“You won't believe Ami! She was just head over heels for me”

This was the hundreth time Hayden repeated the same words. Leviana, another innocent dumb girl who is gonna fall for his tricks.

“ We decided the Sunday date in your cafe, serve us good bro"

"Well Fork you, I ain't your freaking servent Hayden! I have to meet Jacob later so yeah-"

Amanda raised her middle finger against his face.

"Aww Amanda I always knew you wanted to date me, but in your dreams babe", Hayden chuckled.

Amanda rolled her eyes and walked off.

____________________________________________

Hayden looked back. He chuckled seeing Amanda walk away hurridly. She hadn't changed much since her kindergarten, where Hayden met her for the first time.

He looked down at his fingers and smiled.

It wasn't easy for him to confess, everytime the fear of their ruined friendship came into his mind.

Yes Amanda, loving you is one of my dreams.

____________________________________________

It was Sunday evening. Hayden is sitting with Leviana in Amanda's cafe just to know she called off today.

Hayden sighed. He wasn't interested in Leviana, he just wanted some distractions.

"Hayden! Hayden!", Leviana called him. "You seem lost".Hayden managed to smile, "I was just thinking"

Yes I am lost in this vast galaxy.

____________________________________________

It was 2:47 in the morning.

Hayden wasn't able to sleep. Just another day passed and he felt totally empty.

He got up and walked to this desk. He picked up the diary from the hidden gap in the rack.

He opened the first page. "Amanda"

He started going through the pages, though the sketches, the post its and letters.

He recalled all the memories- her first crush and her school life.

Oh how much he wanted those times back.

____________________________________________

Leviana broke up with Hayden. It didn't matter to him. He attended his class as usual.

He saw Amanda walking through the corridor. She smiled at him. Hayden's heart skipped a beat.

Before he could start a conversation, the bell rang and Amanda got lost in the crowd.

Hayden felt alone. He felt pain in his chest.

This time he knew the reason.

____________________________________________

Hayden rolled on his bed with all his blankets. It was raining outside accompanied with Thunderclaps.

“Are you okay Hayden?”

Hayden opened his eyes, “A-Amanda?"

Amanda was sitting on his bed. She smiled at him.

“ Yes Amamda I am okay, Ju-just don't leave me”, Hayden grinned widely.

“You are not, Hayden don't lie.”

The smile in Hayden's face disappeared.

“Are you trully fine?” Amanda looked into his eyes, while tears rolled down her cheeks. “Let me go, Hayden”.

“No, No I can't!”, Hayden almost started sobbing. “ I can't leave you Amanda, not again.”

“Please Hayden, let me go”, Amanda's fragile body broke down in front of him. “I tried my best, I can't”

Hayden looked at Amanda, she was struggling hard. “I love you Amanda, don't leave me.”

Amanda smiled softly, “Let me go Hayden, I am dead.”

__________________________________________

Hayden opened his eyes. The bright rays of sun obstructing his view for a while.

7th February ,

Amanda's death aniversary. It has been a year, still those nightmares haunt him.

The news of her death in an accident was sudden and unexpected. Hayden couldn't even confess his love.

He was left alone and lost in this world with those regrets.

But this time He was determined to live his life, Its time to let her go.

He took his cellphone and dialed a number-

“Hello Leviana, can we meet?”

~**THE END**~

“Its happening again”, Leviana smiled.

Hayden looked at her and smiled again.

This is the second time he smiled at her, once in the history class and now.

Leviana looked down at her fingers, blushing hard. “Hayden is interested in me”, she smiled softly.

She was immersed in her own thoughts that she didn't even notice the presence beside her table.

Hayden tapped his fingers against the desk to get her attention.

“Hey” Hayden smiled softly.

Leviana was blushing hard.

“Lets meet this coming sunday in Amand-I mean Cashmina Cafe, what do you think?”

“I-i”, Leviana was in short of words. She nodded her head as an answer.

Hayden chuckled before tapping her head and get out of the class.

Leviana hid her face in her hands. Butterflies dancing in her stomach with excitement.

what are this feelings?

__________________________________________

Leviana looked at herself in the mirror. She noticed how her tummy bulged out, her thighs were too thick to be called pretty.

She looked at herself, into her eyes which she thinks as dull.

This 20 years she has been convincing herself as ugly and unwanted. Her sister's mocking insults added nothing to boost her confidence.

After all this insecurities about herself, A boy-rather handsome boy has shown interest in her.

She felt nice, for the first time she felt happy.

_____________________________________________

Leviana sat beside Hayden. She has worn her favorite top. She watched hundreds of makeup tutorials before painting her face.

Hayden looked distracted. He was busy searching someone.

Why does he want someone when I am here?

He looked at me and smiled. “You look pretty”, he said.

'Pretty' It was a simple word but it meant a lot to Leviana. A girl who was bullied for her looks.

“Thank you, you look handsome too”, she smiled. You are too handsome for someone like me. Insecurity tried to creep into her mind but she shrugged it off.

_____________________________________________

It has been a week since their so called date in the cafe. Leviana hardly met Hayden after that.

Whenever she saw him, he was with Amanda- his best friend. She has seen the way Hayden looks at her, the way he laughs with her. He behaves exactly like herself, like in love.

Amanda was in relationship with Jacob, well known senior. She had no idea about Hayden's feelings, or maybe she pretended to not.

____________________________________________

Leviana cried whole night. Of course this was too good to be true. Hayden was too good to be true.

She stared at her reflection in the mirror. “Pretty? maybe he referred only to the soul but to people its the appearance that matters.”

Next day she met Hayden at the library. She stated firmly its not gonna work. Playing with my feelings are not gonna work.

Hayden smiled softly and nodded his head. He didn't seem affected much.

“I need to go, I have class now”

This were the last words they ever exchanged before he walked away.

“of course”, tears rolled down her cheeks. He had class with Amanda.

___________________________________________

It has been a year since their breakup. Leviana had suffered depression and mental breakdown.

Her rejection in love brought her insecurity and anxiety back, with the pain.

She has stopped eating. She has lost a lot of weight yet she isn't satisfied. She wanted more.

She was shocked to hear about Amanda's death. She wanted to run and hug Hayden forever but she couldn't - her broken heart didn't allow her.

7th February ,

A gloomy day, its the day when she has decided to end her life. Her face has lost the glow and she isn't skinny yet.

I am no longer desirable in this world, I rather die.

She picked up her cellphone to call her mom for the last time- To say the last goodbye.

Her thoughts were wiped off when she received a call from an unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Hello Leviana can we meet up?”

“H-hayden?”, the phone slipped off her hands.

Maybe something deserves a second chance.

(pic credits- blossomkoo_ )

...*Th**e loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly*....

...---•---...

...Change, a rather important incident in one's life. Everyone,everything undergoes a change both intentionally and unintentionally. ...

...A huge change has taken place in Tae’s life and he is unable to deal with it. It’s strange, he had never found himself so confused or irritated over a swing of mood (?) or properly, a change. ...

...It’s all in his mind, a rather drifting thought or a phase that would pass soon....

...He looks towards the book in the table, the journalism of Modern world. It’s interesting, Tae always loved reading it. ...

...But this change is different, it’s frustrating and borderline depressing as well, he couldn’t figure out why this was happening to him. He couldn’t understand why suddenly he found every food in front of him bland..or why everything bored him.....

...A tiredness, a sense of boredom engulfs him increasing his frustration....

...A small change, or what Tae likes to believe is a ‘phase’ brought him where he stands today. Was this the answer? T has no idea why he stood alone in the railway station late at night....

...He couldn’t figure out how he somehow landed in the countryside where he grew up....

...^^^^^^^^^...

...‘Galaxy of stars’, that’s how Tae had once described Jk when they were teens. The older couldn’t help but smile as he found Jk looking at him, with his soul glowed in the eyes. ...

...“You can heal the dead, Jk! You have so much of life inside you”....

...Tae smiles as he recalls how Jk had giggled at those words, he could indeed heal the dead, maybe that’s why he is here today....

...Jk’s expression was almost comical, he looked as if he had seen a ghost. Body still, eyes wide as he stares at the older....

...“You are back”...

...Yes, Tae was back to the town, while his soul had lost its way somewhere.....

...“Yes, I am”...

...Jk had always loved nature, the silence and warmth of the countryside. Tae has seen Jk grow up enjoying, and dreaming. Dreams that were lot different than that of Tae’s...

...Maybe that’s why Jk ran a fruit stall, selling his fresh farm products while Tae is a journalist in the city. They both had their priorities set. Tae looks at the fresh grapes, grown with the sweat of hard work....

...“Would you welcome me with fresh farm fruits?”...

... Jk smiles, Tae is still silly, such a kid....

...“Welcome, with fresh seasonal grapes, if that’s what you want, old man!”...

...^^^^^^^...

...“You haven’t changed a bit, have you?”...

...The words catch Tae off guard, he hasn’t changed?...

...“I am sure I have changed, Jk..indeed a lot.”...

...Jk laughs at his words before he looks at him. ...

...“I mean, you are still a messy eater, nothing that serious. Are the city guys always this serious?”...

...Tae frowns as he looks at Jk, wiping off the juice on his mouth....

...“I grew up in the countryside, I am not one of those city guys , my heart still lies here.”...

...“Liar”, Jk smiles softly as he looks at the stars. “ You are a ‘city guy’ and you know that.”...

...^^^^^^^...

...One of the city people, Jk was right..T had indeed turned into a ‘city person’. He had worked days over a particular topic, determined to reach the top. He has turned into a robot, a rat in the race chasing success, wanting more....

...He has changed, He is no longer the old self. No longer the old Tae who had time for the younger....

...The person who was determined to get things done with time, reach the top earliest was late today..too late....

...“Am I too late? Did you miss me?”...

...Tae asked the younger one who nodded his head side to side, “ I hoped that you would be late, Tae. I just wanted you to enjoy your dreams .” ...

...“But I am happy now, I am with you, this is my dream.”...

...Jk smiles, a wide one while tears fill his eyes. It was him..It was really Tae, his Tae.. in front of him....

...“I missed you, I missed you so much Tae, wanted to see you, talk to you!” Jk doesn’t waste much time before he walks towards the older and hugs him. The hug felt familiar, comforting as warm as.. ‘home’....

...Tae understands the change that had been bothering him since the beginning, he understood the reason behind his hesitation when he couldn’t work. Most importantly, he understood why the hug felt so real, so warm unlike the once that he had imagined in his dreams....

... “I was right”, Tae speaks after he breaks the hug. “You can indeed heal the dead.”...

...Jk chuckles as he looks around, so does Tae. The scenery was beautiful, dreamy, all together wonderful. ...

...“It’s heaven, Tae..it’s meant to heal the dead.”...

...“It doesn’t matter, you are here with me now. The only heaven I have ever known is you, Kook”...

...And Tae wasn’t lying, it was always him. His heaven, his healer and his love....

...( For those who couldn’t get it-  Tae has been busy working on his career in the city and had no time to visit Jk in his hometown. He regrets when one day he heard the news of Jk’s d*eath and years later, he joins his love in heaven.)...