Dear sugar plum,

The first thing I will say is thank you. I never said this enough but you are my inspiration, my source of love, the place where even silence is loud and my crumble soul becomes one.

Thank you for existing and living in a world of pain by being a star who brightens days. Thank you are illuminating paths by making me laugh and forget my pain.

I would also like to apologize. To say sorry for failing on being worth of your fragile being. Sorry for being helpless. Sorry for being the burden you had to carry through this year.

You who never gave up on me, you who always showed up for me, and there is I who was never there go give a helping hand, the who you could not trust enough to share your thoughts and problems.

I wish that after my departure you're going to be happier. I wish that after my departure you're going to be healthier.

Most of the time I've been selfish. Always complaining and never understanding. It is my fault I must admit. However, you must agree that consequences brought me to what I am today. Will I find me one day? I don't know.

By that time, maybe I'll not be inhaling. Maybe I'll be as cold as winter. Maybe I'll be burnt to ashes. Time will tell.

For the time being, even if blood is dripping, all I can do is cry. I will wait till the tears dry.

Take care till then and find peace in yourself.

A little poem to keep you company:

In the dark alley

Right before midway

In the loudest crowd

In the biggest cloud

My voice won't be heard

As a whisper it will be dispersed

And as a matter of fact

I'll not try harder for what I lack

Like a droplet of water falls on a leaf

I will fall back in grief

And silence is the only answer I'll give

Silence is  the only way out , I believe

For those who tried to break it

Awaits a day when they will regret it

And for those who are abiding

Will live with it till their ending

For me who abides and breaks

In between I figure

Will I be awarded

Or will I be corrected?

And another one :

Some can say I lost my way

Some can say I am different today

I am trying to remember

I am trying to repair my blunder

I am lost it's true

I am not the same as you

I am just the one accident

I am just another incident

I happened to some unfortunate

I happened to my mate

Without a clue

Without what's true

I wander around searching who would accept this ugly soul

I wander around searching for a grave for this heart so cold

You said you'd never be the one who'd be clenching my darkened heart

You said that you'd be the one clearing my way in the dark

Guess I should have been less naive

Guess I should have been more comprehensive

I lost my way in the Maize of life

Without any map or directives I will wonder whether to continue living in this dark hive

^^^until our paths cross again,^^^

^^^your pumpkin^^^

He has those f*cking EYES. His long eyelashes and his pale brown eyes.

When he craves me, those eyelids go down. It is then that he looks hotter. His chest pumps up and his hands tighten against my abdomen, and then he stares. He stares hard. He looks at my lips as if he could, he would just bite them off. Then he digs in like if I was pizza or something. He grabs me harder. Then, he finally kisses the shit out of me. As if he was about to lose all capacity to handle himself, he kisses my lips(eats them more specifically). While I gasp for breath, he doesn't let go. He doesn't want to stop at any cost while on the other hand I whimper for him to stop (even though I don't want him to).

I am unfortunately compelled to look away just to breathe again lol. The best part is when he hugs me so tight that I feel his best and his heart beating. It is at that moment that I feel the most loved and love for him. Even though I would prefer to be even closer to him(IYKYK) I just feel like I'm at the top of the world just at that moment.

I wonder if he feels the same. I wanna bite his arm off. And his ass. (it's illegally bigger than mine). The fact that he is longer is one of the best parts of having him. I can bury myself in his arms when I want to cry(haha, be jealous)

Ok enough of the good part.

If you are going to read this then stop rolling your pretty eyes babe. You know you get on my nerves when ur not horny...

Just because Mr. chose this day to be mean and make me beg for attention. (not funny)

Meanwhile I'm overthinking the whole situation. •︡ᯅ•︠

I love you anyways though. I want you to know that. You affect my whole day just by saying a few words. When I see you, I automatically smile, even though I wanted to cry seconds ago. You don't know the impact you have in my life, mind and soul. I don't know whether it is better that way or not but now that I'm writing it, you know. Hope you won't use this against me. I mean I know you won't. I'm grateful you don't hit me btw. I think at this point even if you did, I would have stayed.

He's so fine and he's mine. There's no other b who can take him away. They will have to forget their vagina entrance if they want to lure what's mine. I'm not crazy. Complex problems need complex solutions. What can I do about it? (¬◡¬)✧

I lob my swan and that's it. No other statements to make.

Hope you don't think I'm using you.

your pumpkin ˃ 𖥦 ˂

🎃💜🎃