It's just a usual morning with my mum scolding me to wake up and get ready. I don't feel that happy about my life as it is not that good and I don't mean it's bad but my luck has always been on the worse side. Everyday I just look at the sky and wonder "why am I still breathing?? is there any purpose for my life?? why can't just someone destroy the world or just end it so I don't have to do this everyday", that's all I can think as my life have no fun at all. Right from my childhood I have been studying in all girls school so I have no experience with boys but now cause of my dad's transfer I changed to another city and a new school ,as exciting as it sounds its also terrifying as it's not just girls but it is a co-education one and the feeling I got is something I cant describe in words as I don't know what to do as that's my first time to be around boys .But still I managed to survive in that environment and I did get friends who are good to me. As I said my life is not that good so I don't feel that happy to go to school everyday I just wanna find a hole and bury my head there, so no one can find me. everything sucks and frustrates but I see that some girls are having fun as it is expected cause they look pretty ,but when it comes to my looks I don't want to talk about it as I'm not that pretty and I look just average. Not to say but everyone around me just likes to irritate me that's more of a reason I like to let someone end the world I thought my life would be like that without any changes until I met him.He changed everything for me.

Its just like everyday I woke up and went to school. I have a friend from childhood but because of some personal issues she changed schools and I met her here again and we became friends. This girl is type of extrovert who can become friends with everyone and anyone and like that she got a senior friend and one day when she's talking to that senior I said ,"hi" to her and that's the first time I saw him and I can feel something inside me is thumping but I just ignore as I thought I won't see him anymore but everyday without fail I see him and I just got this feeling to know who is he.so I asked my friend ,"who's that senior that you talk everyday?" and she asked with a confusion look on her face ,"who?" and i looked at and said, "that senior who comes to our class daily" .she pondered about it some time and then she said ,"oh him?.. his name is Noah". After knowing his name I don't know why I think about him everyday and like that days go on and I want to get some courage cause I wanted to talk to him but the next day she brought him and she introduced him to me and that's when I found out what I felt that day when I first saw him, I came to a conclusion that "AH! I have a crush on him".to be honest that's my first time feeling like this as I never ever had a crush on anyone so its exciting to feel that thumping in my heart getting increased when I see him and just like that, in my life, first time I looked excited and happy to go to school just so i can see him. Whenever we saw each other we used to greet each other and make some conversations and like that we became close but still I used to feel somewhat upset when he talks to other girls but still I have no right so I used to not tell anything to him and like that one day, I wanted to confess my feelings to him so I called him to meet me at a Cafe and he did come. First before starting anything we ordered and sat there we sat there and after we got our order we are eating the dessert. Then I wanted to tell him about my feelings but he's looking like he's concerned about something so I asked him "what's wrong? is everything ok?" that's when he opened up to me told me what he's bottling up inside. "Well, Ella I want you to do a favour to me. can you help me?" as I can say no to him after looking at his face so I said "sure! why not? what's wrong?" .then he talked about his feelings looking outside the window ,"I have a girl I like but I don't know how to confess so I want your help. So, will you help me ?" I don't really got disappointed as I thought it was me that he's talking about so I looked excited and asked him "who? who do you like ? do I know that person?" . the he smiled and said, "yes you do know her. she's someone in your class?". I don't know why but suddenly I got a bad feeling about this so I asked him " w-who?", then he just slammed his head slowly to the table and said, "you know lisa right ? the girl who sits in last bench in middle row. I like her. The moment i saw her i fallen in love with her and the reason i'm talking to your friend isha cause of her".i am really shocked as i didn't expect that answer and i'm really upset, as i am clenching my fists and i asked him "why did you never told me this? and you are saying that you are just talking with me and my friend just so you can come to our class and see her? is that what it is?", then he looked surprised and said this, "no no no what are you talking about ? i mean its true that i got friends with isha cause i can come and see lisa but that's because isha said she will help me but i never thought about using you. I genuinely thought you are my friend no not just a friend but a really close one." after listening to him it hurts me more than before and then i asked him, "so you are saying isha knows this?" then he replied, "yes she said she will help me and she's the one who gave me the idea to come to your class to see lisa". ...ah! i can't even shout or get angry at this situation and if isha knows everything why didn't she say anything to me . only if she told me this i wouldn't be in this position. "HEY!!", noah shouted. then i said "yeah what's wrong?" and then he raised a eyebrow and said, " what's wrong with you ? i have been talking to you and calling you but you didn't respond to me". then i replied to him,"i'm sorry i just got lost in my thoughts. sorry, can you repeat me again what you just said to me?" . then he sighed and said, "so what do you think? can you help me?". i don't know what to call this situation how can i help my crush to get together with his crush, isn't this situation totally ridiculous and i hate it. but still i replied to him , "oh yeah sure why not? i will help you.(5 secs gap) sorry but i should go ".he looked confused but still said bye to me and i just rushed to my home and went inside my house and i don't know why but i didn't get any tears. i just looked at the wall blankly. i just wondered would things be different if i didn't know him or if things would be looking great if he has no crush " those type of thoughts just made me stay awake all night but even if we want there is no way the world will stop just because we want so the morning came without even knowing but still thank god its weekend so i just shut down every thing and slept on my bed and watched some comedy scenes to lift my mood and i just ate my food and stayed inside all day doing nothing like a sloth.

i don't want to go to school anymore, the purpose of me going to school is gone now. And now again my life is back to square.

The next day even if I don't want to go school still I went as I have some things I want to know. The first thing I did after I went to school is asking Isha about the thing Noah told me I asked her, "is it true?" . Isha looked at me with a confuse look and asked, "about what?". then I looked at her and said, "I mean about Noah and Lisa?" and then she said, "oh yeah I know but, how do you know that?" and I just smirked at her and asked, "you--you should have told me. only if you had said something about them then I---- ". Isha looked at me with a question mark and asked me , "what ? why are you not finishing your sentence ? ". Then I sighed at her and said, "just never mind , leave it ". Then she looked at me for few seconds and said, "you are hiding something from me right? you did something and not telling me right?". I cant even talk to her anymore so I just kept my mouth shut but seeing me like that she just got even more curious and said ,"hey! I'm talking to you right now. why don't you reply to me ? what is happening ?" . Like this she's pestering me and then Noah came to our class and called for me so I went outside the class to talk to him. after seeing him smiling, I thought he's smiling at me so even though I shouldn't get happy still I was happy but when I went near him to talk that's when I found that he's not smiling at me but he's smiling at Lisa who's behind me. I got so angry and sad but still I smiled at him and asked ,"what is it? why did you call me?" and when he realised that I came out to him that's when he shifted his eyes from her to me and said, "ah well we are talking that day but you suddenly left so I came to ask if you are okay?". just hearing him asking if I'm okay made me so happy that I forgot why I got angry in the first place and smiled from ear to ear and said, "nah! I'm good and I'm sorry that I left you like that but now I'm okay ". Then he smiled at me and said "oh that's good. Then I can ask you this right now ?"

I didn't understand what is that he wants to ask me and so I asked him, "About what? just ask me and I will say you everything" and then he moved more closer to me , when he came so close towards me, my heart is beating too fast that I thought that I can't control it . Then he suddenly whispered to me, "can you please help me now with lisa? I really want to be with her so please help me na?". After I heard that I looked at him with clenching my hands together and said, "oh sure! just what help should I do ?" and he said, "just become close friends with her and ask her opinion on me. you can do that right?". I smiled slightly at him and said "sure of course I will!" after that I said bye to him and went to class and he stood there for sometime talking with some juniors and glancing at Lisa and after some time he went to his class. My situation sucks I really want to shout out loud that I don't want to help you cause I have a crush on you but I cant, I hate everything . I hate Noah for not seeing my love for him and I hate Isha for not telling me about them and I hate Lisa for being my crush's crush and then I hate myself for having crush on him and now I have to help him . To become close to her I sat with her some times and not to make it obvious that I approached her because I want something for her I took some precautions and become friends with her and like this days are going and then one day I'm walking to my house and then suddenly someone pulled me and before I scream they closed my mouth and when I slowly opened my eyes and looked at them and it was Noah, I was so surprised and asked him, "hey! what's this? why do you pull a prank like this on me?" . He then looking at me angrily and asked, "why are you not picking my calls and not seeing any of my messages?". I can't answer him as I'm trying to avoid him so I can stop thinking about him so I replied, "its just I'm busy with my studies as you know exams are coming" . then he looked at me and scratched his head and said, "what type of reason is this? well, I just let it go for now but don't ignore me again ok? it really upsets me". what type of life I am living that I am getting happy for him getting angry on me for not picking his phone I really must have lost it (my mind) . I replied him by saying, "ok I will do that !if there is nothing else I will go as I have so much to do ". he then stopped me and said, "woah! why are you always hurrying , ok ok I have something to say" . I asked him, "what is it?" and he then smiled at me said, "I want to confess to Lisa now! so did you become friends with her? what's her opinion on me? "when I heard his words it felt like my heart is dropping and I looked at him worryingly and asked "w-w-why are saying you will confess? I didn't even ask her opinion on you so don't you think its soon for you to tell her your feelings?" and then he looked at me with a smirk and said, "what ?you didn't ask her ? you said you will right ?and I heard that you both became friends so why ?" I grabbed his hand and said, "I'm sorry that I didn't ask but I will ask her in a week so wait till then ok ?" and he then moved his and from my hand and said, "one week? no I can't wait anymore .what if someone confess to her before me? you don't have to ask her anything just bring her tomorrow to the Cafe and I will talk to her ". I cant think about anything and so I said," but--" before even me completing my sentence he said, "no buts or ifs just bring her tomorrow. I will wait for you there" he said that and left me there all alone. Just like that I walked to my house and went to my room. I can see the view of mountains from my window so I am watching at them and smiling faintly like I'm ready to abandon everything and run away from here but still I don't even have that courage so I hugged my pillow tightly and slept like that.

"Thinking all about him became like a drug for me that I can't go a day without him being in my thoughts"