Hi,I am takumi nakamura 18years old, student in kanagawa high school

my family and friendship life is so small ,and love life extremely complicated

I used to think relationships are so beautiful, it means alot to us because there are only few people who can make you feel, your living is worthy but in the current society I am living changed my opinions on relationships

1)FAMILY.....

this word itself is full of love and warmth but you know

"words cant describe human nature

my father is workaholic, and my mother is so busy with house work and she takes care of family business and my younger brother. my family barely spends time with us ,and if he spends more time with us, he will only talk About ,career, savings and being mature.

my mother : same talk with me because, I am elder

my brother: in his own world

sometimes I feel like, I am abandoned by my own family

They never asked me about ...How are you doing? Is everything fine?

the words that every child expects from his family members.

iam always jealous of my brother because he is younger,he got everything, love, toys and my parents love

I felt like I lost my hopes then I always used to thought I have depression because of this ,I want to scream and shout and want to tell my parents that I am suffering for your love ,but every time my words failed to reach them

it took me so long to realize that I am alive physically but I am invisible mentally

finally I changed myself, I am not the same anymore ,I made myself alone ,my family never seen that change in me ,

I wish they have seen through me.... I know so many people have similar experiences like this

I finally started to blame society, because I tried of blaming myself for not being good enough

and finally I told myself

SOCIETY CHANGED ME AND MY PARENTS AND MADE US LIVE APART MENTALLY

Friendship

"A ship that saves us from the sea of loneliness"

I used to have few friends in middle school, because of my trust issues and mainly because of my family.. only 2 people remained in the end..

yukihara ( my best friend)

Mike (my good friend)

although I am super close with yuki, my feelings are always understood by mike but I never cared about him as much as I cared about yuki..

its spring season we made plan to hangout and I am so happy because my family has no time for me ,atleast my friends does..

I waited at bustand, mike came with some snacks and drinks,we were waiting for yuki after half an hour

...yuki arrived with his girlfriend...I am shocked, I know for my friend I should feel happy but I felt sad because I thought he will ignore me,

seeing me like this ,mike comforted me but still my depressed brain felt upset.

..finally I overcome the feeling...and greeted her

she told me hi and then she told me that..

'hey takumi can I have ur friend today

I am unable to reject, so i said YES..after that yuki went with her.

mike actually tried so hard to make me smile but I am unable to laugh and I cancelled the program and went home..at that moment I ignored mike feelings

then days passed so fastly..I felt the distance between me and yuki increasing day by day.

finally the day arrived ,where I directly told yuki that he should breakup with her ,

He asked me Why " I told him that our distance is increasing because of her "

then he told me the words ,that are never forgotten,

it's not her 'it's you and your thoughts which creating distance between us' My heart broken into pieces

I told him 'ok' its because of me .so ..GOODBYE, I wished him a happy life ,and told him I hope we will never see each other.

I saw him being sad ..but he his just like .it's ok

mike tried to comfort me but I am so sad that i am unable to smile

I went home where again my loneliness,pain and thoughts surrounded me

I went to my room,and seeing at the sky from the window and I finally realized

....Fri-end-"SHIP"...

sometimes It is the reason why we sink in the sea of Loneliness

The feeling that you cant explain ,The feeling you cant overcome

A unknown warmth ....

.....LOVE NEVER CHEAT YOU,BUT PEOPLE DOES.....

After losing yuki ,I felt alone all the time ,even mike is still here,he is unable to recover yuki place

days passed, one day suddenly ,I bumped into someone ..

my thoughts like "SHE IS BEAUTIFUL " then suddenly I came into reality, I said sorry to her ....I don't know this sorry is going to be one of the painful chapter of my life

I went to my class after that ,and my teacher came but today something new is happened

my teacher called someone "SAKURA"

She entered into class ,I recognized her, she is the girl I saw on morning

my teacher said ,she is new transfer student, please take care of her

She recognized me ,so she sat behind me...after class ,we officially introduced ourselves .

I slowly started to move close to her ,'that I completely forgot about mike..slowly our friendship turned into love..

I finally one day realized that I love her..On the summer occasion we went to a park and then I decided to propose her.. after gathering all my courage, I finally proposed to her...

surprisingly...SHE TOLD.. YES...

we started to date each other ..our relationship and bond become stronger...

we used to go movies, shopping malls,parks and we enjoyed a lot..

UNTIL the day when we were in a park a bunch of guys came and talked to her ..she is smiling so brightly .

I felt jealous, and she not introduced me to them...then after sometime she came back ,and I asked, who are they? she told me that they are her previous schoolmates

I told ok...but inside something is not good with me ..

after somedays they again appear,in movie theater out of nowhere...this time she introduced me to them ,but she ignored me completely ..

after finishing the movie they even came to restaurant with us.

I got so angry..

I went back angrily .she stoped me asking,what's wrong with you?

I told her ,I think Schoolmates are not these close .

she asked one question ,DO YOU REALLY TRUST ME?

I told her, I trust you but seeing you like this ,my trust is broken.

she told me, they were my brothers best friend. we grew up together,and went to same school, that's y we are close, and the final words She told me

I am planning with them ,about how to celebrate your birthday...that's why I ignored you..but after hearing your words ,my heart hurt so much takumi..

I realized my mistake, I thought I am not enough for her ,so instead of saying SORRY, I asked for Breakup..

she ,said so many sorries, but nothing reached my mind...finally my love is destroyed by my own hands...

After the incident, i went to the park where I proposed her first time,

That moments are so beautiful, but when they become memories suddenly it turns out painful ..at that moment I felt how lonely I am ,

the cool breeze of air,the sound of falling leaves ,I felt my heart is filled untold sadness and guilt...

I understand that

.....LOVE IS NOT ABOUT PRETTY WORDS

IT'S ABOUT TRUST AND RESPECT.....