I wonder when I can finally go, when I can slip away into oblivion and leave behind a life in bed... Will I die soon? Or maybe fate will be cruel and have me endure the pain for a while longer. I don’t care as long as I can die. But if I could ask God one question it would probably be, “Can I go yet? If not can you make the pain go away? I don’t wanna stay here if there is nothing to do but lie in bed waiting for peace.” I don’t think of anything else, how could I? What worth is there in the life of this little frail girl I am named Hinako?

Hinako stares blankly at the ceiling of her hospital room wondering what might be worth her existence, she finds no answer, yet. Hinako sits up in her bed covered only by a hospital gown with some rough shorts underneath.

I’m supposed to stay in bed, but do I really care? I guess I might go on a walk. If my life goes on still I may as well see something better than my ceiling.

Hinako gets up out of bed, puts her shoes on, and walks into the hallway. One nurse tries to get Hinako back into bed but Hinako gives a glare worthy of a demon’s and the nurse backs away.

Hinako walks into the lobby where new patients get signed in for checkups or, like her, long term stay, and stares at the plants put up for decoration. She waits, staring at the familiar scene of people coming in and out with children and adults alike. Then one person walks into the hospital and looks straight at Hinako. Hinako stares back, eyes glazed over, a deadly look most people shy away from. The man, who looks fine and healthy, stares a couple seconds more, almost in awe, and gives Hinako a smile.

.....a smile

..He gave me.. a smile, Hinako said with a quiet voice. The man looked at her again when he heard her, he thought,”such a fragaile voice, like glass it could shatter, a beautiful spell of petals having been torn in two, a sad story”. Hinako stood still as he looked at her and then as he turned back to his own world. She watched, as he slipped into the labrynth of which lies her prison.

Hinako walks back to her room thinking about the man that acknowledged her existence - her sad life of pain. She thought about how many things she could count about her symptoms to distract herself from the unsolved mystery.

One, I cough up blood often. Two, I have temporary blindness at random intervals that last for a few minutes. Three, it gets hard to breath sometimes kind of like a pressure descends on my chest. Four, I throw up stomach acid even though I drink enough water, eat enough food, follow the nurse’s instructions, and take all their pills. Five, my cells like to attack each other, it hurts, it’s what’s killing me, even my own body is betraying me by destroying itself. Six, when I looked at that man, after he smiled at me my heart beat really really fast. But.. can you call that a symptom? It was probably just a coincidence.

Authors note: I have no medical knowledge so all this is completely illogical and probably makes no sense. That means, for anyone who is a doctor or a nurse (little voice) don’t kill me!