The User

The user

If love was an object, I abused it.

I used to call him babe. He was my everything: my end and my beginning.

I used to tell my friends how he loves me. How he was different and how miss him when he's gone.

I used to laugh, remembering our time whether we were loud or silent.

I used to cry when he wasn't near. It was anxious to have him far from my heart.

I used to sleep with him as my last thought.

I used to pray for him to get better because I think his bike hates him.

I used to wonder if he'd gotten better or not.

I used to wait everyday just to have a minute to talk to him.

I used to get jealous of everyone because I thought they would take him away.

I used to get hurt when we would argue.

I used to get butterflies when he noticed the small things about me which nobody ever paid attention to.

I used to feel happy when he was mine.

I used to buy him gifts because it's my love language.

I used to get on his nerves because it was funny how he would give the same attitude back.

I used to think he was happy too.

I used to think he could handle me, so I stayed the same.

I used to think that he loved me more.

I used to think it was never going to end.

I used to think overthinking was ok with him.

I used to fail to keep healthy when we fought.

I used to like when he would kiss me hard on the lips.

I used to love the 3 kisses rule on the cheeks.

I used to hug tight because I had never hugged someone for this long before.

I used to ignore when he talked to other girls because he Said they were only friends.

I used to do all that because I loved you.

I used to be a mess,, but he would always make it right.

I used to heal faster because he made it hurt less.

I used to stop skipping meals because he was always supervising.

I used to get better because I thought he loved me back.

I used to feel safe because he waited one year to be with me.

I used to be ok.

I used to be alright.

I used to be alive inside.

I used to be louder.

I used to live for him.

I used to do a lot.

He says all I did was use him...

Yes I used to love him.

Maybe one day I'll stop using him but if loving as someone is synonym to using someone, then I don't think he will ever stop being used by me.

I know we are helpless, but I didn't know being helpless meant giving up on each other.

I forgot about ever having you back but if you see this, just know that I'm sorry for using you. I'm sorry for loving you. I also have a question... Why love me if at the end when you leave, you're cold as ice and as dry as a desert?

what did I do wrong?

Maybe you really didn't like the fact that I used you but it's never gonna change because if using means loving then I'm never going to stop loving you.

The lover

Love hurts more than it should

Today he seems to find me bearable.

Love is still here.

Love was never gone.

Asked him why.

Why did he leave me?

He made me cry saying" because I deeply love you"

It hurts when I know it's true. I wish he had cheated but he didn't.

No, he stayed loyal.

My love forgive me.

My love forget me.

I used to think only the actions known to this day as unethical could be hurtful.

But watch him.

May the world see him.

His love hurts. It's not the pain he brought by cheating or playing with my feelings but the love he showed that brought the most painful scars.

He would have scolded the shit out of me if he knew I did it again.

I have new wounds, but today they don't hurt at all.

Today I feel lighter. Even if I cry it's not against anybody. I've been cursing the world for letting me breathe, but I'm grateful I lived to hear his words.

Now all I ask is grace from God. Take me away and may I never come back if it's not to be in his arms.

Wish I could still call him babe.

He would call me pumpkin.

But I know he's got to move on.

find someone better.

One day he'll have a lovely wife but she won't have my name.

His daughter will have his eyes and his wife's smile.

And his son?

I bet he'll be nothing like his dad.

He'll be the lookalike of his mom.

His heart?

I hope it doesn't suffer like mine.

well mine is dead but I hope his will be full of joy.

Love is supposed to be pure and everlasting.

ours was all that, just not accepted.

In hopes we can be together in another life, I'll let myself die even though I'm already dead inside.

He won't let me though. He guessed that I cried. He knew.

I hate that he knows.

why?

Because he's not mine anymore.

One day he'll be hers.

Hers?

It hurts.

I'm sorry. I'm selfish but I want him for me. That's where he belongs. Nowhere else.

I'm crazy in love.

Maybe too much?

But no love is enough for him.

Babe forgive me but I think nobody is going to love you as much as I do.

So, don't love anybody as much as u loved me.

Love them more or love them less. Just not like you loved me.

I love you always.

But I'm forced to quit. If I'm dead before you get married, I want to reincarnate as a dog. A white fluffy dog. With small legs and a cute tail. Wide doe eyes and bouncy ears. Then you can bring me home. It would be nice being in your arms again.

Until then, take care sugar plum.♡

Hater

Saw a question today: if you wrote a book about someone you hate the most, what would be the first sentence?

Well, it would be a single word.

why?

Why do I hate you so much?

Loved like the world was ending, cried like a river flowing, laughed like a toddler playing and cared like your mother never did, so why?

Isn't it funny how you could break yourself into pieces just to fix the heart you didn't break? Isn't it funny to notice that the way you looked at me then is the way you look at her now?

It is so funny that I will laugh till I die.

It is so funny I wished I was never here.

It is so funny that I'm never going to stop laughing.

And it is so funny that today I feel happy.

14th February 2023, he came rushing, roses in his hands. They weren't mine, they never were. My friend looked at me and exclaimed how loving it was of him.

With my heart shattering inside, I denied her misunderstanding. They weren't mine, they were hers.

I should have known then that I'll always be an option in the end. Today she is single. I wonder if they will get together.

At that very moment, I could only see the rose I'd bought being thrown in the dustbin. I was confused. I asked for help and I was told to give it a try. I wish I never did. We got together. I felt loved.

we lasted nearly a year. I got him gifts. everywhere I went, I would think about him. I still do. I wish I didn't.

How would you feel dozing off because you cried all night?

I don't even know what feelings are. I'm done being an emotional wreck. I'm hurting. when will everyone I meet and get attached to stop leaving?

I hate loving.

10.02,26

and he changed his password today lol

18.02,26

seeing how indifferent he is in the way he treats me... I'm finally able to move on. it's decided. I don't care anymore.

...----------------...

...****************...

I'm done

really

I think a lot. And I don't know why, but I've been thinking about the end of the world- but like the very final end.

Actually, the end of the world may be the end of me. If you get what I mean. For you, the end of the world would be when you die. For me, it's when I die. There's no end of the world. It's just you who is no longer there. It makes sense.

Anyway, what would be the last thing you'd do?

I would want a hug

A huge hug

The kind that makes you feel warm inside.

can I get a hug?

...****************...

why do I need to write 500 words?

I'm doneeeeeeeeee

bruh

Anyways I like chocolate

white chocolate

And roses

I love roses

And

hate

most

the rest

life is pretty much a pain in the ass

Don't u think?

500✨

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