My feelings for this specific person whom I call "Shaul" started when I was around 9 years old. I've knew him ever since kindergarten but I wasn't really that attached to him. Not until in 4th grade when i suddenly notice how charming, cute and kind he was. Shaul wasn't really noticing me either, i don't know what's the reason, up until now i question myself why but anyways I don't recall a time where we have a good conversation as friends even though we met along time ago. I sometimes ask myself if he doesn't like me, or is he ignoring me. My feelings for him grew stronger as a secret admirer or my secret crush. I've liked him for so long that I feel low-key attached to him. I was friends to all people around him, and his cousin was one of my best friends.

Now at grade 6, a new student transferred at our school. Lets call her "Mae", i became close to her because we have some similarities with family, like our dads have the same type of job, we have one younger sister and all those other stuff. However I've noticed how she slowly made friends with Shaul, I was devastated for the first time. I was jealous and scared that he may start to fall for Mae. I was at my desk trying not to cry with all that's happening, his cousin "Sarah" (one of my bffs) went up to me because she wanted to go out and buy snacks with me. She noticed that I was in some bad mood, she didn't understand the situation and left me instead to give me space. I was fine with that because i don't want anyone to know what's happening with me. As i look around I can see them outside the window at a canopy sitting with each other laughing to their topic. This made me feel weak and pissed, however I knew i have no rights to get angry with that. So I stopped, there is no point on being jealous with them at all.

A year then passed, I graduated from middle school and on to the Junior High School. A new student came to us, he's name is "Bruce". I was quite excited to see him transferring to us, because I've kept seeing his face ever since i was a kid. He is basically like my neighbor but I haven't talked to him or know him well. On the first day of class as a junior high school, I had a chance to talk to Bruce. He sparked me a new interest however im still in love with Shaul. Bruce was a very funny, and witty guy. He was in the phase where he discovered inappropriate things and kept making jokes about it. Me and my innocent self at that time did not understand what he kept saying. Although I do love his presence and just have fun with him. At those moments, with Bruce I was able to grow closer with a different guy and move on with Shaul. But no, I was loyal to Shaul standing on the fact that I really do love him.

One time, we have a program where we have to dance in partners. This had my heart beat fast, because I was partnered with Shaul, as Mae was partnered with Bruce. I was really contented at that moment, being able to hold his hand slowly and make baby steps with our friendship. However during those practice days, one night Bruce messaged me, we've been talking just like any other friends talk online. Until he mentioned to play a game with me and I said "yes, sure" the game was truth or dare. During the game Bruce asked me the most common question ever, he said "Who's your crush?" At that time I confidently told him who i was inlove with, because I know for a fact that everyone at school knows this because they kept teasing me about Shaul. So I told Bruce that I like Shaul and then I suddenly replied with "what about you? Who's your crush?"