I wake up in the morning doing something, phoenix chat me,phoenix is my bf where happy in are relationship but phoenix want to fulfill his dream i fully support him for that.

Phoenix chat me and said he passed the audition.

I was really happy for him but I'm also worried i'm a kpop stan so i know what's happening in industry of kpop, i understand him so much that's why i support him he want to fulfill his dream.

and i chat him saying,"Congrats my love!! I know you make it!!"

and then he replay"hihi thank u lovee i'm gonna treat you dinner later!!"

i reply," no need i'm suppose to treat you dinner because you pass!!"

He reply"Oki!! Iloveyouuu mwaa"

I reply"iloveyoutoo"

He reply"where is my kiss😠"

I laugh at him he so cute

and then i reply"i give you a lot of kiss later😆"

He reply"yeyy bye see you later lovee"

"see youu"

I can't tell him about my feelings now.

I don't want him to give up his dreams for me just because i'm worried. But i'm really scared

"Hi lovee"

"where are we going to meet up?"

I chat at him but he's not replying."what if he found another?" "what if he's gonna leave me?"

I'm overthinker that's why i hate myself.

But phoenix make me feel love myself.

I love him the way he is, i love him for being his self but,i'm scared for are relationship.

And its been 2 weeks.

he don't reply to me.

I hate myself i really am.

maybe i'm not good enough that he don't reply anymore?.

Phoenix please reply. Thinking while crying

i already contact his family friend's but they don't know where he is.

I only have one thing on my mind,"phoenix please be safe"

"phoenix where are you?"

mumble, shaking and scared of losing you.

after 5 months.

I became depresses,heartbroken and sui***cal

Phoenix is my life,home and my savor.

My friend chat me, and send me an link.

I see phoenix. I was shaking in shock and thinking "is he okay? Where he is?".

And i hear his speech.

"hi we are bluebox!! Thank u for supporting us for are debut, we love u guys so much i hope you support as in the end"

I was crying for what i saw.

I feel betrayed but happy at the same time because he fulfill his dream.

I was mad at him.

i chat him saying"phoenix why." "WHY?"

" I HATE YOU SO MUCH" and i cry in 5hours i fell asleep because i cry.

I love him so much? Why did he do that??WHY

Cedric chat me saying"are you okay?" "want me to comeover?"

I reply to him"no need i want to be alone."

He reply"okay"