wipe it for you it was like they all were saying cry as much as you want we will listen quietly all your sobbing.

I cried "why I am alone hic.. why I am lonely why am I not lovable hic... why can't I have childhood like other kids hic.. why my parents leave me hic.. what I did is being girl is my mistake why why why...." I have so many why but not a single answer.

people are afraid of dark but for me it's like peace it's so comforting why cause it never judge me never complain never looked at me like I am trash I never felt like I have to be fake here.

I cry but still it never said my voice is annoying it listen to my every sobbing like a mother.

it was dark and cold but still I smiled bitterly and drifted in my sleep.....

...----------------...

"Huh" it's morning already I smiled bitterly and said "today is also going to wonderful " and I stand up and did my usual routine and went to school.

I was walking in corridor the suddenly someone dumped into me "ahh" then looked up to my surprise it was emily I immediately said "I.i am s.sorry I.i.i..." she cut me off me with a slap 'then said know your place wench gosh now I have to bath' then she wiped her hand with hanchey her face clearly was like damn I touched a smelly garbage and she went away while her gang were mockingly laughing at me and went with her.

I stand up and went to class I opened the door and my teacher slapped me my face was swallowed and then she said 'how dare you push emily you wench ' huh me but when I was going to say this suddenly emily looked at me like even if you say no one will believe you why waste energy I thought she is true though I smiled bitterly and my teacher again slapped me and said 'you have nerve to still smile ' then emily said with a pitiful face 'teacher I am used to it so please don't punish her' but to me it was like punish her hard and send her away so I can't see her garbage face.

my classmate started murmuring 'emily is such an angel how can she be so evil to push her' then my teacher glared at me and said 'for one month you will clean whole school and no lunch in cafeteria now go and start your cleaning ' I went away from there.

My body is still aching and I have clean whole school and I didn't had my breakfast but what can I do I started cleaning everyone just laughed at me and made fun of me tear paper everywhere even after I cleaned there no one pitted me I really wanted to cry but I just smiled and did my work.

it was evening already and my whole body is paining I am all alone in whole school then I looked outside the window

I chuckled slightly and said " how peaceful " outside is looking so pretty I wish I can be free like those birds after a little bit I came out of my fantasy and finished my cleaning my whole body was paining but what can I do I also have to finish my job after finishing this all so I immediately went there.

As usual my body is aching but I have to smile I can't let my emotions get over me so I smiled and finished my work my boss called me and said 'child take this bread and here your salary ' I smiled and said "t.thank you " she then asked me something with conserned look 'child why you face is swallow' I paused I forced myself to smile and said "n.nothing I fell down in school you don't have to w.worry" she sighed and said 'be careful okay here apley it okay ' .

"i.i am fine you don't have to give me.." she cut me and said 'i insist so take it okay ' I smiled and take it then she smiled and petted my head 'good girl ' it's so worm I thanked her and left from there.

finally I am home I am so hungry so I immediately started eating those bread

"s.so delicious " I finished eating and plopped in bed it was not but still I feel comfortable but my whole body was paining finally I can stop smiling atleast I can be in peace here I just thought when will this pain will go away I am just too tired I just want to sleep in this dark then no one will hurt me.

but I can't my boss is only one who is nice to me but she is all alone and she is sick to I don't want to leave her after all she is the only one who looks at me like I am human not a garbage so for her I will smile and this pain is nothing but to my surprise I didn't cried today yes I will never cry and like this I slept through I like this darkness like it's hugging me and saying just sleep I am here I will not judge you so be you.

how comforting I just wish I can be like this my whole life so peaceful but just my wishful thinking I smile everyday but who will guess I am so broken inside....

......................

I slowly moved my eyes in sleepy voice I said "ah it's morning again it's going to be wond.." I pressed my lips then "...erful day" I chuckled bitterly then I stand up did my usual routine and went to school.

ah I forgot to introduce myself right myself Jemisha I am 13 year old right now after two months I will be 14 I live alone.

why alone....?

well when I was not only child of my parents I have two big brother and one little sister I will not lie she is adorable I am third child of my parents but she my sister born my parents forget my existence I bet they don't even remember how I looked my family is rich but to make my brother life easier my parents worked hard so after giving birth to me my mother left for business trip so I was taken care by my nanny they all forget my existence even maid bullied me I just some love but my fate.

when my little sister was born everything was settled and unlike me she was adorable so all of them cared about only her when I try to approach them they always thought I am some maid child causing trouble so they always beat me eventually with I started to understand they don't need me but I was thankful atleast they atleast gave me life but what the use of it if you wanted to forget me you just have killed me.

when I was 7 year old my nanny died because of illness and so my existence so I left that place and started doing jod cause I don't want to live in there shadow wich is completely cold and empty.

I struggled to live but I never gave up why...?

when my nanny waa alive she cared about me atleast with her I didn't felt cold but when I see my existence is useless I asked my nanny "why gave me life" after hearing this my nanny looked at me s like I am so pitiful I said to her "I have no reason to be alive wh..."

she hugged me and said 'you want reason then smile and for me live ' she smiled I cried and nodded.

so for her I never give up on my life I lived even my heart was breaking my body was giving up I smiled and continued .

like usual I started cleaning after I reached my school I am just too tired but just at a little more just a little more like this I am cleaning cause I don't know when I will collapse like this I finished my cleaning and left from there it was evening by now.

I stopped and inhaled this fresh air and "so pretty " will I ever be free like this Birds I just stand there and chuckled bitterly and admired how pretty it's looking "huh I am late I should go " I started running.

finally I reached" huff huff.." my boss came 'take it easy child here have some water ' I pressed my lips and said "i.i huff" she cut me and said 'it's okay come inside ' she smiled I also smiled at her I went inside finished my work and went to my room.

finally I can rest thanks to my boss granny atleast I can have one meal so I am not starve to death today she made soup for me it was delicious for me it was the best soup in my life and I am also full looks like I will sleep peacefully today.

"Huh it's raining it's small like wet soil how refreshing " I smiled lightly.

......................