SAUDADE

sau·da·de

(n.) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone who is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; "the love that remains"

According to other people, there are about 7 people in the world who looks exactly the same. It's called Doppelganger.

What if, you met the Doppelganger of the person you loved?

What will you do?

Are you gonna fall for him?

Do you really love him as him?

Or do you love him because he reminds you of someone from your past?

Or you're just struck by the feeling of...

SAUDADE.

Author's Note:

If you enjoy please let me know, comment something good, vote for my book or send me a gift if you want just for me to know that someone is interested with my story, I hope you enjoy.

-skyxx

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"*Yami, come here." Lucas called me while tapping the seat beside him. He really loves to call me Yami, well my name is Dark and in Japanese it's translated to Yami, now it's like he's endearment to me.

We are here on the rooftop. Me and Lucas just finished our final exam today and we decided to hangout here. At the rooftop of an abandon building where you can see the beautiful beach and watch the sunset, we called this as our place.

I sat beside him and putted my hand on his hips and hugged him sideway, "Babe, look, the sunset is really beautiful." He said with amusement in his eyes even tho we've been here before almost a 100 times already.

"Indeed babe, it's so beautiful...." sabi ko sakanya habang tinitignan ang ethereal view in our front, "like you." pagpapatuloy ko ng tumingin ako sakanya.

"Yami, do you see that vacant lot their...." pointing at the vacant lot near the beach, "soon we will buy that and build our restaurant their, right?" 

Lucas really loves to cook, since when we started our relationship he never failed to tell me that he wants to own a restaurant that we can call ours.

"Ofcourse babe, after we graduated  and find a stable job and earn enough money we will buy that place and build our restaurant." Assuring him.

Tinignan niya naman ako with matching puppy eyes, "Promise?" He stick out his pinky finger on my face.

Then I interwined our pinky finger while saying to him, "Promise."

While our pinkys are still interwined it started to rain really really heavy but still, we decided to stay for a while. I do love rain, I don't know what magic rain have that it gives me peace of mind. I smiled ans I looked up in the sky, letting the water droplet from the SKY to hit my face. While still looking up in the sky, I whispered in myself.

"God, I know I'm not a religous person, I know I don't pray that much to you but I really just wanna talk to you, I just wanna ask you something that I want to let out." I paused and let out a big sigh but I make sure Lucas didn't notice it. "Does our relationship is really a sin in your eyes?  If it is, then forgive me, us. I know that our relationship is still not that accepted by this people around us, I know that this society still judge what me and Lucas hva right now, and I know that we still have a long way before they accept us. I can accept that, I can wait, we can wait but can I just wish three things from you? Please protect us from this hateful society we need to deal, from this judgement and hardship we need to deal in this world we are living."

My heart is beating faster and I can feal that I'm in the verge of crying but still I continue my thoughts and prayers, "Second, make us and our relationship strong, until we can freely shout to this world that "We are together!!" without people judging us. And lastly please let him be mine forever, let him be mine and mine only, until the day that we will face you, on the altar, wearing the most beautiful suits and ties, the day that we will MARRY each other. God out of everyone you know how much I love him. I love Lucas with all of my body, my heart and my soul." I finished my prayer.

While opening my eyes, I'm thankful that it is raining right now, Lucas can't see my tears falling out freely from my eyes. He squeeze my hand and then he ask me "Yami, are you okay?" Na tinanguan ko lang kasi I know if I answered him, my voice will just crack.

Then he started talking again about what he want to do with our restaurant, how many tables, chair, servers, chefs and many more things. He really looked happy while saying those things, at di ko maiwasang mapangiti dahil dun. He's really sure that we're gonna end up together.

"Babe..." I called him and when he looked at me, I kissed his lips, a gentel yet passionate kiss, it's more like a peck than a kiss, "I love you, Mi amor."

He look at me with this confuse look because I did it out of nowhere but it faded fast, "I love you too, Yami." he said and then he kiss me sa noo ko. And then he rested his head in my shoulder while we both looked at the sun.

When it's getting dark we decided to go home because our parents will find us , we bid our goodbyes and we kissed passionately we explore each others mouth, biting, sucking exchanging saliva until we both are out of breath. I pulled myself away because i'm afraid someone will see us and tell to Lucas's parents about us.

"See you tommorow, babe." I said to him while waving my hand goodbye.

"See you tomorrow too, Yami." And then we parted ways to go home. I didn't know that was our last goodbye, our last kiss, the last time I will hear his voice.

"Anak, Dark, I want to tell you somwthing but please control yourself...." bigla akong kinabahan sa sinabi ni Mama pagkagising ko at pagkababa ko at tumungo sa kusina, "Lucas is dead, he was hitted by a truck on his way home."

I stiffened, parang nawalang ako ng lakas, parang biglang nadrain yung dugo ko sa katawan, I can't find the courage to speak, "Mom that's not a good joke, please tell me you're just joking around....." pero nagiwas lang ng tingin si Mommy, "Dad..." ganun din ang ginawa ni Daddy, pati na rin si Princess nagiwas ng tingin, "No! This can't be, magkasama lang kami kagabi! We're just talking about out future!" sigaw ng naramdaman kong lumalabo ang aking mata, I don't know if it's because of my tears and then bigla nalang akong nawalan ng malay*.

Nagising ako ng biglang tumunog yung alarm ko na agad ko pinatay, tinignan ko yung oras and it's already 6 in the morning, "It's been a year and it still haunts me till this day." umupo ako habang kinusot ko ang mata ko na di ko namalayang lumuluha na pala at pawis na pawis na ang buong katawan at damit ko.

I get my cellphone and just stared at my wallpaper, "It's been a year since you're gone babe and I still miss you till this day, I still love you the same love when you left me, my love for you still remains here, my heart, I love you babe." sabi ko sa picture naming dalawa while crying, it's our picture while sitting in our favorite place while looking at the sunset.

Kahit ayaw ko pa sanang tumayo ay napilitan ako. I decided to take a bath, after I take bath I just put a simple white tshirt and black jeans.

I go down stair an their I saw Mom and Dad eating with Princess "Goodmorning Mom, Dad." i kissed them on their cheeks, "Goodmorning my little princess", and I just messed her hair.

Princess pouted while saying, "Kuya naman, I told you I'm not little anymore, I'm 15 na kaya so technically I'm dalaga na." pagkakatwiran nito.

"You're still my little princess." And smiled to her.

"Go sit down and eat first before you go to your work." Mom insist but I'm not planning to.

"It's fine Mom, I'm just gonna eat there, I need to open up really early today, besides it's our 28th Monthsarry today." I told Mom.

I know that Mom wants to tell something but she choose to not spill it because she know her son is still not ready, "If you say so..." sabi niya at binigayan niya ng makahulugang tingin ang anak, "Take care." sabay sabi nilang magasawa.

Tumango lang si Dark at pumunta sa kanyang kotse, habang nagmamaneho eto he still can't forget about his dreams kaninang umaga. He came back to his senses when he's near in his destination. He parked his car outside the parking lot of a restaurant.

"Babe, I fulfilled your dreams...." sabi niya sa sarili na medyo naiiyak pa, "We have our OWN restaurant now, I hope you're happy." sabi niya sa kanyang sarili while reading the restaurant's name Lucas's Yami Restaurant.

He opened the door and finally saw the entire restaurant, he can't help but to smile to see what his and Lucas's dream came true, Blue was the color of the restaurant, with the touch of wooden design, the glass window is big and you can see the beautiful water of the beach, the seat was inspired by the seat they used in their favoeite place, a swing like seat tied with rope and colored with blue, with a lightbulb on the front hanging on the ceiling, it's simple but elegant looking.

While Dark was checking the kitchen a girl entered in the restaurant. A 19 years old not that tall girl with  long hair, morena and slim body. She's wearing a white shirt and a black jeans, "Goodmorning Sir Dark!" bati nito ng tinignan siya ni Dark habang nagtatali ng waist apron, their restaurant uniform.

"Goodmorning din Lilly." sabi naman ni Dark, "How many times did I tell you to not call me sir? Dark nalang, parang hindi naman tayo magkaibigan." while laughing.

"Sorry si- I mean Dark, nasanay lang." she said also while laughing.

"By the way, I don't see any job interview poster in our bulettin board, diba inutos ko na sainyo yun ni Jous?" I asked her while sitting in the counter.

"Yes sir, I'm the one who printed it, and Jous should be the one to post it in the bulletin board" she answered.

"Speaking of Jous, where is he? I thought you're going to work at the same time?" then a boy entered.

"Goodmorning Dark, Goodmorning my beautiful Lilly." said by the boy who just entered the restaurant. He's a tall man in his early 20's, fair skin and to be honest he's a good looking, don't get the wrong idea I'm not attracted to him, just being honest.

With a taste of disgust on her face, Lilly speak, "Can you please stop messing with me,  Dark is asking about the job interview poster, why you still don't post it?" she asked with a calm voice.

"As a matter of fact sir I just posted it before going inside, sorry." he said to me with a smile.

"No it's fine, I just asked don't worry." I assured him.

I'm finding a chef who can help me in the kitchen because I'm the only one who cooks here, the number of demand and costumer here became grow a lot because the near school here is opening again for the 2nd semester. We three can't handle just by ourselves so we're finding another chef who will gonna help me in the kitchen, Lilly's assignment was in the counter while Jous is the waiter.

I entered the kitchen to cook breakfast for the two of us, while they are busy cleaning the whole place. Because for sure, and I know for a fact that those two didn't eat their breakfast, they're so committed to their jobs, just like me. I just cooked a normal breakfast consist with, egg, bacon, hotdog, and ofcourse sinangag (fried rice) which is Lucas' favorite to eat, the memories, I just smiled bitterly while remembering him.

I exited the kitchen while holding our foods, "Lilly, Jous, tama na yan kain muna tayo." They stop what they're doing, Jous sitted fastly while Lilly go straight to the counter to make coffee for us three. "Lilly faster para sabay sabay na tayo kumain." I said and she immediately come with our coffees and sitted beside Jous. And then we started eating quitely.

We finished eating and now we're just drinking our coffee.

"Dark, iba ka talaga magluto, ang sarap pang high end restaurant yung lasa, ipagluto mo ulit kami sa susunod." Lilly said while drinking coffee.

I smiled and sipped some of my coffee, "Well your coffee is so good and still one of the best coffee I 've ever tasted, diba Jous?, Are you a secret Barista?"

"It taste bitter to me." Jous said while drinking his coffee not making eye contact to the girl who's fuming mad now besides him.

"Well because you said you want black coffee, stupid." She said sarcastically. At inirapan lang siya ni Jous.

"Dark, ang dami na sigurong babae ang nafall at naging girlfriend mo dahil sa luto mo." Jous asked.

"Oo nga Dark, may nabasa ako sa internet sabi, Food is the highway to a girl heart." sabi naman ni Lilly.

Muntik ng naibuga ni Jous yung iniinom niya na pinilit niyang nilunok. After he drink it he started laughing so loud, which irritated Lilly, ans I can't help but to laugh too, "The way to a men/women heart is through his stomach kasi yun." pagtatama naman ni Jous sakanya. Inirapan lang siya nito.

"Well not really because I've never been in a relationship, with a woman" I said before they started fighting again.

"So are you - um gay?" Lilly asked.

"Well not really but kinda like that." I answered.

My phone recieved a notification from a client who's ordering a cake, and I know that this two have seen my wallpaper and I know that they will ask me for sure who is that man in my phone.

I see that they're hesitant to ask so I speak, "He's Lucas, Lucas Satou, he's my boyfriend and he's the reason why we have this restaurant."

"Not to be nosy pero parang ganun na nga, but why I've never seen him nor seen him with you?" Yous asked in a low voice, it kinda sound like a whisper. Nakita kong siniko siya ni Lilly.

"You don't need to answer, and I'm sorry if I'm being so nosy." I know he's too shy to ask loudly but I know that he's curious too just like Lilly who's listening quitely but her eyes are staring directly at me.

"It's fine, besides we three know each other for a year now, mahigit pa nga, and I think I'm ready naman na to open up with you, to tell you my past, about Lucas." I said smiling to assure them that it's fine.

Bigla nalang nilang nilapit yung mga mukha nila, pinatung yung kamay sa lamesa at pinatung yung baba sa kamay nila. This two have the same mind, and I smell something fish going on between this two.

"I met Lucas when we're just a kid, if I remember it correctly we're both in grade 3 we both are 8 years old back then and he just transfered in our school. Lucas and I didn't have a good start because he's the type of person that is very arrogant, he don't talk to anyone, and he doen't want to be friends with anyone, he's basically a loner, a loner with an attitude." I laughed while reminising how we met.

"Attitude? Like Lilly, a extra small size person with an attitude" Jous said and thry both start to bicker again.

"Well, do you still want me to continue our story or stop now?" I asked them.

They both stop and they said at the same time, "Continue, ikaw kasi." and they just rolled eyes to each other.

They look at me, I still can see in Lilly and Jous' eyes that they are very much interested in to our story, so I continue.

"Fast forward we became friends, really really close,we're like brothers in heart back then. When we are about to enroll to the same High School her Mother decided to make him study abroad, in Japan. He begged his Mother not to but she's firm and her decision is final. I remember him running from his house to mine while raining and crying. We're about to go to sleep when we heared knock on the door and there I see him, soaking wet, crying. He suddenly hugged me and we let him in, my Mother called his Mother to inform that Lucas will sleep in our house, she gives her permission." I sighed. "He take a bath, eat and we both sleep in the same bed that night." I paused.

"Then I wake up and he's not on my side anymore, my Mother told me that Lucas' Mother get him early for their flight, and she also told me that he asked to give a letter from him. Then after 4 years he came back and we both enroll in to the same college." I slightly chuckle because this two person in my front is really invested.

"Long story short he courted me, then we became offical 2nd year of our graduation. But we kept our relationship private because what we have back then, our love, is not accepted by this judgemental society." I smiled bitterly by those thoughts.

I can see that their face sadden a bit, "So what kind of a  person he is when you two are together?" Lilly asked.

"Lucas? He's very caring to me, he always keep me first before anyone else, even before himself. He's sweet, a gentelman, he's everything that all girls wanted, he's almost a perfect man." then I laugh, "But he's still have his arrogant and attitude side. But all of he's flaws I love them all" happiness can be visible on my face.

"He is a dreamer, and actually one of his big dreams is this , to own a redtaurant that we can call home, we promised to each other to build this restaurant at this place where it is build right now. And one of our biggest dream is to be together, forever, and to marry each other." suddenly I feel so sad again and I can really feel if I still continue I will cry.

"So where is he right now? Is he studying abroad? Or working there? Busy ba siya at di siya nakakapunta dito?" Lilly asked fixing her sit.

"Or did you two broke up? Did he find another man? Woman? Did he left you?" pasimpleng siniko naman siya ni Lilly, "Did you two made it?" Yous asked.

It took me a while before I can answer his question, "Almost-" my voice suddenly cracked and my vision became blurred because of the tears building up.

And then the tears that building up seconds ago started to roll down from his eyes.

"Almost, I made it, but he died."

"Almost, I made it, but he died."

Lilly and Jous froze because of their boss/friend's revelation that still keep replaying in their mind, "I'm sorry." They both said at the same time.

Seeing Dark tears, seeing him cry in their front, they can't find any words to say or to comfort him but only the most simple word, sorry.

Deafening silence. That's what this two are hearing right now. No one wants to talk after Dark's depressing confession. They stayed like that for a good 5 minutes until Dark stop shedding tears. "I never thought that one of the most happiest person I know have this grief-stricken past, the most happiest people are truly the most damaged one." Lilly said to her back of her mind.

"Sorry for being too Nosy, Sir Dark." Jous break the silence and apologize but still facing the floor because he thinks that they went too far asking questions.

Dark look at them with a soft look, a assuring look with a smile, he's not happy nor angry, "Hey! It's fine no need to be sorry, I suggested it anyways, it's my choice to tell you our story so no need to apologize."

"You really are one of the kindest person I've met, are you a saint or an angel? nakalista ka na siguro sa langit" seryoso namang sabi ni Lilly with patango tango pa.

With that Dark came back to normal, Dark and Jous started laughing because of Lilly's "joke".

And there's Lilly who can't understand why this two are laughing, "Why are you two laughing? Di naman ako nagjoke ah" inosenteng pagkakasabi mo.

"Pagong." Dark said.

"Engot, ang slow mo!" pang aasar naman ni Jous habang tumatawa parin.

Lilly started fuming mad and stand up, "Ewan ko sainyong dalawa, aayusin ko na muna tong pinagkainan natin nakakahiya naman sainyong dalawang KAMAHALAN!" he really emphasize that kamahalan part.

Then she started putting the dishes in the guéridon trolley. And headed in the kitchen. She put everything in the sink and slightly peak at Dark and Jous who's talking.

"Atleast Dark looks a little bit happier." It's really hard for them to see Dark's sad and crying because he never do that, he always smile, in fact that's the first time they see him shedding tears.

After Lilly putted the dishes in the sink she walks towards the two men laughing and as she was walking someone entered the restaurant. The three of them looked at the person who entered, a handsome man, not that tall but not that short too, a thin body and an eye that is captivating.

He approached the three with a smile while walking with high confidence, "Henry." the thre of them said at the same time with a hint of boredom in their voice.

"It's too early what are you doing here?" Dark said. Henry and I are friends since he always come here at my restaurant, he's good looking, but he's a shameless prick and he's full of himself, he always tell people how handsome he are and he always bother me everytime and I hate him for that. But heD's a good man, always there when you need help, actually he's one of the reason why I purchased and have this restaurant right now.

He smirked at me, "I just want to see and check what my baby is doing right now." he said.

Oh! Did I forgot to tell you that this shameless bastard likes me. I clesr things with him already but I d on't know why he's still pursuing me even tho I told him beforehand that I'm not interested to be in a relationship, again. I just want to focus in my restaurant.

I just give him the side eye look, "So how's your restaurant doing, Dark." he said while taking the seat beside me.

"Well, as for now it's doing great," I look at Lilly and Jous and smiled to them and continued, "this two really helps me a lot, but still the income is still a little bit under the amount we need to achieve to sustain the place." I told him honestly.

Henry's looking around and scanning the whole restaurant. Henry has a good eye when it comes to bussiness, he's a bussiness minded person, maybe that's why he hasn't find the right person for him. Honestly everyone would fall to Henry's charm, he's just lazy. I remember one time when I talked to him.

"Why don't you try to search for your partner already, I mean literally everyone is falling for you." I said to Henry while we are eating at my restaurant.

"I don't want too, I'm too busy of a person to  care or to find love it will only slow and drowback me from achieving my goals," he paused then looked at me, "but if it's you I can give you all my time and I can wait for my dreams." he smiled innocently.

"Imbécile, stop joking around," I slap his shoulder but not strongly more like a tap, "we already talked about this right? I see you as my friend." then we started eating again.

"Well I think this place is well polished already, the interior design is good, the theme is kinda unique and refreshing from all of the modern and korean themed restaurant that many other restaurant is using, and the food is heveanly-kissed because it is very delicious well because you're the one who cooked it," he wink at me and that made me face falm in my mind, "And you have a very professional, well trained and so reliable helper here." and that make this two shy and act pabebe because Henry complemented them and he hits the soft spot of this two idiot smiling from ear to ear.

"Enebe ser Henry, you don't have to compliment us like that. Don't worry I will do anything to help Dark run this restaurant smoothly." Lilly said while crossing her arm and looking upward proudly.

"Well I'm already the best but I'll try my best to help Dark." Lucas said full of himself.

I smiled, "You're right this two is a big help here in the restaurant since day 1, I can't wish for anyone anymore but only them to help me here in the restaurant." and this make them smile mote widely and it make them blush.

Wait I know Lilly can easily be flustered so it make sense that he blush quickly, but what the ****! Even this motherfuckibg Jous is blushing. Like he's one of the manliest of the manliest I've known LMAO!

"But somwthing is a little bit missing here in your restaurant." Henry said out of nowhere.

"What?" We all said at the samd time curious about what Jenry will gonna say next.

"Tayong dalawa." He said bluntly and laughed his *** off. And we just give him this can you shut up if you don't have anything good to say look.

"Just kidding, I just want to make you laugh becauae y'all are too serious," He quickly said after laughing his *** off, " But seriously can I suggest you to add something here?"

"Ofcoure as long as this is not a joke again, I will literally kick your *** out here" I said threatening him.

"I second the motion."  Lilly said.

"Count me in, so it better be not a joke or all the three of us will kick your ***." Jous said after Lilly.

We listened to the next thing Henry was about to say.

"I'm serious now already you guys. Like I said earlier this restaurant is well polished already but I think what's missing is ENTERTAINMENT." now he's talking seriously.

This is what I like about Henry, he maybe joke all the goof, joke and play all the time but when he needs to be serious he can be serious and precise real quick.

"But we already have speakers where we play music everyday plus we also have TV here, isn't that enough entertainment?" I rationalize.

He sigh, "I know that, but do you think they're coming back for that? You need something that will make and attract costomers to comeback at your restaurant." he explained.

"So, do you hace any idea?" Jous asked Henry.

"Ofcourse I have but it's up to you Dark if you want to hear and accept my proposal." Henry said.

"Okay let's heaer your proposal out." I said, if this help the restaurantvthen I 'm willing to do so.

Henry suddenly smiled widely, "Will you be my boyfriend." and I think he's serious now.

"You're just wast-" He suddenly cutted me off.

"Just kidding, well the entertainment I'm talking about is why don't you hire a singer to sing here at your restaurant. I'm sure that it will increase the popularity of your restaurant." he said swiftly before we can kick him out of the restaurant.

"What do we need to do, to have and to get?" Lilly asked.

"Obviously we need a singer stupid." Jous teasing Lilly again. Lilly was about to talk when I cutted them off because it will be chaotic again.

"You're the one who suggested it, so do you know any good singer that we can hire?" I asked.

"I know someone that is good at singing plus he knows how to play instruments that's a plus point for sure." he answered.

"Can we trust him, is he good?" I interrogated.

"Ofcourse I will never recommend bad things to you." I just let him flirt with me because it doesn't even bother me that much, I only see him like a friend or a brother.

"So that the singer is now settled what's next?"

"Ofcourse he needs a platform or some kinda like stage to perform, don't worry I'll will help you building that stage since I'm free today." he offered his help and that kind of give me some relief.

"Okay, so that's settled, me and Lilly will be in charge of running the restaurant, while you and Jous will help each other building the stage." I explained to them.

"Okay."

"Aye aye captain."

"Ready to serve my baby."

"So let's get ready it almost time to open up the restaurant, now let's go to our station." I excitedly told them.

"LET'S GO!!" we four shouted.

I really love this kind of moment, it's too precious and too pure, I'm being too emotional again, I really don't know ehy but everytime something happy or good happened in my life I easily get emotional and I start to tear up.

I looked up in the Sky, "Can you see me up their, Love? Look I have some friends now and we're working and helping each othwer to grow our restaurant. I hope you're still there, I'm sure that you,'ll be so damn happy if you see this scenario, because this is our dream."

I smiled like talking to him gived me strength and I headed towards the kitchen, "I hope this day work smoothly." I said to myself as I enter the kitchen.