July 13, 2020

Today i just wanted to feel like myself, but, it seems impossible considering my mom criticizes me all the time. Does she even realize that the words she says can hurt or damage me? Or.. is she doing it on purpose.. i do with that.. she could just be nice and happy once.. when i was younger like when i was 4-6 years old.. now a days i'm used to it but it still hurts.. it hurts cause the words came out of the person you least expected to hear it from.. yes, there are some good days and fun ones.. but that never lasts long.. really though, at least i have my sister here.. she cares and we always have fun times together! but.. i feel some what.. lonely all the time.. even when a lot of people are around me.. i don't know why or what i am going though or feeling sometimes it's not like i'm like this cause i wanted to be.. "Be yourself" they say but then they judge you for it, it doesn't make sense, "Don't listen to others" they say but then the'll get mad if you don't listen to them.. it's more like be a puppet or doll to them and get thrown away when you arent needed anymore, I hate it. I'm disgusted by even the thought of it.. but then again, we are all different and our minds are never the same, so it's natural that some of us don't get along or become enemies. It's just how the world works, who knows if something unexpected would happen or if you would get bad luck! it's really a huge process that could go in your mind and make you really think if your even actually worth something good or not, It's getting late and all of thesethoughts are still in my head swirling around and around. In an endless cycle of wonders and mysteries, i am confused on how the world works, in a child's eye the world is big and beautiful, but as you get older you see the awful reality of life and try to keep going telling yourself that you can change things if you keep trying and never give up! but it's hard knowing that any time and anywhere it could all go down hill and crash for you as soon as you reach the limit. I would just think to myself if i am worth living or not, i do hope that some day i will be able to make my family happy and safe, my mom started to change after my dad's dead. would that really be a good excuse to change and be so mean to your own child? even my sister is getting mad at her. a mothers love is the best kind of love you could ever receive!

From: Z

To:???

Age: 14