Ria's Journal
Alone
I returned home after so many classes
Mom
..ria, you haven’t eaten lunch yet. Have something first.
me
No, please, Mom! I don’t want to eat right now!
Mom
You’re losing weight. Didn’t the doctor tell you to eat properly?
me
I remember, Mom! I promise I’ll eat later, but please give me my phone now!
Mom handed me the phone, and I opened MT to check my notifications.
As usual, there were lots of messages, but I only replied to the ones from people I’m close to. I just don’t have the energy to talk to everyone.
Ethan
Are you back home safely, cherry pie?
Ethan
How’s your day going?
Ethan
Anything wrong? Why are you so quiet today?
It was how our conversation going
I didn’t mean to ignore him. I just wasn’t in the right mood.
And I didn’t try to hide it… I knew he wouldn’t misunderstand me.
I tried telling him about my new school… one of the best in the country. But honestly, it feels like a piece of hell to me.
me
I can't get used to it. I tried my best...
me
I don't know. I always feel stuck
Ethan
But you said you have many friends there
me
Yeah, I do… but.. *sigh* it’s just not the same. Hard to explain.
He kept asking what was wrong.
I usually try to hide it from everyone… especially from Ethan.
I didn’t think he’d understand. But he did.
Maybe not completely, but enough.
He always shows up when I need him most.
me
Most of them don’t really think about what they're saying or doing. But with me, it’s different. He’s always kind and takes care of me. Sometimes I wonder… am I being selfish? Why I don't like them at all?!
Ethan
Stop blaming yourself all the time. If being around them feels off, the problem’s theirs, not yours.
He’s always been good at comforting people.
Once again, he made me feel better. Because of him, my bad day turned around.
Then he went offline to focus on his work as an assistant professor and told me to rest and stop blaming myself.
I was tired and completely drained, so I ended up falling asleep that evening.
I woke up, ate, studied, and came online again around 10:00 pm.
I saw that my friend had messaged me. I had asked him not to text me anymore, but he reached out anyway.
This was the third time he had done something like this.
But it was okay as I knew it's going to happen
F
I’m sorry for what happened. I will never bother you again if you don’t want to talk to me. Bye.
It's just a part of drama he likes to play always
me
Thank you. You can go away.
I also didn’t like his profile picture, so I told him:
me
Change your profile picture. It’s disturbing.
I was rude probably. But it was hard to control myself
My elder sister entered the room
she said to me while sitting on the sofa..
I looked at her. she looks serious
Sis
I've something important to tell you. Put the phone away and listen to me carefully
I did what she asked me to
Sis
Your class teacher called me today..
I was lying down. But sat up after listening to her
Sis
yeah, and we had a conversation about you
Sis
Shova is your close friend, right?
Sis
She asked me not to let you hang around with her.
me
No way I’m trusting her words.
Sis
You also know that, don't you?
I might know, not fully, but a little.. I can’t deny that.
Sis
Okay, let me know you a little about her
My sister started explaining what she had heard from my class teacher.
I just listened… and after that, I felt drained
This world can feel so cruel sometimes.
I learned something I never wanted to know.
My close friend in my new college, the one I care about the most, has been using me.
She’s done this with other people before, and I realize I might be next, even though I’m new.
And when things go wrong, she always puts the blame on me, just like she’s done with others.
Sis
Your teacher wanted to talk to you about it directly
Sis
Your classmates said you’re immature and childish.
Sis
and they're right. You're not very serious.
Sis
You look pale, are you sick?
Sis
Be careful and stay serious. Don’t get involved in this. Remember, our dad is respected, don’t do anything to harm his reputation
i don’t know how to face it again tomorrow.
It’s quiet, calm… maybe even peaceful.
But I can’t feel any of it.
I just want to stay like this.
Everything's gonna be alright
I'm not feeling well again. I feel like I've lost my everything
maybe I'm just having mood swings now. But it hard to control myself
I'm trying to keep myself clam. But it's really hard
I don't know what should I do now! Should I just die?!
I can't do anything by my own will. But I can die maybe
No, I can't. Dying isn't easy . I need a proper preparation before doing this
I feel like I'm returning to one year ago; the darkest year of my life
the same feeling, the same stress, but it's hurting more this time
I'm trying to be cheerful as I always do… but I can't
I've no right to stay happy
I've to put an end of this. It's getting more tiring nowadays
I don't know what I'm doing or saying
they don't love me anymore
why you blame me always!?!
It wasn't my fault.. I was...
I was careless back then.. I'm immature.. I'm not strong like you...
I couldn't control myself.. I've waste one year of my life...
I don't deserve to be your daughter..
i always do whatever I want.. I never listen to you
But I love them both… I didn't do this because I want them to worry about me
It was because I was hurt… I needed you by my side
they were busy as always…
yeah, I expected too much… It's my fault
I wanna stay with them a little bit more
no, I've made my decision. I'll do whatever you want
I'll listen to you this time… I'll try my best to be emotionless
even I've left something precious that you may never know
It hurts… But I can do it. because I'm your daughter
*sigh.. I'm really going crazy
I don't wanna be hopeless
Everything's gonna be alright ~
Everything's gonna be okay ~
It's gonna be a good, good life ~
me and my room
me
I wasn't feeling well at all since yesterday. I tried my best to not react and bear the pain silently. I've taken painkillers too
me
I wanted to skip my classes today. But yesterday dad went to my school and got my application approved
me
it's quite a bit insulting for him as everyone knows him and respect very much
me
because my school's rules are very strict. If someone skips a single class their parents have to go to the office and get the approval
me
He already did too much so I didn't want to bother him again. So I took the painkiller and got ready for my classes
me
Our driver bro took me to the school and went back to home.
me
but soon I realized that I'm 10 minutes late, and they've closed the entrance.
me
I wanted to just run away. But I need my attendance, which was the reason I came here despite the pain
me
So there was no choice but to stand there and wait for a kind person to open the entrance
me
There was no one from my class. I felt very anger because of those useless rules. it was hard to control myself
me
I hate my school. It's just disgusting. I've no idea why people work so hard to get admissions here!
me
the guy sitting in office asked my ID number. I gave him that. He called my dad, but dad didn't pick up the call as he was busy as usual.
me
He kept calling my dad but dad wasn't picking up the call
me
I was so angry and sad that I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to stab someone to relieve my anger
me
they asked me other phone numbers. But I haven't said a word and stayed silent due to my anger
me
I waited there almost 1 and half hours but they didn't open the entrance. So I decided to not wait anymore
me
Then I just got out of school and called my sister. She sent the car to pick me up. I returned to home without attending classes
Mom
*opened the door* Why are you home now? Why you didn't attend your classes?
me
(I explained everything to her)
Mom
it's all your fault. You always look for a way to skip classes
Mom
its only a pain, yet you got sick because you always skip your meals.... ... ....
me
(I heard everything silently.. And came to my room and lie down)
As soon as I lay down in bed, all my anger went away.
I'm happy because I'm in my room! I'm alone here and it's peaceful
sometimes I think I'm in love with my room! Hahah
If I could live here alone for the rest of my life, I wouldn't need anything else.
Me, my room and phone, what a peaceful life!
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