I still remember the young me crying at the small corner of the closet, the me whose pleas can never be heard.

Mother and Father please don’t fight. I promise I will be good. Please don’t fight.”

“Father, mother is getting weak...please stay by her side. Please don’t go”

“Mother please open the door. Please stay strong. Father will be here soon!! He will...”

And yet he never came....a month after mother’s death he came with a new lady and with a girl. A girl with beautiful blonde hair and bright big blue eyes, just like father.

She was kind and warm, they say she’s my little sister. Father pats her head and always praises her. So I also decided to do my best so father will praise me...so father will pat my head.

But never. No matter how perfect I try to be, I can never be like her.

What went wrong?

I loved him so much, I worked so hard to become someone who can support him, I tried so hard for him to love me. No matter how hard it is, I did my best for my family and him. For everyone to accept me?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why do they look at me like that?

Why is his eyes filled with repulsiveness?

Why does he look at her with such gentle eyes? Why is his voice so gentle when he talks to her? Not once did he look at me like that, not once did he talks to me.

Why her?

Why her?

I did everything for him so why does he only give me that look of repulsiveness and voice filled with disdain

Noooo....please. Not him. Don’t take him away.

Alas....everyone was taken away.

I was left with no one...I wonder around, walked and walked until I have *fallen*.

And so I wished for my next life to be normal, for me to be just like everybody else.

As I began my second life...by the time I realized it. I have memories of my first life and by the time I was able to be aware of my surroundings I learned that this world is different from my previous life.

There are a lot of never before seen things, a box with people talking inside, a box that plays all kinds of music, big metal boxes with people inside and all sorts of things. And as I grow, I realised that I was in an institution for children without parents.

“I see. So I’m an orphan”

Finding it ironical, I can’t help but laugh at the situation I’m currently in. But I guess this is better than before.

With optimism in mind, I strive to work hard. I learned the chores and studied hard. The vast knowledge they have in this world is much more broad and profound than the world in my first life and I started to enjoy studying various things.

And then I met them, a family that would adopt me. I was hesitant at first and was a little bit scared but then when my new father, pat me and my mother hugged me. I couldn’t helped but cry. Maybe this time....I can be love—I Hope with all my heart that everything will be alright.

Everyday was so much fun, mother cooks food for me and we always have meals together no matter how busy they were. I was a young miss of the family and they are all so kind.

It was a happiness I never thought I’d ever feel. But one day, I heard mother weeping in her room while holding a picture of a baby. When I asked who the baby was, Nana who works there said that she is the missing daughter of mother.

That she’s been missing for 7 years already and that the prescription period was long over and the chances of her being found is already zero which is why they decided to adopt someone...and that someone is me.

I really feel sorry for mother, that’s why I decided to make her and father happy. I did my best in my studies and other activities. I always want to see them happy.

Years passed, and I’m already 19 years old...the same age I was when I died on my previous life. I felt a little bit down, as I remember it.

“No! Stop remembering it” I told myself. “It’s gonna be fine!! Today Is my nineteenth birthday and the day when we will formally announce my engagement with him. Things will be okay.”

I prayed that this happiness I found will forever be secure.

But as if to mocked me, the really daughter of mother and father was found...even him....the person I decided to trust....even he was gone.

No...

No...

No...

Why is this happening again?

All I want is to have my own place.

A place where I can belong why?

I wanted to scream, I wanted to yell. How unfair is everything! As if going mad on the inside. I tried to stifle this feelings of mine. “No...stop” I told myself. Look at how happy mother and father is!! You should be happy as well! You’ll have a little sister, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.

So I stifled everything and tried harder and harder to get recognition from them. But no matter how much of an achiever I become I can never be like her. The daughter mother misses the most, the daughter mother loves the most...even if she wasn’t perfect. Even if she didn’t know manners, or was able to finish schooling. Even though she knows nothing.

My...place...the place that I finally found....no.....it was never really mine in the first place.

Even, Him....I was never the one. I could never be the one.

“THAT SHOULD

HAVE BEEN MINE”

The darkness I had on my first life started appearing. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH. My heart is screaming. But no!! I have to smile!!!!

Look, she’s coming....everyone is looking. Don’t listen to their whispers. It’s okay.

“Sister...ummm thank you for coming to my wedding. Im so glad you are here” she said as she hugged me. “Mother and father said you have been busy!! But look you are here! Thank you! I’m sure Daniel would also be happy to see you here”

See? It’s fine. She’s your beloved sister

“Hehehe, really sorry. There’s a lot of things going on with work right now. Congratulations” I said as I hugged her back

“Mmm.” She said with a sweet smile on her face. And then she went near towards me and whispered, “I won’t say thanks...this all belongs to me. Thief.”

My body stiffened by her words.

As if she was greatly please with my reaction, the smile on her face grew bigger as she said in a soft voice “Why bother come here? Everyone knows you can never be the real thing. You are just my replacement. Remember your place. Sister”

Ever since then...I got scared. It feels like I will loose myself to her and to the darkness inside me. I tried to ran away through work and rarely goes home...and as years passed I realised....is it even my home?

I got a phone call from mother and told

Me that my little sister is 3 weeks pregnant and that they’re gonna have a celebration so they want me there. I smiled at the thought of mother and since it is her request. I came back home. There was a small gathering, and though everyone seems like a little distant to me...mother was still the same warm, loving person. That was enough for me.

My life can go on....

But...

“AAAAAAAAAAH. There’s blood!! Blood everywhere”

What happened?

I saw my little sister on the floor, while clutching her stomach...blood soaking the carpet. Everyone started whispering and pointing fingers at...me?

I?

What did I do?

And then one of the ladies pointed her finger at me and said “I saw her pushed down Mariebelle”

“No...I...I...didn’t....I saw she was about to fa—fall a...and”

“She’s lying!!”

I don’t remember much but the sound of whispers and the ambulance keeps on echoing on my head. My sister lost her baby. Father hated me and Mother.....that oh so familiar look of disdain.

I see.

I have long lost my place.

No. I never really had one.....

I was walking away from the hospital, and wonder will I be thrown into a brothel just like my previous life? Will I meet my end there? Or....

As I was aimlessly walking, I saw Danielle in front of me. “How dare you do that her!! at first I felt sorry for cutting off the engagement like that and I didn’t believed it when Maribelle told me that you’ve been hurting her ever since she came. Because I know you wouldn’t do that but I guess I’m the stupid one...for actually defending you!! How dare you hurt Maribelle? How dare you KILL OUR CHILD?”

I did...what?

I raised my face and shouted “I NEVER DID THAT”

But then Danielle’s face says it all. He doesn’t believe me.

And so little by little my world was destroyed. At the age of 23....of my second life....I died....on my last breath I remember a saying I heard from a passing shaman

They say the World is Equal to all...

You who believes shall be saved

You who prays will be answered

You who hopes will be given

You who wishes will be granted.

Accept thee, for you are a part of that World and you are someone who was granted by the world to play its role.

“Role?” I scoffed at the very thought of it.

So what? Should I just let it be? So if it is my role to suffer endlessly then should I just let it be? I—I’m tired of hoping, dreaming, wishing and praying. I have nothing else to loose anyways so why should I abide the world who abandons me? Why!!!? Aha...ahahaha....if this world can abandon me THEN I WILL ABANDON THIS WORLD!! What curse is there for me to suffer?? What punishment is worst than this????

Rather “World—if you can hear this then listen well I will not let you be. Abandon me all you want but this time around I will not succumb!! To the world or to anyone! I will live my life for myself!!! Bring it on!! I will face you head on!! I will not let you continue this boring charade of yours!! Never shall I fall....never shall I be bound to you!! Ne...ver”

And I breathe my last.

************

—A/n: so how is it? It’s my first story...pls tell me how it is? Well this is only the prologue so nothing much is expounded 😅 but I’d love to hear your opinions. I wrote this on my phone so it’s a bit iffy. 🙈