Death…

It’s one of the most painful experiences that anyone can ever go through in their life. There is no foretold time of death, nor is there a sign that it’ll come knocking on your door and give you the exact date of your death. There is, most of all, no way to escape it either. I never realized before how painful it is to know that you’ll never get the chance to see your beloved ones because death has already taken them away from you.

‘He’ was one of the victims of death. I’ll never be able to hear his firm and smooth voice nor will I be able to feel his rough hands holding my own pair just to protect me from everything. I won’t be able to see him eye to eye while he’s speaking or to hear him laughing over silly things nor will I be able to run over to him whenever he reaches our home neither to run over to him whenever I mess up something that I can’t figure out.

The anguish of knowing that I’ll never see him again eats me up daily. I can’t sleep knowing that the last phone call I had with him was the last conversation we’ll ever have. One moment, I was having fun, but then the next moment came and I couldn’t grasp the hand of my beloved anymore.

I remember once, my tutor asked me, “What do you want to do in life other than what you’re doing right now?” At that time, I didn’t know how to respond to her because I already had everything. Now, I have the answer to her question “There is one thing that I need to accomplish that is to inherit the Berhumut Empire and find out the truth behind my brother’s death. I won’t just sit here and watch everybody doing their things while my brother was laying in his coffin.”

***

“Darling!” Mom started rubbing my back and said, “Hye-rin is here.” She looked at me with a strong smile and wiped my tears away, adding, “Elliot is here as well.”

I didn’t realize that I was crying again, right in front of my brother’s coffin. Crying reveals the weakness and vulnerability of oneself, and is therefore the thing I hate the most. It makes me feel defenseless. I am a lady, so I should act like one! Being the daughter of the empire’s master, I must maintain my composure and elegance.

“Compose yourself there are a lot of people here to mourn for your brother,” She added while leading me away from my brother’s closed coffin. I rather stay at my brother’s coffin other than greeting people about whom I don’t have any idea who they were or where they were from. All I could see in their eyes was to be on my good side because they knew that I would be the next heir of the Berhumut Empire.

“Do you want to see Hye-rin and Elliot?” Mother asking me questions made me wonder if she really does love me as her daughter. Ever since I was born, I never heard or saw her taking care of me or asked me questions about whether we were in public or private places.

All she did was to ignore me or put me in places. My mother was a beautiful, elegant lady of Berhumut Empire. Her long blond hair compliments her point nose and blue eyes with long lashes. However, all those things were replaced by her endless grief and sadness in her eyes. The grief stricken her badly but she managed to keep her composure in front of the crowd.

“I know how much you love your brother but for today let us be strong and greet people,” she squeezed my little hand in her delicate smooth hand and whispered as if nothing was wrong.

“I want to stay with my brother. I don’t want to greet people,” I mumble to myself, so she couldn’t hear me. It surprised me when she turned towards me and wiped my face with a damp towel that the servant handed over to her.

“I’m sorry honey but we really need to do this thing for the press and for the Berhumut Empire,” she kissed both of my cheeks while mumbling in my ears and stood tall like there was nothing wrong with her.

I wanted to tell her that I needed a mother but I lost my voice when the door to the porch area of the house opened and people started sizing up their gazes on us.

***

Everything went blank after greeting and accepting condolence from the people I don’t know, I don’t have any recollection if I ever had a chat with Hye-rin or Elliot, all I did was do what my mother told me to do.

“This might be my room,” I mumbled absent-mindedly. I had a long, tiring day Biggie. I think that was the most tiring day that I ever had in my life.

“Do I have to live my life without your presence now?” holding Biggie’s pic in my hands as I questioned him. I continued ranting absentmindedly or perhaps complaining to him, “I haven’t realized that I have to live my life without you, Biggie, the gap in my heart will never be filled with just anyone except you. You have always been there for me even when I don’t need you. The only one who treated me as a part of the family.”

The one who was always there to protect me, also the only one who I can lean on, and the only one who can be there when I needed someone.

I buried my face in the pillow when I realized tears started falling down in my eyes. I haven't realized that when I drifted into my dreamland, I was hugging the picture.

Knock knock ~

“Are you woken up dear?” When I heard my father’s voice I sat in bed and saw his head peeking at the ajar door. Usually, the one who was peeking his head in my room was my brother but this time it was not him.

I hugged the pillow tight; my hands were trembling while I tried to utter, “I think I am feeling better?”

“It’s gonna be alright sweetie,” I heard a very faint footsteps receding from the door “Your biggie will always be in our heart,” my father spoke once again sympathizing in his tone. He sat at the side of the bed and patted my head. “Please look at me, sweetie.”

“I want to take over the Empire Father,” I spoke without thinking anything then I looked at him in his shocked eyes. “I know I am still young but I will do my very best so you can accept me as your heir,” this is what I told my father. I may look like a petulant child in his eyes but I will prove to everyone that I can take over the empire younger than biggie’s age.

“Then do as you please but you need to start from the bottom to reach the highest position, sweetie,” My father patted my head again while explaining to me what I have to do first. Though I couldn’t see his face because of the tears in my eyes, his soft voice made me feel comforted. I bit my lips to stop myself from crying.

“You should take rest dear and tomorrow I will ask your mother to stop sending tutor and start sending you back into school,” I nodded with teary eyes and father was wiping my tears from my face “I know how much you love your brother, dear, I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything about it,” he kissed my forehead out of nowhere.

He never kissed my forehead before. It's always like he gave me a warm smile and patted my head. I wiped my forehead frustratedly “Don’t kiss my forehead, only Biggie has the right to do it,” I whimpered in frustration.

“Alright. I will not kiss your forehead, just be a good child,” then patted my head.

“Is there any other way to bring back Biggie?” I asked him with puppy eyes as if begging him to return my Biggie. At that time my eyes were crystal clear and I was able to see the sadness in his eyes. I felt the helpless state of my father who was The Emperor of the country’s big empire. The soul person who was behind the Behrmut foundation but still couldn’t do anything about his son’s death.

“I-I’m sorry,” He choked while uttering those words.

When I saw the tears in his eyes, I started sobbing once again. This time I didn’t stop myself from wailing. I know no one can bring Biggie back, I know that but why couldn't I stop begging my father to bring him back. but all I wanted was Biggie to be back, was it too hard to do that?

“Please father, bring him back,” I beg once again, holding my father’s hands with my small hands. I held it tighter when I started speaking, “He is the only one I need the most right now,” I haven’t noticed that I was kneeling down while in bed when my father hugged me. “I promise I will be a good daughter to you and mother, just bring him back,” he buried my face into his chest and began to cuddle me while patting my back. “He is my everything Father,” I was weeping while stuttering.

While patting my head Father spoke with a helpless tone, “I’m so sorry dear. I am sorry.”