I'm Ly A Minh, a 17-year-old boy, quite ordinary in appearance, nothing outstanding, I live in a small fourth-grade house left to me by my parents. Everything about me is normal and I hope my life will be normal too. But the desire is still the desire, my life is darker than the future of the Rooster in Ngo Tat To's work Turning the Lights off... Pain, pathetic, loss, sad age, ... all came crashing down. with A Minh me for the past 17 years.

The year I cried when I was born was also the time when my mother found out that my father had another woman outside, but because of me, she did not divorce him at that time.

When I was 2 years old, my parents took my 12-year-old brother with me to settle down in a faraway place, leaving me to stay in poverty with my grandmother. Every month, they send money back to her, but people often say "Money goes straight to the intestines." My grandmother has since always taken the money that her parents sent back as a matter of course, so she is even more demanding.

When I was 5 years old, when my brother dropped out of school, my parents worriedly ran all over the place to take care of my brother to study a certain profession that I don't even remember. It was at that time that the greed of the person I called "grandmother" reached its peak. My grandmother did not respect me, but scolded me for the purpose of just wanting my parents to send more money back so that she could spend it on gambling.

-You called your mother and asked to send all the money back here!

-But… but didn't your mother just send 2 million last week?

A Minh, tears welled up in my eyes, I grabbed her cell phone and ran out into the yard. I know… I know the current situation of my parents at that time… I know I am also a big burden to my parents now, I don't want, don't want, really don't want.

-Hello?

When my mother's voice came out, I was angry when the water broke, so I kept talking to my mother.

-Mom… hey… mom…

I was speechless. My mother saw me like that and worried.

-What… what's wrong, son?

-Grandma… hmm… told… money… mom didn’t send enough… hm…

-What's up? Did you just send 2 million back last week?

- Huh… hush… she said it wasn't enough.

Is money ever enough? Forever, forever is not enough.

-Then shut up... tomorrow I'll send you more.

I cried over and over and told my mother my suffering, and my mother also cried. The choking "happiness" sound resounded from the two ends of the line but… why is it so bitter? Does a 5-year-old like me deserve this? The frustration of a 5-year-old boy, the age that is considered like a small bud on a branch, the age that should only eat, sleep, and play has to shoulder so much melancholy...

The story goes on…

When I was 10 years old, my parents returned and because of that, I was brought home to live with them. But because the love has cooled for a long time, when living together, it is inevitable to quarrel, yes, quarrel and fight...

A Minh, I witnessed my parents fighting, I was so sad, I cried, I screamed, I begged. Begging my parents to stop, begging them to give me a normal family like any other child. I envy kids my age, I envy seeing them happier than I am, I envy them being loved by their parents, I know jealousy is a bad virtue but if I become a bad-tempered but in return for what I envy… then I also vow to become a naughty child.

The 10-year-old boy held his mother in his arms and cried, his small hand patted his mother's back to reassure him.

-Mom…huh, mom, shut up… hump… hump… mom… you better get a divorce… hush

My mother with red eyes looked up at me and blinked.

-W…you.. what are you saying?

I wiped the tears from my face, trying to force a smile that couldn't be more fake.

-Huh… I… I don’t want to see my parents fighting… ugh

My mother hugged my small body and cried loudly, I couldn't even put on a fake smile and cried like that...

A week later, my parents divorced. The day I was taken to court by my mother on a dilapidated motorbike, the morning sun was beautiful, the light of freedom, that's right, after today my mother will be free and so will I.

I chose to live with my mother and my brother stayed with my father. But my father will still support my mother for a while to take care of my A Minh because the other brother is also 20 years old… the trial ended and the conciliation was unsuccessful. My parents are already divorced. My brother cried a lot, he blamed me for saying those words to my mother and then something happened that no one wanted. I don't cry but am I sad? Yes, can I get used to life without my father's presence so quickly… Yes, never.

Neighbors told me I was young and ignorant, they said I didn't understand, they blamed me, they said I was stupid. That's right, I'm probably a stupid boy who doesn't understand…

End of chapter 1

When I was in middle school, I was a round boy, with rough black skin that looked very messy and dirty. I was ridiculed by a female friend named Mac Thu… Her words were spoken, but the slaps kept pushing hard. the mind of a child like me.

- Oh my god, why are you like a pig?

- Both black and ugly.

-You look terrible, A Minh.

I just laughed and ignored those words…

-Come on, I don't think it's okay... don't tease me anymore.

Just like that in class, I was embarrassed by Mac Thu's words… I thought a lot, I was so sad.

After class, I rode my bicycle home on a small empty country road, I kept whimpering, I was really hurt by those malicious words...

Everything happens naturally. When I was in 8th grade, that year a big pandemic happened, I had to study online at home, so I didn't see Mac Thu anymore. While at home, because of the difficult economic situation and the fact that it is not easy to buy and sell food, I decided to lose weight. It was true that I lost weight but that decision was really wrong, I lost weight unscientifically, I fasted, I took medicine, I did such bad things to the point of being hospitalized… but in the end he was 67kg a day. Which is only 50kg.

A year later, my school organized vaccinations to prepare for the work of sending students back to school. At that time, I met Thanh Vinh a classmate, he helped me a lot while studying online. I actually study quite well compared to other students, but due to the nature of sleeping a lot and studying less, A Minh here missed a lot of classes… especially math. It was the Thanh Vinh people who taught me a little something called knowledge. I am very grateful to him, and more than grateful… maybe I… I fell in love with a boy? I'm going crazy, A Minh, my dear!

I finally returned to school after a month with a new look, maybe it's because A Minh I've worn down my body so much? I'm pretty fit compared to before but… I'm short!

And that was also an excuse for a guy named Thanh Vinh to bully me A Minh! Aaah that's too much!

The day of class has also come, me and Thanh Vinh met, he stood close to me. I thought he must be in love with me… but NO.

- Hey, hey, he's too short to eat, he's only up to my shoulder, A Minh.

-Hey, that tall, tall name! Since when is height a measure of a person!

Since then, Thanh Vinh and I have become closer than usual, he pinched my cheeks, he patted my head, I also often lie on his lap, the love is no different from the love stories on the internet. Time keeps repeating itself… keep meeting, criticizing short, pinching cheeks, rubbing head. We were so close that a subject teacher even dared to ask.

-A Minh? Do you and Thanh Vinh know each other?

- What can I do, miss, it's so stupid.

I kept smiling, but inside I was really happy. That last year of high school was probably something to make up for my Ly A Minh's disfigured soul. A Minh from an introverted, taciturn, quiet boy has gradually opened up to everyone around him, a change that I myself did not expect.

In the last months of middle school, Thanh Vinh and I signed up for a grade-level exam preparation class, and to be honest, I studied much worse than him. You and I sat together, he taught me the lesson, and I… bullied him… well, it wasn't even a matter of bullying, just hitting him a few times when he dared to touch the little fat in my belly… Thai!

The day of the exam finally came, because I didn't do well on the test, I was so worried, I cried with you so much...

-Huh... if I fail, I'll probably drop out of school...

- Then quit school.

I have to say this damned, dead guy doesn't know how to comfort others? Studying well but talking sounds inversely proportional to academic ability.

Finally a week after the results were available, I got 23 points more than 7 points to get into the school I wanted, I was really happy, I was about to show off with that damned name when…

*Ting ting* The message sounds.

-Look at this, look at this...

It's Thanh Vinh, you sent his scorecard via… 39 points?? Human or demon?

-Show off *beep beep*

I texted him back while he was still teasing me.

- What do you see, horrible?

-It's terrible, it's terrible...

-You passed too! Cheer up, I'll take you to explore the new school someday.

-And then...

And then, my crush and I also passed high school, moreover, you and I went to the same school…

-Haiz… damn name!

I sighed and cursed at him in my mouth, while my smile never knew how to bloom on my lips.

End of chapter 2.